What kind of bird are you?

Yesterday was a glorious day, and since I am dragging my birthday out I decided to spoil myself just that bit extra.

I positioned one of the garden sofas so that I could get all of the cushions on there and place it in the direction for optimal sun and minimum shadows, ordered a G & T with Ice and a slice from the gorgeous waiter that resides in my home (Okay the hubby) and got my book out. It may sound an incredibly boring book but Psycho-Cybernetics is actually a great book (basically about repositioning your mindset to get what you want out of life and you) and I was deep in thought as I read and then I read these words that I often find myself appreciating. "Stop, Look and Listen"

Maxwell Maltz talks about taking the time out to stop and appreciate everything around you. Anyone that reads my blog regularly will know that I create that space for myself and I really appreciate the importance of doing this. However in the high octane energy, excitement and fun of my birthday sitting still and quiet had not been high on my agenda. So...

I put down my book had a sip of my drink and looked up at the beautiful blue sky. Just like I did as a child I still find clouds fascinatingly beautiful. And as I gazed at these and felt the warmth of the sun on my body I could hear the fishing boats out at sea, the bee buzzing in my sun flowers and I felt reconnected with the wonderful world around me.

When I look at the sky I find it amazing to think that there is not another living thing between me and the next inhabited planet (wherever that may be) and I feel like a distant star. Some where out there in the cosmos someone else could be doing the exact same thing and looking in my direction wondering similar thoughts to me. It makes you feel very small, but very special to be a part of such a wondrous thing.

As I watched the clouds move, and whisper, I noticed the birds.

Some birds flap their wings very fast but fly no faster than the bird that flaps its wings once in a while. Okay so you could argue that their wings are shorter and they have no choice, but evolution has taught us that all living things can adjust to its environment. So why do some birds flap like a jumping jack on red bull and others leisurely fly twice as fast with half the effort?

This got me thinking about us two legged, non feathered ones. (Yes humans.) Some of us flap around like the proverbial headless chicken, getting very little done and stressed to the hilt and others seem to glide through life looking like good luck falls in their lap all the time.

Unlike birds that can not overnight change their wing span, us humans can change the way we perform.

So are you a pigeon batting your wings like their on fire or are you a albatross or an eagle gracefully and effortlessly soaring above the world?

I realise that it can depend on what we are thinking more than what we are doing. If you think that life is hard work and nothing comes to me easily then you better keep flapping like a humming bird. On the other hand if you know you have done your best, planned, smiled and accepted life has a way of working out, then enjoy the view and gracefully glide through your life.

And if you feel like a humming bird what could you do?

First of all like a David Attenborough slow mo bit, slow things down. Take the time in the words of Maxwell Maltz to stop, look and listen. Don't be like the swallow and sleep while still moving, give yourself some space and some quiet time.

Like a condor fly high above the world and observe from a distance what is happening in your life. By the time you fly back down to earth you will have come up with some new ways of dealing with the same problems, because you look at them from such a different angle.

Lastly enjoy the view, Your life is unique to you. So that includes everything not just the bad stuff, all your unique qualities combined together with your life experiences created you, so fly high and love the view.

So what a thought for the day!

I am sure I will get lots of posts about what kind of a bird you are. Personally I must be a sea bird, Something like an Albatross. Soaring high above the ocean living off of sea food - if I could just work out how to get my G & T up there that would suit me fine!

Vitals for Business (& children) - Nuture, Protect and Love AND when to stand back.

"That's my baby boy!" I thought as I watched him walk up the road on his own with four planks of wood under his arm. He's eight and half, and since my parents live 5 minutes from our home he wanted to be independent and walk round to Grandad & Nana's on his own.

It's Saturday morning the sun is shining and apparently Harry and Grandad have been in deep talks over the architectural designs of his new soap box (apparently it will include a bunk bed for his and his sister's Build-a-Bears) and so "an early start is needed Mum to get it started". I love a walk on a Saturday morning down the avenue of trees to the beach with the sun sparkling on the sea, so I would happily stroll with my son and have a nice chat.

But my 'memory like a super computer' son remembered that with more responsibility comes more opportunity. Hence you help put the recycling out and you get to stay up late and watch Star Trek. You help Mum put the shopping away and you get to use a big 'slice the eyelash in half' knife and help prepare dinner, and his new idea is "Can I walk to Nana's on my own?"

Gulp!

He may be 8 and half but to me he will always be my baby boy. Someone that I loved making for 9 months and who, despite being a night mare at potty training, and had colic for the first 3 months of his life and so did not sleep allllllll night creating a zombie mum, is someone that always makes me happy to be alive and brings me a smile and a hug. He is so precious to me. Watching him grow up and create his own ideas of what is important and what is fun is a pleasure, and letting him walk out into the big wide world on his own is a very scary prospect for me.

But some where down the line I will have to relinquish control. I can't (won't want) a 25 year old man of a son holding my hand in Sainsbury's asking me if he can go and look at the toys. (When he is 25 me and hubby plan to be travelling the world with a credit card, a passport and a passion for 5 star hotels on distant exotic shores with the odd elephant ride and a trip to see the Indian tribes of Central America) so I have to create little opportunities for him (and me) to experiment with freedom.

But still as I watched him to the end of the road with the phone to my ear, advising grandad in spy walkie-talkie mode "Sparrow Sparrow this is N.P.M here, the target is on the move, I repeat the target is on the move, do you have visual? over" Knowing full well that he is perfectly safe, Dad is already stood in the middle of the avenue in his dressing gown watching out for him, that I can feel my heart racing in my throat (why does your heart always jump into your throat? Is it on a piece of elastic for emergencies?)

Knowing when to let go and stand back and trust everything will be okay is not easy. And this got me thinking that in all areas of life this can be said.

With my business for instance, sometimes I know that I have done everything that needs to be done and could possibly be done to succeed and yet I worry like a clucky mother hen over it.

Worry creates a negative energy, and this in turn can affect the outcome of what I am working on. When you genuinely stop and trust that everything is in order. You need to concentrate on feeling content and happy that you have done everything that you need to and everything will be fantastic. In this way you are allowing your subconscious to pick up on your positivity and feed on it and enhance the outcome.

Think about the reverse of this. If you feel negative and worry, you are feeding yourself negative emotions - fear, worry, doubt, sadness, frustration, desperation and you know what will happen? You brain will help you find plenty more of it.

So CONCENTRATE on the outcome you want. Actively DO all that you can to get the results that you want, but importantly KNOW when to stop and step back and trust that everything will be fabulous.

My business quite often feels like a vulnerable little child. That I want to protect and nurture. That needs 24 hour care like a new born baby. But I realise now that I treat it more and more like a 8 year old child. Most of the time it needs my monitoring, my love and care. It needs me to be the best that I can for it. But sometimes that includes standing back and letting it do its thing because after all just like my son it is an amazing thing that I made.

Oh no here comes the guilt!

I have just had a phone call. It was my Dad. "Can I come and take the kids and the dog for a couple of hours, I wanna play?" Can he! That would be wonderful.

I love my children to bits however my sister has finally produced to perfect, beautiful little babies after a very scary and frightening night last Friday spent pacing the hospital corridors reading the same poster for four hundred thousand times, and I am feeling a little bit emotionally knackered. I would have gone crabbing and cycling but Dad's call has given me some ideas.

I would/do/and will always do anything for my family, and my sister is my best friend. I have been there for every moment of her pregnancy from the fear of an ectopic, to the Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, that was one of the most awful things a pregnant woman could have to endure emotionally and physically to losing a heart beat last week. And now for the first time for 8 and half months I feel like I am coming off duty and can breathe. Ultimately the body goes "Eugh, emergency stop required....reserve power.....sleep.....rest....relax.....now"
And what do we women always do when that happens?

Well nine times out of ten we say "I will just get this done and I will relax tomorrow, I will have all day then." But your body does not phone up and book an appointment. It does not say "Hi Body here, look feeling abit shattered any chance of a nice bath, a good book and an early night next Thursday at about 8.30?" It wants it now! It needs it now!

So this phone call is just what the body ordered. ( I am glad that I had had that in the back of my mind for the last 24 hours - thanks law of attraction for doing your thing again.)

But here I lie as I wait for the bath to fill with my special (hidden away from little girly fingers) expensive, luxurious bath oils, book nearly finished, I have a unwanted feeling starting to emerge. And I wanted to deal with it now. And as I am discovering when I add it to my blog it means you too can learn from my experiences and knowledge (and I get to write - which I love!)

The fact is there is a guilty feeling starting to worm its way into my stomach, and no its not hunger. My husband is working I think. There are emails to reply to. I could be playing with my children. I could arrange to meet a client. All these thoughts are entering my head. Why?

The fact is I can chose what I put in my head just as easily as I can chose what I do to today. So here are the facts to replace the guilt with.

I know I always do my best for my clients.
People do not expect emails to be answered within four milli seconds of being sent.
I have just spent 41 days (without a day apart from them) playing, crabbing, picnicing, painting, tenting, meeting friends, going on adventures, going to the seaside, parks, farm,race circuits, adventure parks, cycling, reading, and much more.

I give my all to my children - "Take a chill pill love" is what I think. Because the fact is what kind of a person am I if I do not include myself in the list of people that I protect,care for, love, respect and help?

Surely sometimes you have to say that the one person that needs some quality time from me is ME.

So guilt is being dispelled like an evil witch melting into a green cloud of smoke and disappearing forever, and sense has returned.

So I can smell my bath is ready, kettle is boiled and that book won't read its self.

Remember that if you can not/will not do this for yourself once in a while. What kind of a role model are you to the people around you? To your children? Do you want them to grow up never putting themselves first? Never knowing when they need to listen to their body and take a well deserved relax and restore?

So.... I am off to be a fab role model to my children and hopefully to you too.

Enjoy your day - I know I am.

Magical days creating wonderful memories

Today was one of those days that you expect to see in the middle of a Disney film, just before there is lots of rain and everyone cries, slam lots of doors and it all goes horribly wrong and you think there is no way that there can possibly be a happy ending.

The bit in the film where they play the happy music over people laughing and chasing each other around a half decorated room with paint brushes. Or like the scene where the sun is just setting and the air has a magical warm glow to it as the seeds are blowing in the breeze and the female star falls and the male stars offers her his hand and they smile at each other just a bit too long so that you know that a soppy kissy bit is coming up.

Well the difference to a Disney film is that there is no horribly wrong bit it just happened to be a day I know that I will cherish for as long as I live.

It is quite challenging (and that's putting it mildly) looking after 2 children, a dog, a home and your many business ventures without a hubby around without even begining to contemplate the constant worry of when my nephews are going to enter the world (The twins as if I/you could forget are due anyday). I am just very thankful that he is only on the other side of the world on a business trip and that I do not permanently have to do this. I really admire single parents beyond words. I love to be around people and so I hate being away from him. I like my own company however the front room feels too big to be in without him or the children so I "retire to my room" when they are snuggled in the beds. For the first few days its nice to spend too long writing and sat with a bright green face mask and paint my nails while listening to classical music, however after a week I quite miss pointing out that I have no interest in watching monster constructions and dare I say it his inability to finish a job.

So sometimes it can be hard to keep motivated especially in the holidays to find the space to be me and to still have the energy and the happiness levels to want to play with the children.

Well today was perfect in so many ways.

The kids played first thing allowing me to write (it really is becoming a passion, well beyond a hobby) and then after the essential Sunday stable of a leisurely breakfast. We packed our rucksacks with essential supplies and set off, (and no we did not have lashing of ginger beer, but it did feel a bit like that.)

First we met up with my Dad and cycled with him to the beach and then we said goodbye and cycled half way around Mersea Island until we surrounded by only oyster catchers, seagulls and swans. The only sound when we stopped for our emergency rations to keep us going was the sound of the tide coming in and the long grasses swishing in the breeze. (See Disney like images as I said) It was lots of fun.

The path got too narrow to cycle because of the long grass in our spokes so we walked to the end of the sea wall. As we neared the end of the sea wall suddenly I saw my sons blue cycle hat disappear down the side of sea wall. Unfortunately for my son he was still in it. I dashed to rescue him, only to find him laughing amongst the samphire and pulling the lumps of grass out of his bike.

When we got home we changed faster than catwalk model into our cossies and spent the late afternoon playing in the pool. When the kids had had enough they disappeared to the end of the garden and I had to lie on the lilo on my own reading a good book in the glorious sunshine looking up at my apple tree and seeing the beautiful blue sky like a collage poking through.

It was then just as when we were sat on the sea wall that I stopped what I was doing and just looked around me and I smiled. How lucky I am I thought. To not only be having a great day but to also take the time out to really stop and appreciate how brilliant it is and how lucky I am.

So, as I say it was an afternoon of magical memories that I can treasure forever. I love it when you really appreciate what you already have. Under normal circumstances this is something that I do everyday of the week. How ever awful my day is. I look for something in the day that I feel lucky about or that I treasure and feel blessed with. (Otherwise what was the point of that day!)It just so happens that today was a magical one in which I have taken a snap shot of time and stored it in mind for all time - priceless.

Everything happens for a reason

At 5.30 this morning my son walked in my bedroom. Now before I continue you here I must remind you that I like to be snuggled in my bed by 9ish (with a good book) and last night I let the kids stay up late and we watched a film together, which meant that by the time I had rearranged Sophie's teddies 37 times and organised her blankets in colour code order (She is like Trevor and Simon she doesn't do duvets!) I did not get to bed until nearly 11pm. Not a problem I thought, the kids had a late night, we can all lay in until 7ish and I will be fine. (See I am definitely a morning person.)

So back to my story....

In comes my son at 5.30 complaining of stomach ache and we discovered its actually because there is a spider on the ceiling in his bedroom. Okay if you want to get technical I would have to get a microscope to see the thing but to him it was a monster with layers of drool dropping from its teeth. I did suggest he eat the spider to get rid of his stomach ache but my son is not very gullible and insisted we deal with the minor crises in the Holgate home that could end up on BBC news at 6 if we didn't.

In the pursuing 20 minutes, of fetching a chair from my room and the stupid piddly thing knowing its indoor days were numbered so scuttling in between the planets of the solar system on my sons bedroom ceiling. My daughter (funnily enough) woke too.

Spider dealt with and it is still only 5.50am. The suggestion of going back to bed was laughed at, so up we get at silly o'clock, don't you kids know its the school holidays? Okay I think that in 5 years time I would be happy to have these characteristics in my children as they will probably turn into vampires that can't get out of their pits before midday without the threat of a icicle bed bath (works a treat on you hubby when you want help changing the bed that he refuses to vacate) but it makes for a long day which I know will entail two droopy children at about 4o'clock today. How can this be good I thought?

Well as I sit here updating my blog at 9.30 in the morning I know the answer to that.

Thanks to our bugle at dawn. I have cleared the ironing, emptied the dishwasher, wrote my articles for Septembers edition of Newsround and Healthy Life Essex, Replied to all of yesterday's emails and paired the sock box (okay so there is still the sock monster living in our house and eating the occasional sock so the sock box is not completely empty. Makes me wonder, why we don't bin the odd socks in there. Is it because we secretly hope the Sock monster will regurgitate them some day?)

And all by 9.30 in the morning. Which means I know have time to drop off a present at my friends, return the rented D.V.D's, get some shopping done, pop to the bank and still go crabbing by 11am in what has now turned out to be a sunny day.

Wow! Reading all that I achieved today makes me feel tired. (I have time for a cuppa as well before we go out - how cool is that!) but the fact is half of that would have to have been done tonight when the kids were in bed, and now I have a whole day to play, relax, meet friends, (ooo I think I will have a cuppa with my Mum at some stage too) and enjoy myself.

So I really am appreciating that out of every bad situation something good WILL happen.

Everything happens for a reason. Understand that and when things go horrendously wrong, learn from it and sit back and wait for the reasons to come to you. They are there, its just that sometimes they take their time to be realised by us.

Why is this happening?

We all have days where we want to shout at the sky "Why is this happening?"

Well I always add something to that, because I may not understand the reason why something is happening but I know I am supposed to be learning from it and that everything happens for a reason. However awful and crap it feels at the time, so I always add "What am I supposed to be learning from this?" You can still yell it in a Grrr kind of way.

I am having one of those moments right now.

I had this vision that we could connect local business men and women in a social evening to show case and support local businesses and to support local charities by giving them a couple of big sacks of cash. But with the added bonus that the charities would get to raise their profile and the people attending could get some fabulous "Wow" factor prizes from the event for their efforts. Great eh?

As you can imagine the work to put this together has been immense, however when I think about the tireless work of social enterprises and charities and their dogged determination to help and make things better for others it has always spurred me on.

I am passionate about my business, my family, and me and I wanted to extend my determination and passion to 2 local charities that I feel very passionate about.

Little Havens Children's Hospice is a charity that creates a valuable and essential life line to the families as well as the children, and with two children of my own I hope and pray that I never need their services, but passionately care about every child on this planet so that is why I wanted to support them.

Colchester Mind supports local people experiencing mental health stress from mild anxiety to full on depression. And I know about this first hand. I never ever use the word depressed to describe my state of mind having suffered from severe clinical depression 5 years ago. Colchester mind was the key to me getting better and being better than the person I was before so I passionately wanted to give them a huge sack of cash and help support their great work.

However this is where my "What am I supposed to be learning from this" question comes in.
Because we have had over a £1000 worth of fabulous items come our way for the auction from Ex Prince Andrews chef cooking a valentine's meal in your own home with uniformed staff, to hot stone therapies and flying a plane. People have been knocking on the email door requesting stands for donations of £50 and yet we have not sold all the tickets at half that price. And I do not understand the reason why. (Obviously if we do not sell most of the tickets then the event could not proceed and we would have to refund everyone who has already supported this event with ticket & stand purchases.)The work involved in that does not worry me (although it will grate a bit) more the "Why"

There are lots of obvious things I can learn from this, but what is puzzling me is "What has stopped my from helping these charities?" I am not so worried about the logistics of the event rather the "How can I still go on to support, promote and give you sacks of cash?"

I do not know the answer to this yet. I do not know whether the charity night will go ahead. I do know that if it does it will be great (we have a fabulous toast master running the proceedings) however if it does not then I am sure we can talk to all our donaters (thats not people that eat donuts that's people who donate) and ask them if we may use their prizes in other ways. So we have the prizes, we have some great people who want to support this event, now its time to think.

What's going to happen? I do not know.
How am I going to make these big sacks of cash? I am not sure.
What will I do? I am thinking.
"What am I supposed to learn from this?" Well the most important thing I have learnt so far is that I am a very determined positive person who will find a way. I do not know the answer yet but perhaps I have not asked the right question.

Off to find my answers....

Beyond skin deep - What really matters.

Something very important has changed for me, and it all happened out of the most unusual of things.

I can not tell you the exact reason why, but circumstances occurred so that I ran out of Evening Primrose Oil just at the wrong time of the month so that my face erupted with spots the size of pyramids big enough to house whole civilisations of microorganisms (better check you spelt that one right Mandie) just at the same time that either I lost the ability to explain myself properly to my hairdresser or she too was having a time of the month kind of a day, because I seem to have a hair cut cross between Elvis and Cherie Blair. Now on Reese Wetherspoon that would not be a problem, but the above combo does not do wonders for the way I look.

But what is very unusual is my attitude to this. Usually I would feel like hiding away, and there is no better excuse since the school holidays have just begun. With a mud mask permanently attached to my face and a hat welded to my head. But I have no desire to do this.

Usually I would feel less like attending networking meetings or if I did not feel my normal level of bubbly confidence and only listen and answer others questions, but I don't feel like that as I get ready to go out right now. I normally would be drawn to hiding behind my book as I talk to a client but I have been completely forgetting the spots on my face that if they were diamonds my hubby would be in my best books if he came home with.

And I know what has changed and I am beginning to understand the reason why too.

Firstly the person inside me I have finally begun to really like. I accept that I am not perfect and I like me. I actually like me. I know I have weaknesses, I know I have strengths and I finally hear people's compliments. No matter what happens to the outside of my body, inside me is the same me.

Secondly because I have been forth right in raising my profile and promoting my business I have had so many great opportunities come my way. Of which none of them I have said no to. This can lead you to do things that are bit like"Why am I doing this?" but it always works out that something leads from these things at the very least. And from these new experiences I have lots of lovely people say great things about me. The funny thing is that people have been saying nice things about me for over 35 years and yet until now I have not listened.

No diamond size spots or dodgy hair cuts are going to affect the brilliant light of a person that I am. I am going to spend more time appreciating the person that I am on the inside and worry even less about spots and hair cuts (wobbly bits are not even getting a look in.) And I know that this is working because as I look in the mirror my eye is not drawn to my blemishes and my imperfections but to my gorgeous shoes and my heart shaped necklace. The necklace is a visual reminder to me of what is important is what is on the inside, and sorry shoes that does not mean you either!