Nothing can work wonders!

At a meeting last week I was sharing with someone one of my passions for 2010 that is to continually accept and seek out new challenges.

As a coach when you train, before you start helping others you help yourself. You learn to understand yourself in a way that many of us never take the time to. This enables you to work to your strengths, understand and deal with your weaknesses and always think in a way that is proactive to getting the personal and professional life you want.

The only "problem" is that what ever I am doing in life I take it on head first, No comfort zone creates a problem for me and thus the things in life that could be a challenge do not exist anymore.

Hence I am actively looking for new challenges. Things that I would never have thought of before.

A client I was working with told me of their trekking for charity that took them into the mountains of Nepal. "That sounds perfect!" I thought. Until I suggested it to my Hubby who pointed out that the trekking bit I would be fine with and easily get fit for, but the sleeping in a tent bit would be "interesting" for someone with a curve in their spine and arthritis. So that one is maybe not the most appropriate for me. But it does not need to be that big.

For instance anyone on Facebook will know that I hate structured exercise, because of my bodies intriguing way of growing I have to get regular exercise but for me it is not in a gym. For years I went religiously to the gym 3 times a week - I never felt the buzz, I never loved it, I never had that adrenaline rush that people talked about. The fact is the gym to me is boring full of sweaty bodies, in their own worlds ignoring that anyone else exists in their own pit of torture!

I know that to keep fit and exercise my exercise has to be congruent to me (That congruency thing again!) and for me that is walking on the beach, running with my kids, playing wii fit games with my son and cycling with the family.

So when my sister asked me to go to with her to a Legs, Bums and Tums class - I was beyond mortified.

In 36 year I have never done a exercise class, And I would be happy to spend the next 36 years the same way. As much as I love dancing I have the co-ordination of a lettuce.

If you jiggled some sausages in a Sainsbury's carrier bag it would be more co-ordinated than me!

But hey, You asked for challenges!

So I bought the gear and turned up to a roomful of women that looked like they had done this before. Okay so I did seem to be one step behind and had fits of hysterical laughter when they attempted to teach me the grape vine but I really enjoyed it!And I probably got far more exercise than anyone else there as I did 3 steps to their 1 trying to keep up!

I have discovered a new thing to add to my life. A shared moment with my sister just for us, a new way to exercise and its great.

So when it was suggested that I extend from doing nothing for 15 minutes a day to not working for a whole TWO DAYS. I gulped but said why not?

Google appreciate the importance if giving their staff the space to be creative and to tackle problems in a new way by spending 20% of the time doing non work related things - You can even take your dog to work apparently. and we all know how well Google are doing don't we?

So how could it impact on my working week? On my brain cells? On my productivity and creative thoughts?

The fact is I did it this weekend. I did not even turn the laptop on. So not even a glimmer of facebook or twitter. No blogging, no emails, no "I'll just finish this report" Nothing.

After I stopped sweating from the "But what ifs" I found that I had more time for me and my family.

It was like being on holiday. By Sunday morning I was having all these fantastic ideas. I reckon my subconscious must have been throwing a party up there thanking me for all the space it was getting to do its job.

And the impact on this week?

Well so far, I have accepted 2 new challenges that quite frankly I would have questioned I had time for. I have found the answer to something that has been frustrating me for days. And I feel calmer.

The fact is I am not a doctor saving peoples life's, I am not in the emergency services. I do not need to be contacted 24 hours a day. And although my clients appreciate that, maybe I needed to be reminded of that!

So take up the challenge -

Don't work for 2 days...Feels like a challenge? GOOD!

Life is about constantly seeking out new challenges and being prepared to try some what ifs. If you don't then how can new opportunities head your way?

New Year Resolution is No New idea!

A lot of people I have been meeting recently have been commenting on their weight. It seems as the daffodils start to shoot and you begin to notice that it's not dark at 20 to 5 in the afternoon our mind starts to notice those few additional pounds that magically appeared over the festive time and we are not talking about pounds in the bank!

I too have noticed the extra volumptousness about myself however I do not view it in a negative way. I loved my Christmas, the parties, the food, the company, the wine and maybe the odd Margarita and I know that getting back to work and as the weather improves I will be more inclined to go out and not hide under a duvet with the heating set to tropical.

My kids do not notice my change in appearance, my hubby loves me and rolls his eyes in a Simon Cowell fashion when I wobble in front of him - so I too set my mind to positive and know that I am gorgeous regardless. I know my positive mind set ensures that I concentrate on the successful outcome that I expect and I ignore the negative.

And yet so many people feel negatively about their bodies. This in turn leads them to feel negative. Which then starts to affect the way they feel day to day. What effect can that have on your personal and professional life. Are we saying that if you are over weight that you can not be successful?

Are we saying only thin people are a success?

The fact is plenty of stunning models and the worlds favourite actresses are plagued with unhappiness. Success is not just measured by how much money you have.

And yet for many it is. It's measured by the size of your waist band and the noughts in your bank account.

So listening to these people talk about their figures made me think about the pressure we put on ourselves this time of year to create goals and succeed at things that for some have been elusive for years.

Negativity feeds more negativity, so if you fill your mind with pounds in all the wrong places, your brain feeds of it - As much as your body does!

So give your mind a healthy dose of positivity today.

And be congruent with the person you are. Is it realistic to be thinking about getting fitter and leaner physically at the start of the year? Most people have just had at least 6 days off of work. Most in trays are as full as our waist bands. So concentrate on getting the in trays sorted first. When work feels the way you want THEN start to look at the other areas of your life you would like to improve.

The fact is a big reason we do not achieve our goals (apart from not being what we really want!) is that there is too much else going on in our lives right now. My clients quite often find that they deal with an area of their life that they have been ignoring and magically other areas of their life's improve too.

Rocket science it is not!

It is a case of prioritising. What is the most important thing I need to deal with today? When I shut my eyes and my head hits the pillow tonight what will give me the greatest sense of achievement? What can wait until another day? In ten years time will this be of any concern to me - Will I remember how I felt?

So I will leave you with this fact. 58% of people think they will be successful with their new year resolution however only 12% actually is!

So get in that 12%!

Know what you really want. What is congruent to the person you are (your beliefs and values) and be realistic about when and how you are going to achieve it.
And if a helping hand will get you there - find yours. Be it a trusted friend, partner, or coach. I have a client who twitters about everything she is doing. She said it ensures if she does something she will regret later, everyone in the world knows about it and will think she has the will power of a sausage!

I love it!

Game of Cards - Just like business?

Thanks to the snowy weather and a shut school, me and the children have had an extended Christmas holiday. Yes it is frustrating in one way because this week was packed with great new clients, meetings regarding some great projects I am going to be involved in and the preparations for next weeks Business Woman's Network Event.

So plans had to be changed and rearranged.

Because my kids get quality time with me, I was able to convince them that if I worked for an hour first thing I would then devote the rest of the day to them and snowy antics. And after the first 20 minutes of an interruption every three milli-seconds for everything from Sophie is sitting too near me, to whats the most deadliest thing in a rain forest? I was able to do a certain level of work, even coaching over the phone. (I love that about my job, that I can work anywhere anytime and my client can stay safely and warmly in their homes and still get closer to their goals and ambitions.)

So work done, out we went like intrepid explorers. After sledging on the beach, snow ball fights and snow man building and a general explore around Mersea Island I pulled the children to Nanna's house for a warming whisky and a game of cards. For anyone that hates formal exercise or gyms (like me!) pulling a 8 year old and a 6 year old on a sledge for 2 or 3 hours must be great exercise. I definitely have muscles that I did not know had not been exercised for a few months.

As we played cards and argued over whose Black Jack rules were correct, I looked around the table and really appreciated how lucky I am. To have children who want to know me and their grandparents. Parents too who enjoy my company and who I treat like my best friends.

I feel very lucky because I know how many people I coach who have relationship issues with family members and the impact that that can have on your personal and professional life.

This led me to thinking about how different we are within my own family. Although there are traits that are so connecting about us (not just the big nose I hasten to add!) We are so different in some ways. For instance me and my Dad have a bond that is very special and unique. From a very young age I can remember special moments with my Dad. From walking along Westward Ho beach and getting caught out by tide so we climbed the cliff face, to being out at sea in a small boat and seeing our first shark. (We did not wait around to discover that it was a harmless Basking shark!) to helping Dad rub down a wooden boat and joining Dad out on a recovery in the big red lorry with the flashing lights.


I can talk to Dad about anything and we get to do this on long walks along the beach or on days out at sea. If there is a job to be done on board. I know I am his first mate, because we share such a passion for the sea as my Grandad did and even my great grandad before, both of whom were in the merchant navy. However for all our similarities (such as my business acumen, passion for family and gift of the gab - apparently I could sell snow to an Eskimo!) as I played cards yesterday I appreciated how different we can be too.

Dad has to win at everything. Everything is a battle to be won, a challenge, an opportunity to prove himself the best. I am not very competitive at all with other people. I do demand the best from myself and I am hyper critical of everything I do, demanding to know what I can do to improve all the time, however I do not have this fire for 1st place.

Looking around the table I realised that my children do have this desire to win. And as I thought about this more. I appreciated that we were all playing the same game in so many different ways. I was playing to be with my family, to have fun, to laugh.
My Son & Dad were playing to annihilate their opponents and my daughter best of all when she laid an ace she could choose any suit to enable her to win the game. She chose hearts even though she had none! When asked why she had done that she said "because I like hearts" Obviously!

Business is very much like a game of cards. We all want the ultimate outcome to be successful. However what we class that as will vary from person to person. For some it may be an amount of money in the bank that defines success. For others it may be the knowledge that every house hold benefits from their product, it could be a Porsche parked on the drive or a swimming pool in the garden. Whatever it is, our definition of what a successful business looks like will vary, just as our attitude to a game of cards.

So if you can grasp this fact, then you can learn to appreciate that the path that you choose to take to success will differ too. It HAS to be congruent to you. It has to feel right. That gut instinct that gets you sometimes. Trust it, just because another person did it this way, it does not mean it will be right for you.

As with any area of life treat it like a game of cards. Know what the ultimate outcome is that you wish to see, and with every small step work towards it. When the cards don't look the way you want them to make up your own rules!

This life is for living. Enjoy it. Play the games you want to and get the results you want.

It can also help to look at the way you would choose to play a game of cards. Because this shows you what is important to you. As with me. The way I play cards is for fun, to connect with people, to enjoy my time, I do not need to win the game, just do my best. The same is true with my business. I have so much fun with my business, if fulfills me in so many ways. I get to connect with people and I enjoy it.

Some one once said to me Business is not supposed to be fun. She may have had a different idea of what fun looks like, because for me fun happens every day. Fun is something that makes me feel good and full of life. Fun makes me feel happy to be a live. Fun puts a smile on my face and warmth in my heart - My business is definitely fun!

What ever your life looks like, what ever you do to fill your days - I hope you too appreciate fun and playing the game of cards the way you want to.

Whose teaching who?

Not only do my children make me laugh. I realise that I can learn alot from them. Ironically it is things that I knew but as I have grown up and added careers, finances and goals to my life they are things that have been pushed back a bit.

So what is it they reteach me?

Well this morning as I lay in bed waking slowly on a lazy Sunday. They were laying next me. When the conversation went like this...
"Mum your breath smells!" said Sophie (Say what you mean Soph - don't hold back!)
"So does yours first thing in the morning, that's why we brush our teeth in the morning and the evening."
"Harry does my breath smell?" asked Sophie.

They then laughed their way through the next 10 minutes (I am pretty sure it would have been a lot longer but Mummy suggested it wasn't the best game they had ever invented, so could they stop that now) of sitting nose to nose with their mouths wide open smelling each others breath. After every breath they burst into laughter. Okay so I taught them how bacteria is active in your mouth all night to make nasty smells and damage your teeth and my children taught me...

As I think about it they taught me alot.
There is a serious side to our conversation this morning but only children could turn it into a belly lurching, cheek hurting laughter fest. They can see the fun in everything and anything. They do not suffer from the levels of stress we do. They may have an all mighty row at school with their best friend but within the hour its all forgotten and they are running around playing Hannah Montanna or Star wars. How cool would it be if Barack Obama could moan to his mum that the enemies of the world won't share and play nicely then be running around a field laughing and smelling each others breath after half an hour? How great that the row you had with your other half over breakfast is long forgotten by the time you pull on the drive that day. And you run into each others arms for a hug.

Laughter is another thing that children are far better at than us adults. Often chuckling for very little reason. And as the saying goes Laughter is the best medicine. Research shows that children laugh up to 400 times a day and us adults only manage an average 17 times a day!
So before you dismiss this, within a minute of searching my beloved google I learnt laughter is great in so many ways.

It boosts your immune system. Makes you feel less stressed, can relieve pain and can even protect your heart and lower your blood pressure. My husband says its because it releases "those dolphins" but apparently there are no dolphins involved its just endorphins - Who knew?

So its also useful this time of year with the long dreary damp nights drawing in on us to relieve S.A.D.

One website told me that laughing 100 times is the equivalent to 10 minutes on the rowing machine or 15 minutes on an exercise bike! 9http://www.laughteryoga.org/) Now that sure beats a run in the rain!

So learn from children.

Don't take life so seriously.
Live in the moment once in a while - yes set those goals, have aspirations but take the time to just think "I'm here, this is me, this is my life"

And smile, belly laugh, chuckle, grin. and if that feels too much guess what happens when you put a fake smile on your face? Those dolphins are still getting released and the more you fake smile, before long your brain does not know the difference and the genuine article is spread across your face and the benefits felt throughout your body.

So whatever you are doing today - laugh, enjoy the moment and have fun!

(Just to make you laugh the photo is Me and mysidekick laser eyed Stupadog. I was the only one dressed like this all day at our local hospital for charity!)

What kind of bird are you?

Yesterday was a glorious day, and since I am dragging my birthday out I decided to spoil myself just that bit extra.

I positioned one of the garden sofas so that I could get all of the cushions on there and place it in the direction for optimal sun and minimum shadows, ordered a G & T with Ice and a slice from the gorgeous waiter that resides in my home (Okay the hubby) and got my book out. It may sound an incredibly boring book but Psycho-Cybernetics is actually a great book (basically about repositioning your mindset to get what you want out of life and you) and I was deep in thought as I read and then I read these words that I often find myself appreciating. "Stop, Look and Listen"

Maxwell Maltz talks about taking the time out to stop and appreciate everything around you. Anyone that reads my blog regularly will know that I create that space for myself and I really appreciate the importance of doing this. However in the high octane energy, excitement and fun of my birthday sitting still and quiet had not been high on my agenda. So...

I put down my book had a sip of my drink and looked up at the beautiful blue sky. Just like I did as a child I still find clouds fascinatingly beautiful. And as I gazed at these and felt the warmth of the sun on my body I could hear the fishing boats out at sea, the bee buzzing in my sun flowers and I felt reconnected with the wonderful world around me.

When I look at the sky I find it amazing to think that there is not another living thing between me and the next inhabited planet (wherever that may be) and I feel like a distant star. Some where out there in the cosmos someone else could be doing the exact same thing and looking in my direction wondering similar thoughts to me. It makes you feel very small, but very special to be a part of such a wondrous thing.

As I watched the clouds move, and whisper, I noticed the birds.

Some birds flap their wings very fast but fly no faster than the bird that flaps its wings once in a while. Okay so you could argue that their wings are shorter and they have no choice, but evolution has taught us that all living things can adjust to its environment. So why do some birds flap like a jumping jack on red bull and others leisurely fly twice as fast with half the effort?

This got me thinking about us two legged, non feathered ones. (Yes humans.) Some of us flap around like the proverbial headless chicken, getting very little done and stressed to the hilt and others seem to glide through life looking like good luck falls in their lap all the time.

Unlike birds that can not overnight change their wing span, us humans can change the way we perform.

So are you a pigeon batting your wings like their on fire or are you a albatross or an eagle gracefully and effortlessly soaring above the world?

I realise that it can depend on what we are thinking more than what we are doing. If you think that life is hard work and nothing comes to me easily then you better keep flapping like a humming bird. On the other hand if you know you have done your best, planned, smiled and accepted life has a way of working out, then enjoy the view and gracefully glide through your life.

And if you feel like a humming bird what could you do?

First of all like a David Attenborough slow mo bit, slow things down. Take the time in the words of Maxwell Maltz to stop, look and listen. Don't be like the swallow and sleep while still moving, give yourself some space and some quiet time.

Like a condor fly high above the world and observe from a distance what is happening in your life. By the time you fly back down to earth you will have come up with some new ways of dealing with the same problems, because you look at them from such a different angle.

Lastly enjoy the view, Your life is unique to you. So that includes everything not just the bad stuff, all your unique qualities combined together with your life experiences created you, so fly high and love the view.

So what a thought for the day!

I am sure I will get lots of posts about what kind of a bird you are. Personally I must be a sea bird, Something like an Albatross. Soaring high above the ocean living off of sea food - if I could just work out how to get my G & T up there that would suit me fine!

Vitals for Business (& children) - Nuture, Protect and Love AND when to stand back.

"That's my baby boy!" I thought as I watched him walk up the road on his own with four planks of wood under his arm. He's eight and half, and since my parents live 5 minutes from our home he wanted to be independent and walk round to Grandad & Nana's on his own.

It's Saturday morning the sun is shining and apparently Harry and Grandad have been in deep talks over the architectural designs of his new soap box (apparently it will include a bunk bed for his and his sister's Build-a-Bears) and so "an early start is needed Mum to get it started". I love a walk on a Saturday morning down the avenue of trees to the beach with the sun sparkling on the sea, so I would happily stroll with my son and have a nice chat.

But my 'memory like a super computer' son remembered that with more responsibility comes more opportunity. Hence you help put the recycling out and you get to stay up late and watch Star Trek. You help Mum put the shopping away and you get to use a big 'slice the eyelash in half' knife and help prepare dinner, and his new idea is "Can I walk to Nana's on my own?"

Gulp!

He may be 8 and half but to me he will always be my baby boy. Someone that I loved making for 9 months and who, despite being a night mare at potty training, and had colic for the first 3 months of his life and so did not sleep allllllll night creating a zombie mum, is someone that always makes me happy to be alive and brings me a smile and a hug. He is so precious to me. Watching him grow up and create his own ideas of what is important and what is fun is a pleasure, and letting him walk out into the big wide world on his own is a very scary prospect for me.

But some where down the line I will have to relinquish control. I can't (won't want) a 25 year old man of a son holding my hand in Sainsbury's asking me if he can go and look at the toys. (When he is 25 me and hubby plan to be travelling the world with a credit card, a passport and a passion for 5 star hotels on distant exotic shores with the odd elephant ride and a trip to see the Indian tribes of Central America) so I have to create little opportunities for him (and me) to experiment with freedom.

But still as I watched him to the end of the road with the phone to my ear, advising grandad in spy walkie-talkie mode "Sparrow Sparrow this is N.P.M here, the target is on the move, I repeat the target is on the move, do you have visual? over" Knowing full well that he is perfectly safe, Dad is already stood in the middle of the avenue in his dressing gown watching out for him, that I can feel my heart racing in my throat (why does your heart always jump into your throat? Is it on a piece of elastic for emergencies?)

Knowing when to let go and stand back and trust everything will be okay is not easy. And this got me thinking that in all areas of life this can be said.

With my business for instance, sometimes I know that I have done everything that needs to be done and could possibly be done to succeed and yet I worry like a clucky mother hen over it.

Worry creates a negative energy, and this in turn can affect the outcome of what I am working on. When you genuinely stop and trust that everything is in order. You need to concentrate on feeling content and happy that you have done everything that you need to and everything will be fantastic. In this way you are allowing your subconscious to pick up on your positivity and feed on it and enhance the outcome.

Think about the reverse of this. If you feel negative and worry, you are feeding yourself negative emotions - fear, worry, doubt, sadness, frustration, desperation and you know what will happen? You brain will help you find plenty more of it.

So CONCENTRATE on the outcome you want. Actively DO all that you can to get the results that you want, but importantly KNOW when to stop and step back and trust that everything will be fabulous.

My business quite often feels like a vulnerable little child. That I want to protect and nurture. That needs 24 hour care like a new born baby. But I realise now that I treat it more and more like a 8 year old child. Most of the time it needs my monitoring, my love and care. It needs me to be the best that I can for it. But sometimes that includes standing back and letting it do its thing because after all just like my son it is an amazing thing that I made.

Oh no here comes the guilt!

I have just had a phone call. It was my Dad. "Can I come and take the kids and the dog for a couple of hours, I wanna play?" Can he! That would be wonderful.

I love my children to bits however my sister has finally produced to perfect, beautiful little babies after a very scary and frightening night last Friday spent pacing the hospital corridors reading the same poster for four hundred thousand times, and I am feeling a little bit emotionally knackered. I would have gone crabbing and cycling but Dad's call has given me some ideas.

I would/do/and will always do anything for my family, and my sister is my best friend. I have been there for every moment of her pregnancy from the fear of an ectopic, to the Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, that was one of the most awful things a pregnant woman could have to endure emotionally and physically to losing a heart beat last week. And now for the first time for 8 and half months I feel like I am coming off duty and can breathe. Ultimately the body goes "Eugh, emergency stop required....reserve power.....sleep.....rest....relax.....now"
And what do we women always do when that happens?

Well nine times out of ten we say "I will just get this done and I will relax tomorrow, I will have all day then." But your body does not phone up and book an appointment. It does not say "Hi Body here, look feeling abit shattered any chance of a nice bath, a good book and an early night next Thursday at about 8.30?" It wants it now! It needs it now!

So this phone call is just what the body ordered. ( I am glad that I had had that in the back of my mind for the last 24 hours - thanks law of attraction for doing your thing again.)

But here I lie as I wait for the bath to fill with my special (hidden away from little girly fingers) expensive, luxurious bath oils, book nearly finished, I have a unwanted feeling starting to emerge. And I wanted to deal with it now. And as I am discovering when I add it to my blog it means you too can learn from my experiences and knowledge (and I get to write - which I love!)

The fact is there is a guilty feeling starting to worm its way into my stomach, and no its not hunger. My husband is working I think. There are emails to reply to. I could be playing with my children. I could arrange to meet a client. All these thoughts are entering my head. Why?

The fact is I can chose what I put in my head just as easily as I can chose what I do to today. So here are the facts to replace the guilt with.

I know I always do my best for my clients.
People do not expect emails to be answered within four milli seconds of being sent.
I have just spent 41 days (without a day apart from them) playing, crabbing, picnicing, painting, tenting, meeting friends, going on adventures, going to the seaside, parks, farm,race circuits, adventure parks, cycling, reading, and much more.

I give my all to my children - "Take a chill pill love" is what I think. Because the fact is what kind of a person am I if I do not include myself in the list of people that I protect,care for, love, respect and help?

Surely sometimes you have to say that the one person that needs some quality time from me is ME.

So guilt is being dispelled like an evil witch melting into a green cloud of smoke and disappearing forever, and sense has returned.

So I can smell my bath is ready, kettle is boiled and that book won't read its self.

Remember that if you can not/will not do this for yourself once in a while. What kind of a role model are you to the people around you? To your children? Do you want them to grow up never putting themselves first? Never knowing when they need to listen to their body and take a well deserved relax and restore?

So.... I am off to be a fab role model to my children and hopefully to you too.

Enjoy your day - I know I am.