Why do mints melt?

My son is a bright spark. When he was 15 months old my hubby came home from work and asked "Why is our son running around the house shouting rotivator!" But this can have its draw backs. Firstly from a young age we couldn't tell a little white lie and get him into bed early because he knew the real time. Secondly he remembers everything. If my mum moves a vase to a different window sill or moves a plant pot he notices it. Which is very handy when you are trying to rebuild a room before your sister returns but not so handy when he remembers a knickknack he made has been disappeared or conversations from 2 years ago and can even tell you where you were sat and what you wearing!

But one thing I had not really bargained for was his questions. I know all children ask all sorts of odd, bizarre and impossible to answer questions at some time or another, but my son at 8 still asks at least one a day, and one of the reasons I am rapidly going off of this is because it makes me feel a bit thick. Yes I did well at school but science, history and geography info has been filed far back in the recesses of my mind to make way for relevant info that as you can imagine doesn't include why is metal cold and what is the distance to Saturn. Thankfully half of the time we are at home so thanks to my best friend Google I can find out the exact temperature of the sun, or how many stars there are. (The answer to those two in case your interested is very hot and a lot!)

But when we are on the way to school I don't have google to hand (curse the lack of a Blackberry - I am not allowed one, my hubby says I am a workaholic as it is. He's argument is that when we first got married he threw my Filofax down the stairs at 2 o'clock in the morning because I had remembered a job and wanted to write it down. Yes I know very unreasonable and thus he dreads the thought of what would be unleashed on society if I was permanently attached to the world. My answers would for ever more be "mmmmm" "yes dear" and"that sounds great") so with no Blackberry and no Google I have to think fast.

However when you are mentally checking that you shut the dining room door because the cake is in there and you don't want the dog to eat it (again), you have picked up Sophie's ballet bag, you have remembered the sat nav AND the address of your client and did I pay for the school trip? there is not a great deal of room for "Why do mints melt?" Right now I am trying to recreate the look that must come on my face when one of these questions comes at me like a party popper in the face. It must be a cross between "Ow I hurt myself" and "my brain has been removed, who am I?"

But this did get me thinking because I wonder if he is a coach in the making. His ability to ask questions that really get you thinking about a subject that has been staring you in the face is amazing. Another example of his coaching skills that made me so proud. We have a new game for the Wii and my daughter is as adept at it as her Mum, and she was shouting "grrrr I am rubbish at this - I can't do it!" To which my son replied " If you believe you can do it - you will. Come on Soph I think you can do it, let's look at what's happening." How cool is that? Motivation and support from your 8 year old brother.

Because that's what coaching is about. Its about asking the right questions and supporting you to find them, create them and achieve them. And in all honesty if everyone in their lives learnt to ask not just the right questions but in the right way, it could be surprising how you start to see different results.

"Asking the right questions takes as much skill as giving the right answers." Robert Half . You said it Robert.

Women + cameras = Fast moving women in opposite direction.

Any one that knows me knows that I have been wetting myself (not literally thankfully) about a photo shoot I had to do. I am often helping my clients appreciate the importance of making their website, and promotional information personal and unique to them, because this is essential. To really stand out and make people think "mmmm I like her I want to work with her."

Again people that know me, know that I am always saying "people do not buy from businesses they buy from PEOPLE" So you are an important equation in your business success. So I knew that the pictures of me that exist on the world wide web were not the best they could be (unlike me) and something had to be done about it. And as I also say "what ever you want to do the least is the thing you need to do first"

But what is it about women and having their photos taken? A really stunning lady I know told me the other day that her hubby complains that he looks like a single dad in their holiday snaps because she is always behind the camera! How bizarre is that?

And in all in honesty when I booked my photo shoot I went back through our albums and realised that percentagely (yes its a made up word - why not?) I am only in about 10% of the photos. Okay I am no Heidi Klum, but people don't generally run down the streets screaming "aaahhh my eyes, my eyes" after meeting me in the street. In a 1950's style alien attack stylee. So why do I hide behind the camera?

I realised that although I am a confident business woman, maybe my confidence in me is not as great as it could be?

In the past I had coaching to help me build my confidence and it worked. I now have the confidence to walk into a room full of strangers, determined to meet people and get to know them. Confident in the knowledge that I am nice to know and a pleasure to talk to. Not my words but I have open ears to hear the compliments that I didn't have when I lacked self belief and confidence. Yes I get nervous when I stand up in front of a hundred people. I am normally thinking "can they see my heart pumping out of my chest?" but I have the confidence and self belief that they have paid to see me and want to hear what I have to say. So smile, share and enjoy it.

But maybe that confidence has slipped a bit or I have not developed my personal confidence as well as I have my professional confidence. With this in mind I was determined to find the self belief in the person that I look like. A photographer told me that its vanity that stops women having their photo taken. but I disagree. If you don't feel confident in the way you look, the last thing you want is permanent reminders of it.

With these thoughts in my head you can imagine how nervous, and how many trips to the loo I made before my photo shoot. Not forgetting how many times I nearly phoned him. "Sorry I have a spot/broken nail/aversion to bright lights/a prior engagement with the dentist, I can't make it"

I even had an offer to go out on my dad's boat for the day, and since that's my idea of heaven. (So far out to sea, you nearly cant see land, no phones/laptops/jobs/kids/hubby (he gets sea sick on damp grass) I could have been easily tempted.

"But no Mandie" I thought, as I have always said "never ask others to do what you are not prepared to do yourself" So I packed my 4 outfits, with matching jewellery, my props, makeup and hair brush. Buffed, scrubbed, manicured, and preened myself. Acknowledged that for some reason my fringe did not want to sit anywhere near my forehead (for the first time in 35 years!) and got in the car. First step accomplished!

I will not describe what my innards were doing, but needless to say I was not feeling in a relaxed smiley mood when I drove to the photographer. So you know what I did? I coached myself through it. Instead of thinking of the ordeal in front of me. I thought about how I wanted my website to look with my picture on it,and nothing else. I thought about how I wanted to feel when I left and drove home. I pictured a smiley, confident woman happy in the knowledge that her website pictures were fab.

And do you know what? I think (mmmmm I actually stopped typing and thought about this) I enjoyed it. Not at first. At first I felt very self conscious and daft. I hate fuss and this was definitely fuss. But as I relaxed (thanks to a friendly, funny and great photographer) and he showed me the shots and realised the smiles on my face were genuine and I looked .........kinda nice.

And the best bit, is I when I got home I looked in the mirror and I saw a different woman. I couldn't see this grotesque disfigured uuuuggggllly woman. I saw someone with great cheekbones, friendly blue eyes and surprisingly not the biggest nose in the world.

So the photo shoot didn't just give me new pictures to adorn my website, social networking pages and promotional literature, it helped build my self belief. "Hey Mand, you are not the ugliest woman on the planet, you are pretty good looking" So the next time I see a camera, like last week at a networking event where I hid behind the person I was talking to" I will just smile. Heidi Klum I am not, I am Mandie Holgate and its pretty cool!

Treehousetastic! Changing our view - Changing our mind.

Its bank holiday Monday the sun is trying to shine, but failing miserably and being someone that starts to freeze below 15 degrees Celsius, I have retreated to the house while the rest of the family seem oblivious to the lack of heat to the day and continue to build a tree house.

My main reason for helping was that it was fun, playing at the end of the garden watching the children paint each other (sorry I mean the tree house) and gleefully laughing as the realisation of their plans become a reality. As dad builds the ladder and I get splattered with paint. (will that come out before my meeting tomorrow morning I wonder? or will I have to go to see my client with blue skin from paint or blue skin from scrubbing it for 3 hours in the bath.) I can't deny its looking very cool.

When we discussed the idea of a tree house to go with the climbing frame, the decking (the kids not mine!) the summer house (again the kids not mine!) and the swing. I became a bit nervous about the scale of the thing. I was thinking quaint little tree house jutting out from the edge of the walnut tree, close enough to the cherry to enable the kids to collect cherries before the birds nick them all. But from pencil sketches to detailed to scale computer generated plans my nerves set in. "that looks a bit bigger than I was planning" I said while secretly thinking "we may need to get lights put at the top of this thing to allow planes to navigate round it!".

I love our garden, it's long with lots of different trees. From Cherry and apple to plum and walnut. There is a secret place to sit where no one can see you, as you sip a gin and tonic under the shade of a twisted willow. Sat on a big bench hidden away, able to enjoy the sun dappling through the trees and the birds are not so bothered by you, because you are hidden away in their domain. (and yes I did read the secret garden!)

This project made me realise that something that I was not good at until recently (and even now I have my moments) is the ability to let my hubby be in charge. When it comes to our home I am rather particular about it and I like to control exactly how it looks. I had wanted a Georgian themed white and green dining room with fret work shelves and cupboards, delicate and refined. My hubby saw some wallpaper in the bargain bin (its there for a reason!) that looked like Mediterranean style walls in a warm yellow. My plan went out of the window and I bent towards a Mediterranean style courtyard overlooking the sea through a field of vines painted by me. Okay so its not to everyone's taste, but actually I love it. Instantly I am transported to my favourite little vineyard in the South of France and I feel warm and in need of some garlic and some good wine. So I backed off (a big deal for control freak me) and let the plans take shape, and yes it was a scary thing to just say "yes guys, your plans look great I can't wait to see the finished project" when internally I was screaming "step away from my walnut tree!"

Hubby is grand in his ideas and plans so I knew it could turn out to bigger than our home and need its own post code! But I stuck to my goal, this was their project. My role was to paint what I was told, marvel at every stage and secretly love standing up high amongst the trees and see the world from a different angle. A secret place that is special and unique.

Its not just about being able to snoop over the fence. (Although our neighbours garden is so huge with an overgrown medley of vines and brambles and trees that I know where the family of foxes live.) Its about seeing the world in a different way. We have lived here for 5 years but I have never seen our house or the garden or the surroundings in this way before. I have a new appreciation for what we have and the way we live. All from just standing 7 foot higher in the air. That view has always been there, we just had never thought to look at it.

Think about that for a moment, what could you look at in a different way to get a different outlook or a different view on?

I know that I am going to look at things as if I was standing up high among the trees. Same location, different view point. and I am going to notice over the next few days. That's all. I don't need to change anything just notice.

Need to kick start your business? Find your zest for life? Think Lego!

Last week was my son's 8th birthday. What he wanted more than anything else was Lego. From F1 Mclaren racing cars to Star Wars space ships. He has a real knack for them, deftly creating something amazing in half the time you would have hoped considering the amount of money the kits cost.

This got me thinking.

Firstly why is it no matter how much you check the floor for toys before commencing the hoovering there will always be a piece of Lego, a marble or one of Polly pockets shoes clanking around inside the hoover within 30 seconds? Amazing isn't it?

I believe there must be a black hole that opens up when I start hoovering and it spews out random bits of toy for me to spend 20 minutes sifting through the dusty, "O.M.G this is dead skin cells" dirt of the content of my hoover cylinder.

And no, bagless hoovers do not make this task easier. It just brings it to your distraught child's attention quicker. Where as you may have thought "Really how many shoes does Polly Pocket need? I'm sure she wouldn't miss one" Your daughter/Son is already imploring you to stop attempting to make the house look nice and try to get 20 more jobs done before you get tea started, and in actual fact you really want to spend 20 minutes going through the contents of your hoover.

The second thing that I thought, (was far nicer). As a child I too loved Lego. Okay technically I am just helping my son build things with it at this age. Technically at 35 I am not playing I am assisting my children - although if my husband is in the room too, my son quickly susses the safest option is to leave the room before his parents barge him out of the way and don't let him play with his own toys. He can be a right meanie you know.

The thing I loved about Lego is it did exactly what it said it would. You looked on the box, you found all the pieces inside and following the simple instructions, you too could build exactly what Lego had built. You could put your finished model next to the box and you would not be able to tell the difference.

How many toys as a child did you have that really could rise to this? How many times did you unwrap the cellophane and carefully open the box, only to be disappointed because there wasn't actually aliens clambering across the middle of the game, they had just added those on the front to make it LOOK exciting and amazing, when in actual fact the most exciting thing about the came was the sound the pop up dice made.

Lego doesn't play with you like this and never has. Ironically it is also the only present you receive that you are excited by the fact that it sounds like a very broken box of china. Under normal circumstances that noise, would get you walking as far a way from the Christmas tree as possible with a "that had nothing to do with me" look on your face.

What I wanted to share with you here was a great tip for you in your personal and professional life. Whether its concentrating on an area of your business or making changes in your personal life. THINK LEGO.

Don't just work out what you want and how you are going to get it. Try this. Imagine walking into a store and in every aisle there are thousands of boxes floor to ceiling and on every box is a picture of you. In each picture you are doing exactly what you want to do in some area of your life. Maybe you are stood by your dream car, in your ideal office location wearing just the perfect outfit looking amazing, or maybe you are lounging by a pool outside your idyllic home. Whatever your heart desires is in this store, just for you. Pick a box, don't get greedy now, come back another day for another one.

Now really think Lego. Describe that box cover to yourself in detail, know exactly what it looks like. Now open that box and follow those instructions. If you ever did Lego as a child you will know that although there maybe 30 pages of instructions to follow at every stage you only add about 5 pieces. So what 5 pieces are you going to add, today? if this sounds a bit daft, think about it from a different angle.

If I offered you every piece of Lego in the world and said you can build everything you want to. It would probably feel rather overwhelming. There are so many options to choose from where do you start? So back up and wander into your personalised Lego store, pick up a box, and follow the simple instructions. Don't try and build everything on the box today, just add 5 little pieces.

When you really think through what you want, you have a natural ability to head towards it. But it can still be a daunting job, so break it down, into little tiny pieces. and ask yourself this. I can see my completed image on the front of the box, what one thing could I do to work towards that?

I have a Lego box in front of me right now. It shows a picture of an office, with a fluffy "stupadog" at my feet and I am sat at my desk reading emails from around the world about everyone else's Lego boxes and I am smiling.

So don't look at everyone else's Lego boxes, wander through your own store and enjoy. Life should be more about playing and enjoying yourself right?

Well the Easter Hols have started, and so here I am struggling to not let the "I should be's" get me.

As a business woman I love the way that with my chosen profession I can work the hours I want around my family, because ultimately I love being a Mum and I love being with and playing with my children. As I always say there is such a short time in their lives that they are little and that they actually WANT to be with me and I want to take advantage of every moment of that.

So in the school Hols I do my best to keep my diary free, when I do work I work iin the evening when they are in bed, or hubby can do playtime, or arrange a play date with grandad and nana, and thanks to the E world I can always find an hour to keep in touch with my business world.

Lets face it children dont notice you exist when they are in front of a Wii!

So this is all great for my children but the flip side is the worry about the effect this is having on my business. "I should be doing this" "I should be doing that" Can I really get away with not working everyday for two weeks and still have the successful business I want?

But who does that attitude help? It certainly does nothing for my mindset.The fact is that I am a good business woman, I am achieving what I want to, so I hold on to this knowledge. And do you know what? Building sandcastles and eating chips on the beach feels all the better for knowing that I can have the business I want and the fun I want with my children.

So when the "I should's" hit over the next two weeks I will smile knowing that everything is just fine.

I'd love to know how do you balance life, maybe not with children, but maybe with partners, hobbies, friends, or fitness. What ever it is do you always have the balance you would like? and how do you achieve it?Please share your ideas for a happy balanced successful life?I look forward to sharing with you via Twitter of Facebook.

Wishing you all a Happy Easter what ever you are doing.

Best Wishes,Mandie

Ive got what I wanted

For those that know me I have had a scary few weeks. 2 weeks ago I was rushed to hospital unable to breathe suffering from severe chest pain. Everyone (including me) thought heart attack, which is near on impossible, I am healthy, fit and have never even tried a cigarette so it was unlikely, but E.C.Gs and chest x-rays ensured. 2 Weeks later I am no better, and thanks to the interesting breathing I feel like I am about to pass out all the time.

The answer? The doctor signed me off for 2 weeks and gave me scary float off to the ceiling tablets, which I wont take.

Well we are one week exactly into this "rest, put your feet up and enjoy doing nothing" fortnight, and I am NOT enjoying it.

I love walking through the park and running with my children, I like a tidy home, I like an empty wash basket and I love my job. Its a great job I spend hours talking to people helping them appreciate their strengths and understand and tackle their weaknesses. To watch people achieve things they always thought were unattainable is a great way to spend your time and I am so missing it.

This got me thinking (as I often do) about what we really want. Life has been so hectic recently with the launch of The Business Woman's Network, writing for magazines, seminars, workshops, Coaching and not forgetting my wonderful children and hubby, I have on the odd occasion listened to the sound of the alarm and thought "wouldn't it be nice to just ignore that and lay here all day" Well to the Mandie of 2 weeks ago "NO it would not be nice to lay here!"

If one good thing comes out of feeling this yuck I know that it is an even bigger appreciation of my life. I rarely go a day where I do not look at my children or hug my hubby and not think "aren't I lucky" but now I can really appreciate everything.

I have my goals laid out for where I am taking my business and the business ventures that I am involved in, but I now appreciate that although I have not reached these yet I am enjoying the journey.

It made me think. How often are we looking into the distance at what we want to achieve, own or create that maybe we don't take the time to notice what we already have achieved, what we already have and do bring into this world and the peoples lives that surround us?

So today stop for a

moment and think, "What do I appreciate?" Its great to have goals and ambitions but if you are constantly looking over the horizon will you end up treading on and damaging what you already have?

So as I sit here in bed and think "Oh no, another week yet and no sign of improvement" I am also thinking.

What a great life I lead, and what a great opportunity to stand back and appreciate what is already around me. But don't worry I can still clearly see the horizon and I know its as bright and sunny as the here and now.

If only we could see it.

The other day I was chatting with friends and one of my friends commented on how trendy I was looking today, admittedly I was feeling great, wearing a new short skirt and a cute designer jacket and leather boots, but her comment about me having great legs was completely ignored by me. My reply was "I think you have great legs and I would love to have hair as gorgeous as yours."

Why had I not heard her compliment? which led me to wonder "Did she hear mine about her?" I bet she didn't, and if she did she didn't believe it. I was even able to give her an example of the cute dress and leggings she had had on the previous week, but I bet she dismissed my compliment as quickly as I dismissed hers. Why is this?

Okay so there are people who say things that they think people want to hear for various reasons, to be liked, to get on the persons good side etc But for most of the time most of us, give a compliment because we notice something nice and want to say it. Its that simple. If I see someone carrying a gorgeous bag - I will tell her (and secretly imagine it on my arm!) because its nice for someone to compliment us isn't it?

If it is why do we ignore them so often?

Women especially seem to only notice their bad points, instead of rose tinted glasses we seem to have the opposite - What would they be I wonder? manure coloured perhaps?

This led me to wondering, women are affected by so many external influences, what the celebs are wearing, what the mags say IS fashionable, What the shops tells us we SHOULD be wearing. I wonder do these external influences undermine our ability to trust our own judgment on things? Do these restrict us from believing that we too are beautiful because we don't conform to a magazine cover?

So here's an idea - What would happen if we all believed all the compliments we are given from now on. I wonder how long before we would be less critical of our lumpy bits when we look in the mirror, and maybe we might even start to notice the shining luscious hair and radiant smile first instead of the cellulite under the bingo wings.

I for one am going to give it a try. Hey here's another thought - would the criticism from the outside world feel so detrimental to our well being if we have raised the level of our own belief about ourselves?

If you are going to give this a go, I will give you a piece of advice that I learnt from a very wonderful, inspiration and successful woman. if you cant accept the compliment with the simple word "Thank you" just say nothing at all.

So what do you say?

Give it a go - Hear every compliment from this moment on, and learn to shine from the inside out. If you shine enough you wont even be able to see the cellulite through all that light!

Id love to hear how this goes for you - and I will let you know how I get on too.

Have fun shining!