I have just had a phone call. It was my Dad. "Can I come and take the kids and the dog for a couple of hours, I wanna play?" Can he! That would be wonderful.
I love my children to bits however my sister has finally produced to perfect, beautiful little babies after a very scary and frightening night last Friday spent pacing the hospital corridors reading the same poster for four hundred thousand times, and I am feeling a little bit emotionally knackered. I would have gone crabbing and cycling but Dad's call has given me some ideas.
I would/do/and will always do anything for my family, and my sister is my best friend. I have been there for every moment of her pregnancy from the fear of an ectopic, to the Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, that was one of the most awful things a pregnant woman could have to endure emotionally and physically to losing a heart beat last week. And now for the first time for 8 and half months I feel like I am coming off duty and can breathe. Ultimately the body goes "Eugh, emergency stop required....reserve power.....sleep.....rest....relax.....now"
And what do we women always do when that happens?
Well nine times out of ten we say "I will just get this done and I will relax tomorrow, I will have all day then." But your body does not phone up and book an appointment. It does not say "Hi Body here, look feeling abit shattered any chance of a nice bath, a good book and an early night next Thursday at about 8.30?" It wants it now! It needs it now!
So this phone call is just what the body ordered. ( I am glad that I had had that in the back of my mind for the last 24 hours - thanks law of attraction for doing your thing again.)
But here I lie as I wait for the bath to fill with my special (hidden away from little girly fingers) expensive, luxurious bath oils, book nearly finished, I have a unwanted feeling starting to emerge. And I wanted to deal with it now. And as I am discovering when I add it to my blog it means you too can learn from my experiences and knowledge (and I get to write - which I love!)
The fact is there is a guilty feeling starting to worm its way into my stomach, and no its not hunger. My husband is working I think. There are emails to reply to. I could be playing with my children. I could arrange to meet a client. All these thoughts are entering my head. Why?
The fact is I can chose what I put in my head just as easily as I can chose what I do to today. So here are the facts to replace the guilt with.
I know I always do my best for my clients.
People do not expect emails to be answered within four milli seconds of being sent.
I have just spent 41 days (without a day apart from them) playing, crabbing, picnicing, painting, tenting, meeting friends, going on adventures, going to the seaside, parks, farm,race circuits, adventure parks, cycling, reading, and much more.
I give my all to my children - "Take a chill pill love" is what I think. Because the fact is what kind of a person am I if I do not include myself in the list of people that I protect,care for, love, respect and help?
Surely sometimes you have to say that the one person that needs some quality time from me is ME.
So guilt is being dispelled like an evil witch melting into a green cloud of smoke and disappearing forever, and sense has returned.
So I can smell my bath is ready, kettle is boiled and that book won't read its self.
Remember that if you can not/will not do this for yourself once in a while. What kind of a role model are you to the people around you? To your children? Do you want them to grow up never putting themselves first? Never knowing when they need to listen to their body and take a well deserved relax and restore?
So.... I am off to be a fab role model to my children and hopefully to you too.
Enjoy your day - I know I am.
Thursday 27 August 2009
Sunday 16 August 2009
Magical days creating wonderful memories
Today was one of those days that you expect to see in the middle of a Disney film, just before there is lots of rain and everyone cries, slam lots of doors and it all goes horribly wrong and you think there is no way that there can possibly be a happy ending.
The bit in the film where they play the happy music over people laughing and chasing each other around a half decorated room with paint brushes. Or like the scene where the sun is just setting and the air has a magical warm glow to it as the seeds are blowing in the breeze and the female star falls and the male stars offers her his hand and they smile at each other just a bit too long so that you know that a soppy kissy bit is coming up.
Well the difference to a Disney film is that there is no horribly wrong bit it just happened to be a day I know that I will cherish for as long as I live.
It is quite challenging (and that's putting it mildly) looking after 2 children, a dog, a home and your many business ventures without a hubby around without even begining to contemplate the constant worry of when my nephews are going to enter the world (The twins as if I/you could forget are due anyday). I am just very thankful that he is only on the other side of the world on a business trip and that I do not permanently have to do this. I really admire single parents beyond words. I love to be around people and so I hate being away from him. I like my own company however the front room feels too big to be in without him or the children so I "retire to my room" when they are snuggled in the beds. For the first few days its nice to spend too long writing and sat with a bright green face mask and paint my nails while listening to classical music, however after a week I quite miss pointing out that I have no interest in watching monster constructions and dare I say it his inability to finish a job.
So sometimes it can be hard to keep motivated especially in the holidays to find the space to be me and to still have the energy and the happiness levels to want to play with the children.
Well today was perfect in so many ways.
The kids played first thing allowing me to write (it really is becoming a passion, well beyond a hobby) and then after the essential Sunday stable of a leisurely breakfast. We packed our rucksacks with essential supplies and set off, (and no we did not have lashing of ginger beer, but it did feel a bit like that.)
First we met up with my Dad and cycled with him to the beach and then we said goodbye and cycled half way around Mersea Island until we surrounded by only oyster catchers, seagulls and swans. The only sound when we stopped for our emergency rations to keep us going was the sound of the tide coming in and the long grasses swishing in the breeze. (See Disney like images as I said) It was lots of fun.
The path got too narrow to cycle because of the long grass in our spokes so we walked to the end of the sea wall. As we neared the end of the sea wall suddenly I saw my sons blue cycle hat disappear down the side of sea wall. Unfortunately for my son he was still in it. I dashed to rescue him, only to find him laughing amongst the samphire and pulling the lumps of grass out of his bike.
When we got home we changed faster than catwalk model into our cossies and spent the late afternoon playing in the pool. When the kids had had enough they disappeared to the end of the garden and I had to lie on the lilo on my own reading a good book in the glorious sunshine looking up at my apple tree and seeing the beautiful blue sky like a collage poking through.
It was then just as when we were sat on the sea wall that I stopped what I was doing and just looked around me and I smiled. How lucky I am I thought. To not only be having a great day but to also take the time out to really stop and appreciate how brilliant it is and how lucky I am.
So, as I say it was an afternoon of magical memories that I can treasure forever. I love it when you really appreciate what you already have. Under normal circumstances this is something that I do everyday of the week. How ever awful my day is. I look for something in the day that I feel lucky about or that I treasure and feel blessed with. (Otherwise what was the point of that day!)It just so happens that today was a magical one in which I have taken a snap shot of time and stored it in mind for all time - priceless.
The bit in the film where they play the happy music over people laughing and chasing each other around a half decorated room with paint brushes. Or like the scene where the sun is just setting and the air has a magical warm glow to it as the seeds are blowing in the breeze and the female star falls and the male stars offers her his hand and they smile at each other just a bit too long so that you know that a soppy kissy bit is coming up.
Well the difference to a Disney film is that there is no horribly wrong bit it just happened to be a day I know that I will cherish for as long as I live.
It is quite challenging (and that's putting it mildly) looking after 2 children, a dog, a home and your many business ventures without a hubby around without even begining to contemplate the constant worry of when my nephews are going to enter the world (The twins as if I/you could forget are due anyday). I am just very thankful that he is only on the other side of the world on a business trip and that I do not permanently have to do this. I really admire single parents beyond words. I love to be around people and so I hate being away from him. I like my own company however the front room feels too big to be in without him or the children so I "retire to my room" when they are snuggled in the beds. For the first few days its nice to spend too long writing and sat with a bright green face mask and paint my nails while listening to classical music, however after a week I quite miss pointing out that I have no interest in watching monster constructions and dare I say it his inability to finish a job.
So sometimes it can be hard to keep motivated especially in the holidays to find the space to be me and to still have the energy and the happiness levels to want to play with the children.
Well today was perfect in so many ways.
The kids played first thing allowing me to write (it really is becoming a passion, well beyond a hobby) and then after the essential Sunday stable of a leisurely breakfast. We packed our rucksacks with essential supplies and set off, (and no we did not have lashing of ginger beer, but it did feel a bit like that.)
First we met up with my Dad and cycled with him to the beach and then we said goodbye and cycled half way around Mersea Island until we surrounded by only oyster catchers, seagulls and swans. The only sound when we stopped for our emergency rations to keep us going was the sound of the tide coming in and the long grasses swishing in the breeze. (See Disney like images as I said) It was lots of fun.
The path got too narrow to cycle because of the long grass in our spokes so we walked to the end of the sea wall. As we neared the end of the sea wall suddenly I saw my sons blue cycle hat disappear down the side of sea wall. Unfortunately for my son he was still in it. I dashed to rescue him, only to find him laughing amongst the samphire and pulling the lumps of grass out of his bike.
When we got home we changed faster than catwalk model into our cossies and spent the late afternoon playing in the pool. When the kids had had enough they disappeared to the end of the garden and I had to lie on the lilo on my own reading a good book in the glorious sunshine looking up at my apple tree and seeing the beautiful blue sky like a collage poking through.
It was then just as when we were sat on the sea wall that I stopped what I was doing and just looked around me and I smiled. How lucky I am I thought. To not only be having a great day but to also take the time out to really stop and appreciate how brilliant it is and how lucky I am.
So, as I say it was an afternoon of magical memories that I can treasure forever. I love it when you really appreciate what you already have. Under normal circumstances this is something that I do everyday of the week. How ever awful my day is. I look for something in the day that I feel lucky about or that I treasure and feel blessed with. (Otherwise what was the point of that day!)It just so happens that today was a magical one in which I have taken a snap shot of time and stored it in mind for all time - priceless.
Thursday 13 August 2009
Everything happens for a reason
At 5.30 this morning my son walked in my bedroom. Now before I continue you here I must remind you that I like to be snuggled in my bed by 9ish (with a good book) and last night I let the kids stay up late and we watched a film together, which meant that by the time I had rearranged Sophie's teddies 37 times and organised her blankets in colour code order (She is like Trevor and Simon she doesn't do duvets!) I did not get to bed until nearly 11pm. Not a problem I thought, the kids had a late night, we can all lay in until 7ish and I will be fine. (See I am definitely a morning person.)
So back to my story....
In comes my son at 5.30 complaining of stomach ache and we discovered its actually because there is a spider on the ceiling in his bedroom. Okay if you want to get technical I would have to get a microscope to see the thing but to him it was a monster with layers of drool dropping from its teeth. I did suggest he eat the spider to get rid of his stomach ache but my son is not very gullible and insisted we deal with the minor crises in the Holgate home that could end up on BBC news at 6 if we didn't.
In the pursuing 20 minutes, of fetching a chair from my room and the stupid piddly thing knowing its indoor days were numbered so scuttling in between the planets of the solar system on my sons bedroom ceiling. My daughter (funnily enough) woke too.
Spider dealt with and it is still only 5.50am. The suggestion of going back to bed was laughed at, so up we get at silly o'clock, don't you kids know its the school holidays? Okay I think that in 5 years time I would be happy to have these characteristics in my children as they will probably turn into vampires that can't get out of their pits before midday without the threat of a icicle bed bath (works a treat on you hubby when you want help changing the bed that he refuses to vacate) but it makes for a long day which I know will entail two droopy children at about 4o'clock today. How can this be good I thought?
Well as I sit here updating my blog at 9.30 in the morning I know the answer to that.
Thanks to our bugle at dawn. I have cleared the ironing, emptied the dishwasher, wrote my articles for Septembers edition of Newsround and Healthy Life Essex, Replied to all of yesterday's emails and paired the sock box (okay so there is still the sock monster living in our house and eating the occasional sock so the sock box is not completely empty. Makes me wonder, why we don't bin the odd socks in there. Is it because we secretly hope the Sock monster will regurgitate them some day?)
And all by 9.30 in the morning. Which means I know have time to drop off a present at my friends, return the rented D.V.D's, get some shopping done, pop to the bank and still go crabbing by 11am in what has now turned out to be a sunny day.
Wow! Reading all that I achieved today makes me feel tired. (I have time for a cuppa as well before we go out - how cool is that!) but the fact is half of that would have to have been done tonight when the kids were in bed, and now I have a whole day to play, relax, meet friends, (ooo I think I will have a cuppa with my Mum at some stage too) and enjoy myself.
So I really am appreciating that out of every bad situation something good WILL happen.
Everything happens for a reason. Understand that and when things go horrendously wrong, learn from it and sit back and wait for the reasons to come to you. They are there, its just that sometimes they take their time to be realised by us.
So back to my story....
In comes my son at 5.30 complaining of stomach ache and we discovered its actually because there is a spider on the ceiling in his bedroom. Okay if you want to get technical I would have to get a microscope to see the thing but to him it was a monster with layers of drool dropping from its teeth. I did suggest he eat the spider to get rid of his stomach ache but my son is not very gullible and insisted we deal with the minor crises in the Holgate home that could end up on BBC news at 6 if we didn't.
In the pursuing 20 minutes, of fetching a chair from my room and the stupid piddly thing knowing its indoor days were numbered so scuttling in between the planets of the solar system on my sons bedroom ceiling. My daughter (funnily enough) woke too.
Spider dealt with and it is still only 5.50am. The suggestion of going back to bed was laughed at, so up we get at silly o'clock, don't you kids know its the school holidays? Okay I think that in 5 years time I would be happy to have these characteristics in my children as they will probably turn into vampires that can't get out of their pits before midday without the threat of a icicle bed bath (works a treat on you hubby when you want help changing the bed that he refuses to vacate) but it makes for a long day which I know will entail two droopy children at about 4o'clock today. How can this be good I thought?
Well as I sit here updating my blog at 9.30 in the morning I know the answer to that.
Thanks to our bugle at dawn. I have cleared the ironing, emptied the dishwasher, wrote my articles for Septembers edition of Newsround and Healthy Life Essex, Replied to all of yesterday's emails and paired the sock box (okay so there is still the sock monster living in our house and eating the occasional sock so the sock box is not completely empty. Makes me wonder, why we don't bin the odd socks in there. Is it because we secretly hope the Sock monster will regurgitate them some day?)
And all by 9.30 in the morning. Which means I know have time to drop off a present at my friends, return the rented D.V.D's, get some shopping done, pop to the bank and still go crabbing by 11am in what has now turned out to be a sunny day.
Wow! Reading all that I achieved today makes me feel tired. (I have time for a cuppa as well before we go out - how cool is that!) but the fact is half of that would have to have been done tonight when the kids were in bed, and now I have a whole day to play, relax, meet friends, (ooo I think I will have a cuppa with my Mum at some stage too) and enjoy myself.
So I really am appreciating that out of every bad situation something good WILL happen.
Everything happens for a reason. Understand that and when things go horrendously wrong, learn from it and sit back and wait for the reasons to come to you. They are there, its just that sometimes they take their time to be realised by us.
Friday 7 August 2009
Why is this happening?
We all have days where we want to shout at the sky "Why is this happening?"
Well I always add something to that, because I may not understand the reason why something is happening but I know I am supposed to be learning from it and that everything happens for a reason. However awful and crap it feels at the time, so I always add "What am I supposed to be learning from this?" You can still yell it in a Grrr kind of way.
I am having one of those moments right now.
I had this vision that we could connect local business men and women in a social evening to show case and support local businesses and to support local charities by giving them a couple of big sacks of cash. But with the added bonus that the charities would get to raise their profile and the people attending could get some fabulous "Wow" factor prizes from the event for their efforts. Great eh?
As you can imagine the work to put this together has been immense, however when I think about the tireless work of social enterprises and charities and their dogged determination to help and make things better for others it has always spurred me on.
I am passionate about my business, my family, and me and I wanted to extend my determination and passion to 2 local charities that I feel very passionate about.
Little Havens Children's Hospice is a charity that creates a valuable and essential life line to the families as well as the children, and with two children of my own I hope and pray that I never need their services, but passionately care about every child on this planet so that is why I wanted to support them.
Colchester Mind supports local people experiencing mental health stress from mild anxiety to full on depression. And I know about this first hand. I never ever use the word depressed to describe my state of mind having suffered from severe clinical depression 5 years ago. Colchester mind was the key to me getting better and being better than the person I was before so I passionately wanted to give them a huge sack of cash and help support their great work.
However this is where my "What am I supposed to be learning from this" question comes in.
Because we have had over a £1000 worth of fabulous items come our way for the auction from Ex Prince Andrews chef cooking a valentine's meal in your own home with uniformed staff, to hot stone therapies and flying a plane. People have been knocking on the email door requesting stands for donations of £50 and yet we have not sold all the tickets at half that price. And I do not understand the reason why. (Obviously if we do not sell most of the tickets then the event could not proceed and we would have to refund everyone who has already supported this event with ticket & stand purchases.)The work involved in that does not worry me (although it will grate a bit) more the "Why"
There are lots of obvious things I can learn from this, but what is puzzling me is "What has stopped my from helping these charities?" I am not so worried about the logistics of the event rather the "How can I still go on to support, promote and give you sacks of cash?"
I do not know the answer to this yet. I do not know whether the charity night will go ahead. I do know that if it does it will be great (we have a fabulous toast master running the proceedings) however if it does not then I am sure we can talk to all our donaters (thats not people that eat donuts that's people who donate) and ask them if we may use their prizes in other ways. So we have the prizes, we have some great people who want to support this event, now its time to think.
What's going to happen? I do not know.
How am I going to make these big sacks of cash? I am not sure.
What will I do? I am thinking.
"What am I supposed to learn from this?" Well the most important thing I have learnt so far is that I am a very determined positive person who will find a way. I do not know the answer yet but perhaps I have not asked the right question.
Off to find my answers....
Well I always add something to that, because I may not understand the reason why something is happening but I know I am supposed to be learning from it and that everything happens for a reason. However awful and crap it feels at the time, so I always add "What am I supposed to be learning from this?" You can still yell it in a Grrr kind of way.
I am having one of those moments right now.
I had this vision that we could connect local business men and women in a social evening to show case and support local businesses and to support local charities by giving them a couple of big sacks of cash. But with the added bonus that the charities would get to raise their profile and the people attending could get some fabulous "Wow" factor prizes from the event for their efforts. Great eh?
As you can imagine the work to put this together has been immense, however when I think about the tireless work of social enterprises and charities and their dogged determination to help and make things better for others it has always spurred me on.
I am passionate about my business, my family, and me and I wanted to extend my determination and passion to 2 local charities that I feel very passionate about.
Little Havens Children's Hospice is a charity that creates a valuable and essential life line to the families as well as the children, and with two children of my own I hope and pray that I never need their services, but passionately care about every child on this planet so that is why I wanted to support them.
Colchester Mind supports local people experiencing mental health stress from mild anxiety to full on depression. And I know about this first hand. I never ever use the word depressed to describe my state of mind having suffered from severe clinical depression 5 years ago. Colchester mind was the key to me getting better and being better than the person I was before so I passionately wanted to give them a huge sack of cash and help support their great work.
However this is where my "What am I supposed to be learning from this" question comes in.
Because we have had over a £1000 worth of fabulous items come our way for the auction from Ex Prince Andrews chef cooking a valentine's meal in your own home with uniformed staff, to hot stone therapies and flying a plane. People have been knocking on the email door requesting stands for donations of £50 and yet we have not sold all the tickets at half that price. And I do not understand the reason why. (Obviously if we do not sell most of the tickets then the event could not proceed and we would have to refund everyone who has already supported this event with ticket & stand purchases.)The work involved in that does not worry me (although it will grate a bit) more the "Why"
There are lots of obvious things I can learn from this, but what is puzzling me is "What has stopped my from helping these charities?" I am not so worried about the logistics of the event rather the "How can I still go on to support, promote and give you sacks of cash?"
I do not know the answer to this yet. I do not know whether the charity night will go ahead. I do know that if it does it will be great (we have a fabulous toast master running the proceedings) however if it does not then I am sure we can talk to all our donaters (thats not people that eat donuts that's people who donate) and ask them if we may use their prizes in other ways. So we have the prizes, we have some great people who want to support this event, now its time to think.
What's going to happen? I do not know.
How am I going to make these big sacks of cash? I am not sure.
What will I do? I am thinking.
"What am I supposed to learn from this?" Well the most important thing I have learnt so far is that I am a very determined positive person who will find a way. I do not know the answer yet but perhaps I have not asked the right question.
Off to find my answers....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
