Why do mints melt?

My son is a bright spark. When he was 15 months old my hubby came home from work and asked "Why is our son running around the house shouting rotivator!" But this can have its draw backs. Firstly from a young age we couldn't tell a little white lie and get him into bed early because he knew the real time. Secondly he remembers everything. If my mum moves a vase to a different window sill or moves a plant pot he notices it. Which is very handy when you are trying to rebuild a room before your sister returns but not so handy when he remembers a knickknack he made has been disappeared or conversations from 2 years ago and can even tell you where you were sat and what you wearing!

But one thing I had not really bargained for was his questions. I know all children ask all sorts of odd, bizarre and impossible to answer questions at some time or another, but my son at 8 still asks at least one a day, and one of the reasons I am rapidly going off of this is because it makes me feel a bit thick. Yes I did well at school but science, history and geography info has been filed far back in the recesses of my mind to make way for relevant info that as you can imagine doesn't include why is metal cold and what is the distance to Saturn. Thankfully half of the time we are at home so thanks to my best friend Google I can find out the exact temperature of the sun, or how many stars there are. (The answer to those two in case your interested is very hot and a lot!)

But when we are on the way to school I don't have google to hand (curse the lack of a Blackberry - I am not allowed one, my hubby says I am a workaholic as it is. He's argument is that when we first got married he threw my Filofax down the stairs at 2 o'clock in the morning because I had remembered a job and wanted to write it down. Yes I know very unreasonable and thus he dreads the thought of what would be unleashed on society if I was permanently attached to the world. My answers would for ever more be "mmmmm" "yes dear" and"that sounds great") so with no Blackberry and no Google I have to think fast.

However when you are mentally checking that you shut the dining room door because the cake is in there and you don't want the dog to eat it (again), you have picked up Sophie's ballet bag, you have remembered the sat nav AND the address of your client and did I pay for the school trip? there is not a great deal of room for "Why do mints melt?" Right now I am trying to recreate the look that must come on my face when one of these questions comes at me like a party popper in the face. It must be a cross between "Ow I hurt myself" and "my brain has been removed, who am I?"

But this did get me thinking because I wonder if he is a coach in the making. His ability to ask questions that really get you thinking about a subject that has been staring you in the face is amazing. Another example of his coaching skills that made me so proud. We have a new game for the Wii and my daughter is as adept at it as her Mum, and she was shouting "grrrr I am rubbish at this - I can't do it!" To which my son replied " If you believe you can do it - you will. Come on Soph I think you can do it, let's look at what's happening." How cool is that? Motivation and support from your 8 year old brother.

Because that's what coaching is about. Its about asking the right questions and supporting you to find them, create them and achieve them. And in all honesty if everyone in their lives learnt to ask not just the right questions but in the right way, it could be surprising how you start to see different results.

"Asking the right questions takes as much skill as giving the right answers." Robert Half . You said it Robert.

Women + cameras = Fast moving women in opposite direction.

Any one that knows me knows that I have been wetting myself (not literally thankfully) about a photo shoot I had to do. I am often helping my clients appreciate the importance of making their website, and promotional information personal and unique to them, because this is essential. To really stand out and make people think "mmmm I like her I want to work with her."

Again people that know me, know that I am always saying "people do not buy from businesses they buy from PEOPLE" So you are an important equation in your business success. So I knew that the pictures of me that exist on the world wide web were not the best they could be (unlike me) and something had to be done about it. And as I also say "what ever you want to do the least is the thing you need to do first"

But what is it about women and having their photos taken? A really stunning lady I know told me the other day that her hubby complains that he looks like a single dad in their holiday snaps because she is always behind the camera! How bizarre is that?

And in all in honesty when I booked my photo shoot I went back through our albums and realised that percentagely (yes its a made up word - why not?) I am only in about 10% of the photos. Okay I am no Heidi Klum, but people don't generally run down the streets screaming "aaahhh my eyes, my eyes" after meeting me in the street. In a 1950's style alien attack stylee. So why do I hide behind the camera?

I realised that although I am a confident business woman, maybe my confidence in me is not as great as it could be?

In the past I had coaching to help me build my confidence and it worked. I now have the confidence to walk into a room full of strangers, determined to meet people and get to know them. Confident in the knowledge that I am nice to know and a pleasure to talk to. Not my words but I have open ears to hear the compliments that I didn't have when I lacked self belief and confidence. Yes I get nervous when I stand up in front of a hundred people. I am normally thinking "can they see my heart pumping out of my chest?" but I have the confidence and self belief that they have paid to see me and want to hear what I have to say. So smile, share and enjoy it.

But maybe that confidence has slipped a bit or I have not developed my personal confidence as well as I have my professional confidence. With this in mind I was determined to find the self belief in the person that I look like. A photographer told me that its vanity that stops women having their photo taken. but I disagree. If you don't feel confident in the way you look, the last thing you want is permanent reminders of it.

With these thoughts in my head you can imagine how nervous, and how many trips to the loo I made before my photo shoot. Not forgetting how many times I nearly phoned him. "Sorry I have a spot/broken nail/aversion to bright lights/a prior engagement with the dentist, I can't make it"

I even had an offer to go out on my dad's boat for the day, and since that's my idea of heaven. (So far out to sea, you nearly cant see land, no phones/laptops/jobs/kids/hubby (he gets sea sick on damp grass) I could have been easily tempted.

"But no Mandie" I thought, as I have always said "never ask others to do what you are not prepared to do yourself" So I packed my 4 outfits, with matching jewellery, my props, makeup and hair brush. Buffed, scrubbed, manicured, and preened myself. Acknowledged that for some reason my fringe did not want to sit anywhere near my forehead (for the first time in 35 years!) and got in the car. First step accomplished!

I will not describe what my innards were doing, but needless to say I was not feeling in a relaxed smiley mood when I drove to the photographer. So you know what I did? I coached myself through it. Instead of thinking of the ordeal in front of me. I thought about how I wanted my website to look with my picture on it,and nothing else. I thought about how I wanted to feel when I left and drove home. I pictured a smiley, confident woman happy in the knowledge that her website pictures were fab.

And do you know what? I think (mmmmm I actually stopped typing and thought about this) I enjoyed it. Not at first. At first I felt very self conscious and daft. I hate fuss and this was definitely fuss. But as I relaxed (thanks to a friendly, funny and great photographer) and he showed me the shots and realised the smiles on my face were genuine and I looked .........kinda nice.

And the best bit, is I when I got home I looked in the mirror and I saw a different woman. I couldn't see this grotesque disfigured uuuuggggllly woman. I saw someone with great cheekbones, friendly blue eyes and surprisingly not the biggest nose in the world.

So the photo shoot didn't just give me new pictures to adorn my website, social networking pages and promotional literature, it helped build my self belief. "Hey Mand, you are not the ugliest woman on the planet, you are pretty good looking" So the next time I see a camera, like last week at a networking event where I hid behind the person I was talking to" I will just smile. Heidi Klum I am not, I am Mandie Holgate and its pretty cool!

Treehousetastic! Changing our view - Changing our mind.

Its bank holiday Monday the sun is trying to shine, but failing miserably and being someone that starts to freeze below 15 degrees Celsius, I have retreated to the house while the rest of the family seem oblivious to the lack of heat to the day and continue to build a tree house.

My main reason for helping was that it was fun, playing at the end of the garden watching the children paint each other (sorry I mean the tree house) and gleefully laughing as the realisation of their plans become a reality. As dad builds the ladder and I get splattered with paint. (will that come out before my meeting tomorrow morning I wonder? or will I have to go to see my client with blue skin from paint or blue skin from scrubbing it for 3 hours in the bath.) I can't deny its looking very cool.

When we discussed the idea of a tree house to go with the climbing frame, the decking (the kids not mine!) the summer house (again the kids not mine!) and the swing. I became a bit nervous about the scale of the thing. I was thinking quaint little tree house jutting out from the edge of the walnut tree, close enough to the cherry to enable the kids to collect cherries before the birds nick them all. But from pencil sketches to detailed to scale computer generated plans my nerves set in. "that looks a bit bigger than I was planning" I said while secretly thinking "we may need to get lights put at the top of this thing to allow planes to navigate round it!".

I love our garden, it's long with lots of different trees. From Cherry and apple to plum and walnut. There is a secret place to sit where no one can see you, as you sip a gin and tonic under the shade of a twisted willow. Sat on a big bench hidden away, able to enjoy the sun dappling through the trees and the birds are not so bothered by you, because you are hidden away in their domain. (and yes I did read the secret garden!)

This project made me realise that something that I was not good at until recently (and even now I have my moments) is the ability to let my hubby be in charge. When it comes to our home I am rather particular about it and I like to control exactly how it looks. I had wanted a Georgian themed white and green dining room with fret work shelves and cupboards, delicate and refined. My hubby saw some wallpaper in the bargain bin (its there for a reason!) that looked like Mediterranean style walls in a warm yellow. My plan went out of the window and I bent towards a Mediterranean style courtyard overlooking the sea through a field of vines painted by me. Okay so its not to everyone's taste, but actually I love it. Instantly I am transported to my favourite little vineyard in the South of France and I feel warm and in need of some garlic and some good wine. So I backed off (a big deal for control freak me) and let the plans take shape, and yes it was a scary thing to just say "yes guys, your plans look great I can't wait to see the finished project" when internally I was screaming "step away from my walnut tree!"

Hubby is grand in his ideas and plans so I knew it could turn out to bigger than our home and need its own post code! But I stuck to my goal, this was their project. My role was to paint what I was told, marvel at every stage and secretly love standing up high amongst the trees and see the world from a different angle. A secret place that is special and unique.

Its not just about being able to snoop over the fence. (Although our neighbours garden is so huge with an overgrown medley of vines and brambles and trees that I know where the family of foxes live.) Its about seeing the world in a different way. We have lived here for 5 years but I have never seen our house or the garden or the surroundings in this way before. I have a new appreciation for what we have and the way we live. All from just standing 7 foot higher in the air. That view has always been there, we just had never thought to look at it.

Think about that for a moment, what could you look at in a different way to get a different outlook or a different view on?

I know that I am going to look at things as if I was standing up high among the trees. Same location, different view point. and I am going to notice over the next few days. That's all. I don't need to change anything just notice.