Beyond skin deep - What really matters.

Something very important has changed for me, and it all happened out of the most unusual of things.

I can not tell you the exact reason why, but circumstances occurred so that I ran out of Evening Primrose Oil just at the wrong time of the month so that my face erupted with spots the size of pyramids big enough to house whole civilisations of microorganisms (better check you spelt that one right Mandie) just at the same time that either I lost the ability to explain myself properly to my hairdresser or she too was having a time of the month kind of a day, because I seem to have a hair cut cross between Elvis and Cherie Blair. Now on Reese Wetherspoon that would not be a problem, but the above combo does not do wonders for the way I look.

But what is very unusual is my attitude to this. Usually I would feel like hiding away, and there is no better excuse since the school holidays have just begun. With a mud mask permanently attached to my face and a hat welded to my head. But I have no desire to do this.

Usually I would feel less like attending networking meetings or if I did not feel my normal level of bubbly confidence and only listen and answer others questions, but I don't feel like that as I get ready to go out right now. I normally would be drawn to hiding behind my book as I talk to a client but I have been completely forgetting the spots on my face that if they were diamonds my hubby would be in my best books if he came home with.

And I know what has changed and I am beginning to understand the reason why too.

Firstly the person inside me I have finally begun to really like. I accept that I am not perfect and I like me. I actually like me. I know I have weaknesses, I know I have strengths and I finally hear people's compliments. No matter what happens to the outside of my body, inside me is the same me.

Secondly because I have been forth right in raising my profile and promoting my business I have had so many great opportunities come my way. Of which none of them I have said no to. This can lead you to do things that are bit like"Why am I doing this?" but it always works out that something leads from these things at the very least. And from these new experiences I have lots of lovely people say great things about me. The funny thing is that people have been saying nice things about me for over 35 years and yet until now I have not listened.

No diamond size spots or dodgy hair cuts are going to affect the brilliant light of a person that I am. I am going to spend more time appreciating the person that I am on the inside and worry even less about spots and hair cuts (wobbly bits are not even getting a look in.) And I know that this is working because as I look in the mirror my eye is not drawn to my blemishes and my imperfections but to my gorgeous shoes and my heart shaped necklace. The necklace is a visual reminder to me of what is important is what is on the inside, and sorry shoes that does not mean you either!

Speical offers for a special month.

This time last year business was just begininning to be what I wanted it to be. I was on a steep learning curve and through these expereicnes I have met some wonderful people who have really supported me and given me ideas or opportunities to progress and achieve what I want out of my business.

What I did not appreciate last year (that I really understand this year) is that a part of this was that I could take time off over August and not feel too much guilt because yes I should have been "out there" promoting me and my business but if I took time off it was not going to impact on my work load or effect my work life balance too much. This year on the hand its a different matter!

Children and business make a tricky combination at the best of times. And this has really helped me appreciate how brilliant I am at juggling business and mother hood but the holidays because they are longer than two weeks are making me think very differently.

Normally I would have a primary school teacher of a sister with 6 weeks to do nothing in ( yes teachers around the world I am joking, I know very well the excessive mounds of paperwork you have to tackle as well as term plans, and lesson planning, etc) but she is busy this year cooking the twins. Only a few weeks to go i might add. We have all wrote in her diary when we think the babies will arrive, and I just pray it is not the day of the Charity Auciton and bring a man networking night. Over a 100 local business men and women creating business and raising money for local charities and I have this vision of me having to ask the toast master to announce "We regret to annouce that the events organiser is leaving us because she has somewhere more important to be!" Not quite what I have planned. So, twins please stay in there until Saturday 22nd of August because Auntie Mandie would be very grateful.

So my normal helping hands are out of action. My Parents are being great. Although I do like to count my childrens fingers when they leave because grandad is there best mate and takes them out to his workshop to "play" Being a mum I have different ideas to playing to him. I imagine footballs and lego he gives them hacksaws and hammers. It makes a play date with grandad exciting for them and a mystery as to how many fingers my children will have when I collect them.

So I find myself thinking very differently with regards to my schedule. Normally I arrange meetings and network events during school hours. Now I am networking evenings and arranging meetings at various times of the day. This helped me to appreciate two things.

Firstly that I have a great hubby that will happily support me so that I can continue to do what I passionately enjoy so much.

Secondly working different hours means that I can be even more flexible for my clients, there by offering them an additional service.

So with that in mind I am offering a 25% discount off of all phone coaching between 5pm and 8pm for the month of August. If you fancy trying something original and new to support you and to help you get what you want out of your personal or professional life then why not give coaching a go. Its great for when you don't know where you should be concentrating your efforts, are you heading in the right direction doing what you want to be doing? Do you wonder what else you could be doing?

Working with me you can establish what you want to achieve, how you are going to achieve it and together we will work out what you need to do and get it done.

Lets all work and live to our full potential, even if that does mean working differently and even knowing when to stop.

Its a woman thing - be prepared!

Yesterday I learnt a valuable lesson.

As a Mum, but foremostly as a woman, we have an uncanny ability to be prepared for any eventuaility. At a networking event in a roomful of women I am sure I could shout out random items and someone would have one, or be able to make one from the items at the depths of their handbag in a Ray Mears stylee. Okay so a man might argue that that's because our handbags are now so large that when we arrive at departures they slap an outsized baggage sticker on it. I would argue better they stick it on my gorgeous bag than on my butt!

As a mum you quickly learn (or fail miserably and get the disappointed look of your child glaring at you) that children very well may know about a party 2 weeks in advance but they will give you the party invite less than 3 hours before the party begins. And yet we will still produce a beautfully wrapped perfect present and card with 5 seconds to go as if we possessed Harry Potter's skills!

(That's another thing. I wonder why can't men wrap presents? They have a unique skill to wrap a box into the shape of a sateillite dish with a giraffe sat on the top. I suppose as cave men there was not much need to be able to arrange throw cushions or wrap presents nicely, just throw a spear acurately and be our brave warrior heros. Secretly there is something I love about the old black and white films with the old style hero and the high heeled 1940s dressed women that fainted at the sight of a dead body into the arms of the hero. Now there's a post for another day!)

Krypton Factor should come back with a Mum special. Could you imagine it? Mums dashing round Sainsburys entertaining a 2 year old, while unwrapping a bannana for a 4 year old, while replying to an email on their blackberry and missing the spill in aisle 4 and all in the process of finding their loyalty card in the bottom of their bag the size of Bournemouth and beating the woman with the trolley stacked past her nose to the shortest queue in checkout 16.

But all joking aside, it's not just a case of an ability to multi task, it's an in-built ability to be prepared for anything. In the back of my car I have everything from roller blades and wellies, to carrier bags, blankets, warning triangles and tents. So you guessed it if I break down in the mountains I can build protection, wrap up warm and rollerblade to the bottom for help while leaving my warning triangle out to warn others of the obstruction ahead. Okay so it may not happen but as us women like to say "You never know" We are prepared for anything ........ or so I thought.

Yesterday I saw a client first thing, a quick hour in the office then I was meeting a wonderfully inspirational business woman for lunch, followed by my children's leavers assembly and networking in the evening. I was wearing a black dress with a cute bright cardigan with matching 'I loved at first sight' heels. If it was the dog or the heels I would have to think for half a second about what to rescue first (only joking stupadog!) Perfect for my day.... or so I thought.

When I met this lady for lunch she wanted to show me around these wonderful gardens that will be the location for a fantastic project that she is a part of. As we strolled around the lily dotted lakes and under the beautiful old trees admiring the ages old manicured gardens I walked on something that looked like a grassless patch, in actual fact I sank about 3 inches. If it had been my perfectly petite friend I may have had to go back to my car and get the search light and tow rope to get her out! But my poor shoes and yes Mandie that is mud squelching between your toes - mmmm nice. (Before I contine with this I feel I should make you aware that no shoes were harmed in the making of this blog, they cleaned up beautifully thanks to some spa towels that my friend insisted I used to restore my gorgeous heels with.)

Later that day I arrived at the networking event only to discover there was nowhere to park within a 10 minutes walk. I love my new shoes but I had been in them since 8am and I really didn't want to do that. And you know how we don't like to be parted with objects of beauty.

There was physically lots of parking but none allowed to be used by actual people or cars! (and they wonder why city centres are losing trade!) I smiled sweetly at a restaurant owner to let me park in his car park and promised to return for some tapas, but even his staff have nowhere to park! So I found a car park and strolled to the event ignoring the fact that the feet were yelling "we are a tad tired, any chance of some slippers?"

Ha Ha. The networking event was in this lovely secret garden behind their offices. People were under trees sipping wine and eating sausages from the barbie, until that was the 3rd thunderstorm of the day started. With true Brit style we continued regardless, with the fatal words "I don't think it will be much" at which point the sky turned yellow and buckets of water started being dropped on us. My friend had left her bag open, it took four of us to lift it and get the water out so that we could dash for cover! (Okay so maybe I exaggerate a little)

Looking at the sky in any direction it was not going to stop off any time soon, so I knew that I was now in for a soaking. And this is where my ramblings have brought me to thinking. I had one of two ways of looking at this situation. I couldn't leg it in heels and I was not going to run barefeet across Colchester. So I could either groan and get my head down and pray to be back at the car as quick as poss or I could stroll home as if it was a beautiful summer's evening smiling at people huddled in doorways. The latter was so much more fun!

As I strolled along swinging my handbag I made comments to people like. "I think it might rain you know" and "Oh that was close I nearly stepped in that puddle!" People's miserable "Oh its raining again its going to ruin my night out" faces turned into smiles. The amount of people that chatted and told me where they were heading and what they were going to do when they got there. One woman even wanted to know my secret to being so happy and asked for my business card! Who would have thought that?

You get to choose all your life how you look at any situation. It is something in you that gets you to see an occasion in a negative or positive way, but the important point is this. You can decide that whatever happens however awful it feels you can decide to turn it around. I believe that everything happens for a reason. And as harsh as that sounds and as rubbish as it may feel now years later you think about the past and you can see if that had not happened I would not be doing what I am getting to do now.

Years ago I had severe clincial depression. I was a very sick bunny. At the time the world had stopped and could not see a way out. I thought it would kill me. But now I know that I am the person I love to be today because of the experiences I have been through - primarly that one.

So now when things are not going right I always ask myself what am I supposed to be learning here?

I learnt yesterday however prepared you think you are, you can still get caught out. But the way I made so many people smile as I strolled home in a thunderstorm and the look on my family's face when I dripped in the door is priceless. And had I had my brollie and my wellies I would have missed out on all that. Getting caught out was actually the best thing that could have happened. And no, before you ask, thanks to a diet packed with Vit C and a passion for garlic there is not a sniffle in sight. I don't 'do' colds. Thats a mind over matter thing that I will tell you about another day.

Have fun.

Glossy mags that work for you

Someone gave me a copy of Good Housekeeping - My first response was "I may not have the waist of a 10 yr old boy and wear Yassar Arafat style scarves regardless of the temperature - but I'm not that old!"

But as I flicked through from the back. Yes the back. I thought this was a tad odd too - but I found someone that does the exact same thing, and we discovered that we had sooo much in common and instantly hit it off - something psychological going on there me thinks.

It reminded of when I recently attended a marketing seminar. Learning things like how long it takes you to decide if you like a website, less than 3 seconds apparently! (That's not the most motivational news for any of you thinking of re-designing your website is it?) and how we see a hint of red first, and read in an F pattern (odd!) or that if you send out a 1000 leaflets your average return rate will be 2! Yes just 2, so think carefully whether THAT'S the best course of action for your business before you head off to the printers!

It got me thinking about how we are actively encouraged to think in different ways, to feel different things all the time. External influences are at it all the time, and whether you think you're paying attention and give a rat's hoot about the size of a z lists celebrity's butt, the fact is your subconscious quietly stored that info away. And depending on the person you are will depend on how that information gets stored and treated.

If you have had the experiences in your life to reinforce the person you are and to build your confidence then you WILL treat this info as worthless and it gets filed away in your subconscious deleted file, but if you look in the mirror and your eyes are drawn to the wrinkly bit of skin under your arm, or the laughter lines (yes laughter lines not deep groove wrinkles that need made up biohydrowhatsit technology!) then your subconscious will put a level of importance on that image and store it close to hand. And what does THAT do for your confidence?

As I flicked through the pages of this glossy I noticed a big difference to my normal glossies that I choose. The lack of the 'eat banana vines before midday' and a 'solution of chilli, Sarsons vinegar and juiced berries from the foothills of the Andes at bedtime' diet. The "I lost 3 stone and found the real me" stories. The lack of criticise and soul destroy the celebrity and successful people pages and the lack of 'I am a celeb and I do the hoovering to keep my bum firm and thighs like elongated sausages' - yeah right!! but a lot of hey "you are already great" instead.

Okay so I am not so interested in where to get an old suitcase repaired or where to get the perfect secateurs (although I was chuffed with finding out how to get stains out, since I have a muck monkey for a daughter) but I love this attitude. I love the don't change you, just understand the person you are and do more of that.

I went to a fabulous seminar yesterday with a guy that is the male version of me in everything he believes and does to get what he wants out of life and he spoke a lot about congruence and Good Housekeeping is singing this from the roof tops.

Congruence is about being what you are meant to be. Saying, feeling and acting in the same way. Have you noticed how on occasion everything seemed to flow? It felt natural, like this is what was meant to happen. That's not luck that's congruence at work.

How can you create this state so that your life flows naturally to whatever you want to achieve and succeed at?

Before you read another glossy or admire another B - List lounging in a castle on a fluffy white rug. Think about you.

What's important to you? What do you like doing? What are your dreams and aspirations?

Because if you understand what is important you will be able to appreciate that half the glossy magazine does not even apply to you. You may think it would be nice to have a butt like a 15 yr old school girl, but if you hate the gym, you and your parents are shaped like beach balls and you love Ben and Jerrys ice cream how much happiness is this butt going to create for you? Think of the pressure you would be creating for yourself to be someone that is not congruently you.

The opposite can be true too - Have you noticed how something "just clicked" and you instinctively knew what to do? The reason? You were listening to you, what is important to you, what you believe, what your values are - In other words you were congruent to everything that is important to you. Don't live your life admiring other peoples lives, get the life you want and you won't find it in any glossy magazine.

If you do one thing differently today make it the decision to listen to what is important to you. Professionally and personally you deserve to succeed in everything you do - Get Congruent, get Results!