If only we could see it.

The other day I was chatting with friends and one of my friends commented on how trendy I was looking today, admittedly I was feeling great, wearing a new short skirt and a cute designer jacket and leather boots, but her comment about me having great legs was completely ignored by me. My reply was "I think you have great legs and I would love to have hair as gorgeous as yours."

Why had I not heard her compliment? which led me to wonder "Did she hear mine about her?" I bet she didn't, and if she did she didn't believe it. I was even able to give her an example of the cute dress and leggings she had had on the previous week, but I bet she dismissed my compliment as quickly as I dismissed hers. Why is this?

Okay so there are people who say things that they think people want to hear for various reasons, to be liked, to get on the persons good side etc But for most of the time most of us, give a compliment because we notice something nice and want to say it. Its that simple. If I see someone carrying a gorgeous bag - I will tell her (and secretly imagine it on my arm!) because its nice for someone to compliment us isn't it?

If it is why do we ignore them so often?

Women especially seem to only notice their bad points, instead of rose tinted glasses we seem to have the opposite - What would they be I wonder? manure coloured perhaps?

This led me to wondering, women are affected by so many external influences, what the celebs are wearing, what the mags say IS fashionable, What the shops tells us we SHOULD be wearing. I wonder do these external influences undermine our ability to trust our own judgment on things? Do these restrict us from believing that we too are beautiful because we don't conform to a magazine cover?

So here's an idea - What would happen if we all believed all the compliments we are given from now on. I wonder how long before we would be less critical of our lumpy bits when we look in the mirror, and maybe we might even start to notice the shining luscious hair and radiant smile first instead of the cellulite under the bingo wings.

I for one am going to give it a try. Hey here's another thought - would the criticism from the outside world feel so detrimental to our well being if we have raised the level of our own belief about ourselves?

If you are going to give this a go, I will give you a piece of advice that I learnt from a very wonderful, inspiration and successful woman. if you cant accept the compliment with the simple word "Thank you" just say nothing at all.

So what do you say?

Give it a go - Hear every compliment from this moment on, and learn to shine from the inside out. If you shine enough you wont even be able to see the cellulite through all that light!

Id love to hear how this goes for you - and I will let you know how I get on too.

Have fun shining!

Melons are parts of a woman's body?

"Tesco, the UK supermarket, couldn’t sell big, fleshy melons. Research by a psychologist suggested that women were subconsciously comparing them with their breasts. So Tesco’s growers have been asked for melons no more than 1lb 3oz in weight, which equates to a C cup (Daily Telegraph 1999)"

I saw this and it made me wonder?

When we go shopping what else have supermarkets, consumer groups and psychologists decided we need to see, hear and feel when we go shopping? and taking that one step further where else are these studies put into practice?

Its not me worrying about a big brother environment, more the case if I knew about the outcome of these studies could I control my shopping patterns, my moods or my ability to return from a shopping trip not feeling like a fat heifer because I am not a size 6?

Wouldn't it be great if you could always return from a shopping trip regardless of how many gorgeous bags you are carrying and feel great?

But then I just remembered I have that ability. Its just a case of whether I decide to put it into practice or not.

I am currently looking for a gorgeous suit - But as yet its not materialised, but despite 3 unsuccessful shopping trips. I am not remotely dejected. Firstly I have enjoyed a stroll around the shops, secondly I have managed 2 meals out, thirdly a couple of gorgeous dresses have been bought, fourthly I bumped into some friends and enjoyed impromptu coffee, and lastly but most importantly a big trip to Lakeside beckons!

If I get no suit will I get dejected? No - and do you know why?
There is always a reason to why things happen, it would just mean my dream suit is not at lake side. Coaching has taught me that there is always another answer I just don't know it yet, and I really enjoy trying new options and getting what I want. So where ever you are dynamic outfit I will find you.

And how this relates to melons? Well the next time I am in the shops I will be wondering what subliminal messages are being sent my way?

S.A.D
What does that stand for again? Oh yes Seasonal affected disorder isint it? I reackon it could also be sad and depressed or so against dark days. Do you note from my tone my lack of normal enthusiasm and energy? Well there are few reasons for this.

Firstly Hubby has flown back off to the other side of the world - a girl could get a complex about that you know!

Secondly we have had another day of freezing temperatures and the heating on so high the boiler is demanding rights to 4 weeks holiday and sick pay. When the weather is like this ( and now we are sat in a snow blizzard!) I just want to curl up in bed with laptop and book any holiday out of here. I would even consider a larger and chips spain holiday if it included sun and warmth.

I am not the kind of person that thinks there is no such thing as bad weather just bad clothing I am the kind of person who never wants to wear a cagool or wellies and would happily burn thermals too. I like the sun, strolling along the beach and building sand castles with the kids.

Making snowmen would be fine if it was only 30 degrees warmer!

My son doesnt get my hate of the snow. I sometimes question my lack of britishness with regards to the white stuff. May be it comes from 9 years of working in the car trade and knowing how badly cars stay on the road up the right way. Maybe its because I fell over when I was 20 and spent the next 3 months laying on my back, or perhaphs it comes from boating with icles hanging off of the handrails or maybe its because its too just too cold and wet for my liking.
What ever the reason, for about half a milli second I think "mmmm that looks pretty" and the rest of the time I am thinking "er cold" It brings my mood down to miserable faster than two kids can when they walk in the house from school and trash the place in 3 seconds. "What house work"

Oh well I have had my moan, I will concentrate on the fact that I have daffodils in a vase in the front room, and when walking the dog yesterday I noticed tiny buds sprouting up and baby shoots poking their heads out of the ground. Now they must know something I dont, so spring MUST be on the way - So perhaps S.A.D could stand for Spring against Depression. I like it. Sunshine, beaches and barbies are nearer than they felt an hour ago, Snow what snow - Its barmy tropical evening here in the holgate home.

Hey I think I am getting some of my normal energy and enthusiasm coming back. A bath and a battle on the wii could be due. "Harry, Sophie Mummy is going to whip your butts at Raymans Ravin Rabbids dance game again!"...

Daddy returns to civilisation - Well the Holgates home version of it!

Well Daddy has been away and has been much missed by me and the kids, but now he briefly returns from his far flung adventures. I some times wonder who has the better side of the deal? Poor old Andy is stuck in Business class sipping G & T's watching the latest movies for 17 hours, then stays in a 5 star hotel.Okay admittedly in between the fantastic food, the gym and lounging by the pool there IS some working in an oil refinery, usually after a back breaking 2 hour ride across desert, but I still wonder if it would make a nice change for me? I am soo bored rigid of the bitterly cold winter and feeling trapped indoors. Maybe next time I could go and get hot, have my bed made and my room tidied for me and enjoy gourmet delights for a while and he can do the school run, wonder how the kids have eaten all the food AGAIN, and tackle the equivalent of the forth bridge of washing and ironing.

Its great when he comes home. Its like we are newly married all kisses and gropes. We really appreciate each other again. Maybe all couples should try it? All his little annoying habits don't seem so bad because you are reminded of all the cute things that make him so special and gorgeous.

Andy has this funny way of twisting words around and making sweet words out of them. For instance Kids he calls childronicles - Cute or stupid? you decide. He makes us babychinnos and in the froth on the top, he sprinkles chocolate in the shape of our initials. For weeks he hid the plastic lid that he had painstakingly cut out our letters on. And told us it was magic. Its nice when I stand in front of him and wibble my baby flabby pouch and he says "Yes but that's you isn't it? Our children came out of there, its part of you and that's how it should be" Bless him, no need to kill myself with Davina's fitness video then.

And that's far nicer to think about than "Am I the only person that can carry the stuff at the bottom of the stairs up them?" Or Does he not know that socks don't walk from the bedroom floor into the wash cupboard?? No really don't worry I'll turn the 300 lights off that you have left on in your wake.

So I am enjoying him home. When hes away I am a clean freak. Last week I hoovered on a Sunday surely there should be some law against that. Where as a week later. Hubby lets me lay in till 9! and insists we lazily slommock and chill with the heating on full blast. Don't ya just love him?

Yes knickers are a requirement every day Sophie.

Funny thing about my daughter. She is so into glittery things, pink, clothes and High School Musical. Already at 5 she knows what she wants to wear and how she wants to wear it. And in all honesty she is very good at co-ordinating her wardrobe. However you can imagine the "fun" that that can cause a Mum.

But she has only just grasped that underwear is most defintely required on a daily basis.

On the day that the picture on the podium was taken. We had arrived and it was only as she went to jump on the bouncy castle that I noticed a cute little bum sticking out. I had laid her clothes out on the bed, I had even been back and checked that everything was on round the right way, etc.

When I asked her why she replied. "I didnt want to wear any knickers" Thank fully on this occasion I had spare jeans in the car. I am not always that lucky. Last year at a bbq I had to borrow my son's boxers (he was not impressed!) for her to wear under her pretty party frock.

This is not a habit that she has got from me. But I may start checking my hubby is wearing underwear.

Hows the New Year Resolution Going?

Well Christmas has come and gone. We diligently bought our pressies, watched the telly and followed the ads as much as we followed the telly. And this got me thinking. According to the ads in December the ONLY thing you should be thinking about is Christmas. You must be throwing a party and buying your 3 items for a fiver. You must be frantically panic buying everything because the shops will be shut for 24 hours (like we love the supermarket so much we go every day!) Woe betide the person that has chosen to book a holiday in December, oh no. If you have you are not following the telly close enough. Because it’s not until January that you are allowed to book a holiday, buy a sofa or consider redecorating and god forbid you should consider a diet or quitting smoking in December, no that HAS to be done in January and ask myself WHY?

Does this not create a ridiculous level pressure on our aims for ourselves before we have even started? Imagine if on your child’s first day at school you said “right study hard and don’t muck around because everything you do for the rest of your life is dependent on what you do now” WOW pressure. So why do we do this to ourselves with the dreaded new year’s resolutions?
Yes we have over indulged for near on two weeks but its only two weeks out of 52. Surely life is about balance. I am not suggesting that once a month you should eat & drink enough calories for a small village in Essex, but if you start a new goal with two weeks of guilt I don’t fancy your chances. Ask yourself did you have a good time? If so don’t worry about it. Guilt will scupper any plans for success before you have even dug your scales out if weight loss is your goal.
You need to start from this very second in time. Ignore every other occasion that you have attempted to succeed at your goal. You can choose to do things differently this time with lasting results. A famous Coach said “to continue to do what you have always done and to expect different results is madness” So what will you do differently to get what you want?
Here are a few tips.
- Are you doing this because YOU want to? There is so much input from the media it’s hard to remember to look and feel how we want and not how the latest celebs do. If you are trying to change because of an external influence, trust me it won’t last. The only way to get something you really want is to want it from the inside. You may even find it’s not about changing something about yourself but about changing an attitude about yourself.
- Don’t just say my goal is to not do this. For it to become a reality you have to give your brain a new image to aim for. For instance Instead of “I will not smoke any more” think “I am a non smoker”
- Get specific with your goals. Saying “I want to lose weight” is not enough. “I want to lose 5 pound by the end of January” Gives you boundaries to your goal. But remember to keep it realistic. An unrealistic goal will put too much pressure on you and at the first hurdle you will feel like a failure.
- Before you even reach a hurdle think right now “What will I do to get over any hurdle?” “Who could support me?” And try to accept if a goal is worth achieving its worth persisting with.
- Don’t waste your energy on storing up guilt. It’s done its gone, “What will you do different next time?”
- How will you know when you have reached your target? Imagine right now. The more you can visualise what you want and role play it in your mind the more positive reinforcement you are giving yourself to achieve it.
- Lastly a blatant plug about life coaching. The above is just a taster of some of the new ways of thinking that you can introduce to help you shape your life the way that you would like to. Coaching is used by people from all walks of life to ensure that you are working towards making your life a happy, enjoyable and successful one whatever and how ever you choose to be.
- Good Luck!

Go easy on me.

So just to reiterate my inability to be perfect. My first secret to tell the world (or is that universe - Do aliens use the net?) is that if at one end of the scale you have the Stephen Hawkins whizz of computers and at the other you have my dad, I dont know how to open the lap top? I am probably at the "mmmm Andy I pressed something again!"

It took me a while just to understand the lingo to set this up. I can feed 2 kids a snack to the tune of "Mum I'm starving" (I love that.You have been in the kitchen preparing a gourmet delight for your family to marvel over and in the kids stroll oblivious to the saucepans and you vigorously chopping at the vegetables to demand that you dont be so selfish doing nothing for us and feed us before we faint) while preparing tea, picking up a nintendog's poo, answering the phone and negotiating with the skill of NATO the controls for the telly because "peppa pig is too babyish mum" But understand computer jargon I can not.

I dont know why they do it. Why is everything in ridiculous jargon? I think that maybe it is done to make people look very clever and like they know more than you. Could you imagine if as mums we did that. "Oh yes I would love to C.O.C (Chat over coffee) however I have a meeting with the I.B (Ironing Board) and a merger at 3.00 with the C.E.Os (kids)" Utter madness.
I read on a great website the meaning of ACRONYM - Absurdly Contrived Representations Of Names Yielding Mass Stupefication. Now thats more like it.

Okay so this could be my own stupidity. But I am pretty certain it is not. If everyone made the effort to make themselves properly understood wouldnt that make life a lot easier?

So back to my point - I am new to blogging so please go easy on me, it took me long enough to set this up. So there - thats my first fact a perfect woman would have achieved what I did in an hour in 10 minutes!