Mums - What Can You Achieve?

Talking to other Mum's it never ceases to amaze me how many great women underestimate their worth. "I'm just a mum, I don't work" is my favourite or what about "I am working Mum/Full time Mum" Is it possible to be a part time Mum?

You see although I describe myself as a working woman, I also describe myself as a full time mum because is there a day that goes by when I don't think of my children at some point in the day, however much I am loving my job?

If the phone was to ring and one of my children were ill, would I say "sorry can't come and collect them right now, I'm a working mum" er? No!
I appreciate that there are times when a bit of magic wands and splitting yourself in 2 places at once has to happen, but you never turn the switch off on being a Mum.

But how many of you Mums fully appreciate how blinking amazing you are?

When it comes to setting goals with Mums (Regardless of the kind they describe themselves as!) I often point out the extensive nature of the role "Mum"

You can find when it comes to achieving things that you hit a brick wall. I can't do it. Its too hard. It won't work. So many negatives can attack you daily, especially when are you introducing a new way you want to think or a change in your behaviour.

Well here is a top tip for you Mum's;

Any woman (or Man for that matter) that can get up every morning and every day, and have the same conversations about "Turn the telly off and come and get your shoes on, no not in a minute now please" or "Get into bed, I've read you a story, into bed" or "Eat your breakfast, we have to get to school" or "that's not where your shoes live" can achieve anything. Why?

Well have you noticed how whether your children are blissfully having an afternoon nap or at school for 6 hours, you manage by some miracle to everyday provide your family with clean clothes, cooked meals and all the other things they need to survive. Do you ever give up? Do you ever think "Do you know what I have fought this child to brush its hair for 6 years, blow it, let them go to school looking like Russell Brand, what do I care?!?"
No and why because you have a passion for being a mum.There is a feeling inside that says whatever you need I will always be here for you.

When they were babies, we worried over every second of their lives, are you too hot, too cold, hungry, tired. That does not change as they get older, you just get more things to concern yourself with.

You see motherhood is a vocation. It is so much more than a job. Yes it can be a thankless job, with ridiculous hours and revolting pay but the bonus scheme is incredible.

However grotty and miserable your little ones are during the day, when you look at them snuggled in their beds at night, tell me you don't get a big smile on your face and a love beyond anything.

So take that passion, that absolute belief that no matter what happens I am a Mum and I am here for my children and direct that passion and determination into any goal you have aspired to achieve.

Think it's likely you would fail then?

The next time your kids walk in from school and after the front door has swung back once there is already carnage of lunch boxes, school bags, shoes, and bits of paper and god knows what else between you and the front door mat ask yourself this. Is this the day where I quit it? Is this the day where I decide to give in and let the house disintegrate. Okay so we all need quiet time (especially Mums!) and we all need chill out time and an attitude of "sod it today" once in a while, but I bet by the following morning lunch boxes will be repacked with sandwiches, shoes will be on children's feet and you will be able to get out of the front door without climbing across a minefield of destruction.

Struggling with a goal? Think you can't do it, its too hard, its not achievable?

I know that anyone that can be a mum can achieve anything. Super woman? ABSOLUTELY!

Stop Mum!

Easter hols - the first time the family has been altogether since that sparkly present stuffed family food marathon we call Christmas and I don't know about you, but all my family wanted to do was be outside.

Hubby had cleaned the barbie (in the garage because the rain was going sideways!) and looked lovingly to the sky for the last week, ignoring the BBC Weather website that clearly showed a forecast that looked like a lot of black sheep were wandering across it.

My children had worked out a itinerary that included picnics, chocolate, crabbing, chocolate, bike rides and egg hunts with yes more chocolate and hubby had polished he's Mersea Island beer mug ready for the 40 odd beers that would need testing at the Mersea Island Beer Festival.

We got off to a pretty good start - cycling to the beer festival at the local vineyard. Sitting in the sunshine watching the kids run around the vineyard, laughing and playing. We smiled confidently thinking what a lovely Easter we were going to have with all this sunshine. The fish from the Company Shed that would be grilled to perfection. The welly paddling on the beach......

But then as in all "feel good" films, just when you think everything is going to be perfect before the sad bit in the film , the clouds gathered, the temperature dived and we were 3 miles from home. Hubby was more than happy to stay at the beer festival until the weather cleared, but THAT sky wasn't going anywhere.

So lets cycle home in a rain deluge and laugh about it, shall we? My son found it hilariously funny, watching the rain slurp up my back but poor old daughter cried her little heart all the way home.

Life has a habit of throwing things your way whether you like it or not. So it was funny to think that we were all experiencing the same thing, but one of us could only concentrate on the "I'm wet get me out of here!" while the rest of us laughed at the silliness of it all.

Duvets, hot choccy, log fire (okay so it was only a pretend one) and family film - cheered us all up, but it took a good few hours to defrost us.

Little did I realise that my back had other plans for the Easter that did not match the rest of me.

Saturday I woke to a - OOooOOOoo feeling. Having a curve in my spine and a arthritic condition I am very used to "ignoring" pain. But this was not the norm. Sniffing and achey, glands around my ankles maybe the slightly damp bike ride was having more effects than I had appreciated.

So here I sit on Monday, weather has not been er... ideal... but regardless my body has demanded a sit and do nothing Easter.

And do you know what my first thought has been?
What about the kids?
("Why won't you think of the children!!?!!" As the lady always wails in the old black and white films.)

I am not dying here but moving around is not great and lots of pain just makes me feel tired. So all I want to do is ..... nothing. But what about the wee lil ones?
I find myself thinking "I could fight it like normal and jump into Mum mode. We could hit the zoo, wrap up warm and take to the beach. We could..."

It must be imprinted into Mothers to always think about the impact of everything on your children before you think of yourself.

The fact is they are more than happy. I just left my comfortable spot to track down the kids who are happily watching Muppets in Oz, painting eggs while eating their 4th course of breakfast.
Do they seem remotely bothered that Mum is not commenting on their every brush stroke? Are they perplexed that we are not cycling the length of Mersea Island?
No. See that is the thing about children they actually are very good at coming up with their own ways to have fun and entertain themselves. (and it does not need to include anything electronic!)
Life does not need to be a permanent torrent of structured family fun. Research from around the world shows that children need to experience boredom to ignite their imagination.

Another sneeky peek at the kids tells me, they are hunched over a piece of paper discussing the design for the tree house club's logo. Apparentely it is going to be painted on the floor. Lets hope they don't paint themselves into a corner, but then at least they could use their imagination to get out again!

So when I finish this blog I will slowly wander the garden with stupadog, watching the children invent fun, safe in the knowledge that it is okay to stop. It's Okay to put my spine before my children for a couple of days and super mum can come back on duty tomorrow.

What does my job really do for me?

So today was a "busy office" kind of a day. normally my days are split between clients and office and meetings and networking. But today thanks to a great Business Womans network event yesterday I have lots to do. I love to ensure that if I can think of any contacts for business women in attendance then I will ensure that I forward contact details and ideas a.s.a.p.

So hence a busy office kind of day. The only problem was that yellow thing appeared in the sky. And since I am a person who hates the cold winter and would rather peel her eyelids off and boil them than go ski-ing, quite frankly it was a sight for sore eyes!

That glorious sunshine does funny stuff to us humans. You notice people walking slower and looking around and even experiencing smiles on their faces. Instead of collar up, head down and get to your destination as quick as possible before you freeze to the pavement.

So it would have been better if today was an out visiting clients kind of a day, so that Kings of Leon could have been blaring out and my shades could have been attached to the bridge of my nose.

But then as I sat there like a child in double history on a Friday afternoon on a warm sunny July day. I remembered a wonderful fact.

I am self employed! No one is forcing me to be here. I did not have to clock in and work hours stipulated by some one else. I can come and go as I please.

One of the reasons I chose this career path, IS because I wanted to be my own boss.

So I took full advantage of that today. I shut the laptop lid, I grabbed Stupadog's lead and grabbed my shades. On Mersea Island today the tide was huge so me and Dad (who was grabbed as I passed his door.) headed to look at that wonderfully calming beautiful sight, the sea sparkling in the sun, gently lapping the top of the beach, and hiding all of the sea walls.

It was stunning, and I did not have to miss it - Thanks to my choice of career. Fantastic.

I think sometimes it is good to stop, and be aware of why you are doing what you are doing. The plans you put into place 5 years ago, are they still what you want today? Do they still fulfill your life and make you happy?

For me as I strolled home with a salty sandy stupadog admiring the shoots and buds of spring and the crocus's and snowdrops I really appreciated that my business gives me even more than I had realised.

Thanks Universe - I am loving it!

Confidence boosting Mums & Me!

Being a Business Mum is interesting to say the least. One minute your cleaning mucky faces and making lunches the next you are speaking to a roomful of business women or sending out emails. The way women jump from one task to another is very impressive and is rarely appreciated. So when I note something that works or something that is not I like to share it here.

I have been working with a lot of women in one way or another to help them boost their confidence and appreciate all the fabulous skills they have. And yet it never ceases to amaze me how the brilliance I can see is often unappreciated by the woman sat before me.

I think a big problem for us Mums is that our confidence so easily gets knocked. I know some amazing business women who have had great careers and having taking time off to play babies now feel less confident about themselves. It so easily happens, and I think it is important to remember this dip in confidence is not something especially kept for Mums.

Its something that can hit anyone at anytime. A key problem can be that because we have been away from that environment or that task we choose to accept a different belief that we are somehow less capable than other people.

For instance we often assume that if we struggle to do something, like public speaking, or getting new clients for our business, or even getting our children to sleep through the night that everyone else is fabulous at it and we are the only ones that struggle.

On the other hand if we are good at something we assume that everyone is good at that! Thereby giving ourselves no appreciation for what we are good at.

A big mistake we often make is assuming that we can not get that confidence back, without a massive amount of effort, well the fact is that just isn't true.

If you are prepared to challenge that belief, that is the first step into taking back your confidence.

The unknown can create a lot of concern and uncertainty which can lead to a dip in confidence, so if that feels like it is happening to you, ask yourself what would I need to learn to feel confident again?

Also, be aware of a time when you were very confident, what skills did you put into action that you could use to build confidence in this area that you lack it?

And lastly I bet many of you are thinking, as a "Business & Life coach SHE doesn't get dips in confidence!" On the contrary!

I surprised my photographer last week, when I went to have new photos taken for my business. She was very shocked to learn how nervous I was. I did advise her that quite frankly I would rather have a check up at the dentist than have a photo shoot. She couldn't believe it. "How can a business woman with as much confidence as you be worried about this?" she said.

That's the thing about dips in confidence, it differs as much as the individual. The difference for me to a lot of women is that I always tackle dips in confidence - head on.

I still hate having my photo taken, but I do it, and I know that the more I expose myself to these experiences the less I will fear them and lack confidence in them. Although I doubt I will ever feel like strutting my stuff on a red carpet!

So a parting thought for you. If you feel a bit like this is just too big for me, I will just accept that that was me of the past I can not get that back. Ask yourself this. "Would you want your son or daughter to turn away and accept a life long dip in confidence? Or would you want them to have the mindset and the skills to be able to deal with it?"

Because if you do find your answers to build your confidence, you are being a fabulous role model for your children, and how great will it be that we can influence are children in such a proactive way every day of their lives to help them always tackle those dips in confidence?

I love to hear from people. What's working, what's not, and if I can be of any help in supporting your challenges and ambitions - it is always great to meet up for coffee and cake (of course!) to talk about how coaching could work for you.

P.S I will share my photo shoot piccys with you the moment they arrive!

Nothing can work wonders!

At a meeting last week I was sharing with someone one of my passions for 2010 that is to continually accept and seek out new challenges.

As a coach when you train, before you start helping others you help yourself. You learn to understand yourself in a way that many of us never take the time to. This enables you to work to your strengths, understand and deal with your weaknesses and always think in a way that is proactive to getting the personal and professional life you want.

The only "problem" is that what ever I am doing in life I take it on head first, No comfort zone creates a problem for me and thus the things in life that could be a challenge do not exist anymore.

Hence I am actively looking for new challenges. Things that I would never have thought of before.

A client I was working with told me of their trekking for charity that took them into the mountains of Nepal. "That sounds perfect!" I thought. Until I suggested it to my Hubby who pointed out that the trekking bit I would be fine with and easily get fit for, but the sleeping in a tent bit would be "interesting" for someone with a curve in their spine and arthritis. So that one is maybe not the most appropriate for me. But it does not need to be that big.

For instance anyone on Facebook will know that I hate structured exercise, because of my bodies intriguing way of growing I have to get regular exercise but for me it is not in a gym. For years I went religiously to the gym 3 times a week - I never felt the buzz, I never loved it, I never had that adrenaline rush that people talked about. The fact is the gym to me is boring full of sweaty bodies, in their own worlds ignoring that anyone else exists in their own pit of torture!

I know that to keep fit and exercise my exercise has to be congruent to me (That congruency thing again!) and for me that is walking on the beach, running with my kids, playing wii fit games with my son and cycling with the family.

So when my sister asked me to go to with her to a Legs, Bums and Tums class - I was beyond mortified.

In 36 year I have never done a exercise class, And I would be happy to spend the next 36 years the same way. As much as I love dancing I have the co-ordination of a lettuce.

If you jiggled some sausages in a Sainsbury's carrier bag it would be more co-ordinated than me!

But hey, You asked for challenges!

So I bought the gear and turned up to a roomful of women that looked like they had done this before. Okay so I did seem to be one step behind and had fits of hysterical laughter when they attempted to teach me the grape vine but I really enjoyed it!And I probably got far more exercise than anyone else there as I did 3 steps to their 1 trying to keep up!

I have discovered a new thing to add to my life. A shared moment with my sister just for us, a new way to exercise and its great.

So when it was suggested that I extend from doing nothing for 15 minutes a day to not working for a whole TWO DAYS. I gulped but said why not?

Google appreciate the importance if giving their staff the space to be creative and to tackle problems in a new way by spending 20% of the time doing non work related things - You can even take your dog to work apparently. and we all know how well Google are doing don't we?

So how could it impact on my working week? On my brain cells? On my productivity and creative thoughts?

The fact is I did it this weekend. I did not even turn the laptop on. So not even a glimmer of facebook or twitter. No blogging, no emails, no "I'll just finish this report" Nothing.

After I stopped sweating from the "But what ifs" I found that I had more time for me and my family.

It was like being on holiday. By Sunday morning I was having all these fantastic ideas. I reckon my subconscious must have been throwing a party up there thanking me for all the space it was getting to do its job.

And the impact on this week?

Well so far, I have accepted 2 new challenges that quite frankly I would have questioned I had time for. I have found the answer to something that has been frustrating me for days. And I feel calmer.

The fact is I am not a doctor saving peoples life's, I am not in the emergency services. I do not need to be contacted 24 hours a day. And although my clients appreciate that, maybe I needed to be reminded of that!

So take up the challenge -

Don't work for 2 days...Feels like a challenge? GOOD!

Life is about constantly seeking out new challenges and being prepared to try some what ifs. If you don't then how can new opportunities head your way?

New Year Resolution is No New idea!

A lot of people I have been meeting recently have been commenting on their weight. It seems as the daffodils start to shoot and you begin to notice that it's not dark at 20 to 5 in the afternoon our mind starts to notice those few additional pounds that magically appeared over the festive time and we are not talking about pounds in the bank!

I too have noticed the extra volumptousness about myself however I do not view it in a negative way. I loved my Christmas, the parties, the food, the company, the wine and maybe the odd Margarita and I know that getting back to work and as the weather improves I will be more inclined to go out and not hide under a duvet with the heating set to tropical.

My kids do not notice my change in appearance, my hubby loves me and rolls his eyes in a Simon Cowell fashion when I wobble in front of him - so I too set my mind to positive and know that I am gorgeous regardless. I know my positive mind set ensures that I concentrate on the successful outcome that I expect and I ignore the negative.

And yet so many people feel negatively about their bodies. This in turn leads them to feel negative. Which then starts to affect the way they feel day to day. What effect can that have on your personal and professional life. Are we saying that if you are over weight that you can not be successful?

Are we saying only thin people are a success?

The fact is plenty of stunning models and the worlds favourite actresses are plagued with unhappiness. Success is not just measured by how much money you have.

And yet for many it is. It's measured by the size of your waist band and the noughts in your bank account.

So listening to these people talk about their figures made me think about the pressure we put on ourselves this time of year to create goals and succeed at things that for some have been elusive for years.

Negativity feeds more negativity, so if you fill your mind with pounds in all the wrong places, your brain feeds of it - As much as your body does!

So give your mind a healthy dose of positivity today.

And be congruent with the person you are. Is it realistic to be thinking about getting fitter and leaner physically at the start of the year? Most people have just had at least 6 days off of work. Most in trays are as full as our waist bands. So concentrate on getting the in trays sorted first. When work feels the way you want THEN start to look at the other areas of your life you would like to improve.

The fact is a big reason we do not achieve our goals (apart from not being what we really want!) is that there is too much else going on in our lives right now. My clients quite often find that they deal with an area of their life that they have been ignoring and magically other areas of their life's improve too.

Rocket science it is not!

It is a case of prioritising. What is the most important thing I need to deal with today? When I shut my eyes and my head hits the pillow tonight what will give me the greatest sense of achievement? What can wait until another day? In ten years time will this be of any concern to me - Will I remember how I felt?

So I will leave you with this fact. 58% of people think they will be successful with their new year resolution however only 12% actually is!

So get in that 12%!

Know what you really want. What is congruent to the person you are (your beliefs and values) and be realistic about when and how you are going to achieve it.
And if a helping hand will get you there - find yours. Be it a trusted friend, partner, or coach. I have a client who twitters about everything she is doing. She said it ensures if she does something she will regret later, everyone in the world knows about it and will think she has the will power of a sausage!

I love it!

Game of Cards - Just like business?

Thanks to the snowy weather and a shut school, me and the children have had an extended Christmas holiday. Yes it is frustrating in one way because this week was packed with great new clients, meetings regarding some great projects I am going to be involved in and the preparations for next weeks Business Woman's Network Event.

So plans had to be changed and rearranged.

Because my kids get quality time with me, I was able to convince them that if I worked for an hour first thing I would then devote the rest of the day to them and snowy antics. And after the first 20 minutes of an interruption every three milli-seconds for everything from Sophie is sitting too near me, to whats the most deadliest thing in a rain forest? I was able to do a certain level of work, even coaching over the phone. (I love that about my job, that I can work anywhere anytime and my client can stay safely and warmly in their homes and still get closer to their goals and ambitions.)

So work done, out we went like intrepid explorers. After sledging on the beach, snow ball fights and snow man building and a general explore around Mersea Island I pulled the children to Nanna's house for a warming whisky and a game of cards. For anyone that hates formal exercise or gyms (like me!) pulling a 8 year old and a 6 year old on a sledge for 2 or 3 hours must be great exercise. I definitely have muscles that I did not know had not been exercised for a few months.

As we played cards and argued over whose Black Jack rules were correct, I looked around the table and really appreciated how lucky I am. To have children who want to know me and their grandparents. Parents too who enjoy my company and who I treat like my best friends.

I feel very lucky because I know how many people I coach who have relationship issues with family members and the impact that that can have on your personal and professional life.

This led me to thinking about how different we are within my own family. Although there are traits that are so connecting about us (not just the big nose I hasten to add!) We are so different in some ways. For instance me and my Dad have a bond that is very special and unique. From a very young age I can remember special moments with my Dad. From walking along Westward Ho beach and getting caught out by tide so we climbed the cliff face, to being out at sea in a small boat and seeing our first shark. (We did not wait around to discover that it was a harmless Basking shark!) to helping Dad rub down a wooden boat and joining Dad out on a recovery in the big red lorry with the flashing lights.


I can talk to Dad about anything and we get to do this on long walks along the beach or on days out at sea. If there is a job to be done on board. I know I am his first mate, because we share such a passion for the sea as my Grandad did and even my great grandad before, both of whom were in the merchant navy. However for all our similarities (such as my business acumen, passion for family and gift of the gab - apparently I could sell snow to an Eskimo!) as I played cards yesterday I appreciated how different we can be too.

Dad has to win at everything. Everything is a battle to be won, a challenge, an opportunity to prove himself the best. I am not very competitive at all with other people. I do demand the best from myself and I am hyper critical of everything I do, demanding to know what I can do to improve all the time, however I do not have this fire for 1st place.

Looking around the table I realised that my children do have this desire to win. And as I thought about this more. I appreciated that we were all playing the same game in so many different ways. I was playing to be with my family, to have fun, to laugh.
My Son & Dad were playing to annihilate their opponents and my daughter best of all when she laid an ace she could choose any suit to enable her to win the game. She chose hearts even though she had none! When asked why she had done that she said "because I like hearts" Obviously!

Business is very much like a game of cards. We all want the ultimate outcome to be successful. However what we class that as will vary from person to person. For some it may be an amount of money in the bank that defines success. For others it may be the knowledge that every house hold benefits from their product, it could be a Porsche parked on the drive or a swimming pool in the garden. Whatever it is, our definition of what a successful business looks like will vary, just as our attitude to a game of cards.

So if you can grasp this fact, then you can learn to appreciate that the path that you choose to take to success will differ too. It HAS to be congruent to you. It has to feel right. That gut instinct that gets you sometimes. Trust it, just because another person did it this way, it does not mean it will be right for you.

As with any area of life treat it like a game of cards. Know what the ultimate outcome is that you wish to see, and with every small step work towards it. When the cards don't look the way you want them to make up your own rules!

This life is for living. Enjoy it. Play the games you want to and get the results you want.

It can also help to look at the way you would choose to play a game of cards. Because this shows you what is important to you. As with me. The way I play cards is for fun, to connect with people, to enjoy my time, I do not need to win the game, just do my best. The same is true with my business. I have so much fun with my business, if fulfills me in so many ways. I get to connect with people and I enjoy it.

Some one once said to me Business is not supposed to be fun. She may have had a different idea of what fun looks like, because for me fun happens every day. Fun is something that makes me feel good and full of life. Fun makes me feel happy to be a live. Fun puts a smile on my face and warmth in my heart - My business is definitely fun!

What ever your life looks like, what ever you do to fill your days - I hope you too appreciate fun and playing the game of cards the way you want to.