How to be a Non Perfect Mum.

The end of a tree - and its true meaning

2011-09-14T00:33:00.000-07:00

Monday was a sad day.
Thanks to the high winds at the end of the garden we lost one of our twisted willow trees.
Sad enough to lose a tree I think. To see something that has stood majestically at the end of your garden for goodness knows how many years. But doubly difficult for me to see.

You see. 8 and half years ago our beloved pussy cat got run over. If that was not bad enough I saw it happen as I was tucking our 3 year old and 3 month old into bed one February evening. We then tucked FFF (that was hes nickname) in his favourite blanket, and dug a hole under that big old tree and buried him with his favourite toy and his sweets. (Sad in more than one right - bet you thing I'm a mad woman if your not into pets right? - LOL).

If I knew then what I know I'm not sure I would have had the strength to keep going. Because with that night was the start of a year and half of hell on earth.
Seeing our fluffy fat fur ball get run over was the start of 18 months of Depression so severe the only option left after 2 suicide attempts, self harming and constant anguish was ECT (That's wiring your brain up to electricity!).

So watching that tree be cut up and removed yesterday felt really tough. And I couldn't think why as I stood there crying as my hubby, son and Dad enjoyed playing lumberjacks swinging off of ropes and ratchet straps to get it down safely.

And then I realised.
when we buried our fluffy fat freak under that tree a version of Mandie got buried too.

A new Mandie emerged the day after and she was not a good version.
And yet today having watched that tree be upended I realise something truly amazing.
Out of the worst experience of my life (truly I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy) has come a new version of me, that strictly between you and me I'm quite in love with.

You see years ago I wouldn't dream of saying such a statement. Think about it. Are you in love with yourself?
I would have said "How self centred" "How arrogant"

But do you know what?

It's not.

As I sit here writing I am thrown back to that night when I felt my world fell apart and I realise seeing that tree get chopped up the hurt and anguish over the person I was and the stress and worry I put the ones I love through has all gone.

Imagine me stood on a mountain aka Julie Andrews in the sound of the Music and I'm shouting "Hey have you heard of Mandie Holgate, she's a fabulous fabulous woman, and I for one love her! Wooooo HOOOOO!" Sorry but the capitals and exclamation marks I hope help you appreciate that I am truly shouting this.

And it's no arrogance I realise, its confidence. I'm confident I'm a good, hard working, talented, wonderful business woman, mum, friend, wife and so many other roles.

Wow I can't tell you how good it feels to admit I'm great.

I bet like me usually you only concentrate on what you are not good on, right?
Well from today get yourself a mountain top and shout how amazing you are.

Because here's the thing if you don't - why should anyone else?

Just to remind myself how brilliant I am - I'm adding a picture of me so far out of my comfort zone I can't see it (that's how I like to deal with comfort zones!)That's naked and having my photo taking - You see Mandie it would appear like your clients you can achieve anything you put your mind to.

How big is that spot?

2011-08-25T12:42:00.001-07:00

So if you read the last few posts, you will know that I have been doing a detox. Its called the Salt Flush and you guessed boy does it flush.....but. apart from that not much else as far as I can tell.

Although I do appear to have a mahousive (that's very big to you and I) spot on my chin which coincided nicely with a networking event that I attended with over 170 people!

Years ago a spot that big on my chin, would have mortified me. It would forced my confidence to drop and left me feeling very insecure and self conscious. I suppose that shows how I have grown as a business coach that I just don't sweat the little stuff anymore.

The fact is if a person does not want to work with me/know me because of a spot that speaks volumes about them not me.

I am far more appreciative of my strengths and far quicker to look over my less than perfect attributes (unless of course they affect others or the success of my life - I'm talking wobbly bits and bad hair days here.)

So the detox could be doing stuff on the inside that I can't see but not convinced. but hey ho, you live and you learn as I say.

You know when you want to put something off.....

2011-08-23T00:46:00.001-07:00

You know you have to do something, and you are the one that has to do it...no one else can do it....but something happens....in your head.....and for some reason you find yourself doing anything but THAT.

It's like when you were at school and that dissertation had to be in on Monday morning and on Sunday night it still wasn't done, so what are you doing?

That's right, your watching songs of Praise. For everyone who has suffered from this, did you know it actually has a name in psychology?

Its Student syndrome.

Well, I think I have been hit by Student Syndrome this morning. Maybe its because of instead of waking up to blue skies bouncing of the yellow of my house I can see a grey grey day, but I just can't face THAT salt concoction!

But me being me (That's Mrs I set a goal, I'll achieve it - which by the way in business is great but in your personal life can get you in all sorts of trouble.)
I walked downstairs with intent purpose, strided into the kitchen and boiled the kettle.

As I stood there 5 minutes ago, and looked at that concoction I realised to do this every day for a week, I'm going to have to find a way to get it in my mind that it does not taste awful.(It tastes awful) I am going to have to get in mind that I am not going to throw and gag because of the taste down the back of my throat.

And then it hit me, Coaching hat went on and I thought what are the things I love and one of the things that I truly love is the sea, and guess what that is?

Yep it's salty.

So this morning as I downed that vile concoction (I am doing this to feel healthier I have to remind myself!) I imagined I was swimming in the beautiful calm, blue ocean with the sun beating down on my head and by accident I just happen to have swallowed a mug of water. Well the first bit seems to work. But that's okay because when you walk out of the sea, you lay on a bed, under a palm tree (minus coconuts - did you know how many people get injured by them each year?) and feel the warmth of the sun on your body. And that always feels healing.

So despite the tipping down of wet stuff from the sky this morning, I'm feeling dam near tropical. I can smell the cocktails being mixed at the bar and the wood fire to cook lunch has just been lit.

Apparently a vivid imagination is very useful in life.

Just writing this and drifting off to Carri bean beaches has made me(almost) completely forget about the foul taste.

Oh no. I just remembered what happens within the hour. mmmmm and I have to go out in 25 minutes. Another challenge for me then.
It will make me healthier, it will make me healthier - yeh Mandie keep telling yourself that one!

Is this progress?

2011-08-22T11:29:00.000-07:00

Well at the end of day one. I have had a corker of a stomach ache all day and a headache that is doing its best to out perform the gut pain. But I've had pain in both parts of my body for 8 months so this is just a different form or pain.

Not sure if that is what you would class as progress. but hey at least its something different.

Can't wait to get up in the morning and have my mug of salt water. mmmm. tasty.

Sarcasm? much?

My mum always said it was the lowest form of wit. Not sure what that says about me because I grew up in the generation of the Mary Whitehouse experience. and that was packed with the stuff.

So progress? Who knows but as Dad always says "Don't knock it until youv'e tried it!"

Not sure that is one of the best bits of advice my Dad's ever given me!

Am I really going to drink THAT!

2011-08-22T00:31:00.000-07:00

So most of the time when I fancy writing a blog its been sparked by a coaching session with a business woman and it will be packed with ideas and solutions for other business women to benefit from.

But this one is different...
This blog is my personal blog, probably why it has laid dormant for over a year. But today is a special day.
Today I am giving myself full permission to be lazy, to veg out, to relax and chill.
I'm not going to work today at all, which is so rare for me. Now adays I can always find time to "just" answer that email, get that report dashed off, send that doc over, right a blog. But today is going to be all about me.

This year has been really tough, no use denying it - I have something wrong with me that has left me exhausted, in pain and feeling really poorly and the doctors are drawing a blank. Actually they have 2 and 2 and are coming up with 5 but you get the idea. (Someone asked how do I feel and for a change I honestly answered "I feel like a have a hangover and flu, and Ive been feeling like that for 8 months" Honesty is not always the best policy - I don't think she had a clue what to say to that.)

So a month a go I read that a detox can clear out your system of toxins, impurities and well crap to help the body restore order and feel well. And having tried, antibiotics, Reiki, Massage, Reflexology, Vitamins, supplements, Counselling, Osteopaths, and countless other suggestions to feel well - I thought why not?
Until I read it consisted of only drinking Maple Syrup, Chilli, Lemon and water for 7 days!

I did it (I can be very determined when I want to be - or is that stubborn!) and I don't know about cured, but I definitely had more energy for a little while and my normal spotty teenage skin looked lovely.

But as the schools hols come to an end, I'm all too aware that life is about to get very frantic again and since my health is as good as 10 week old lettuce leaf in the Sahara - I thought I have to do something and then I remembered the detox....

The thing is I can't face just sipping that concoction for 7 days, I need food!

So I looked around and found an alternative.
mmmm it sounded good. But two hours in I'm not so sure it was a good idea.

You see before breakfast at around 7am I'm to drink a cup of very salty water (thats 2 teaspoons of the stuff!) Not only does it taste foul, leave you feeling sick, it also is definitely working.

When I say working I mean is that my 5th or 6th trip to the bathroom?

Well it does say that you can eat lightly throughout so it sounded so harmless.

It is supposed to clear you out - Yep it is definitely doing THAT.

I will let you know how I get on.

The thing is what I failed to appreciatee is the voracity of the clear out and here's the thing. In 3 hours time I'm supposed to get on my bike and take the children crabbing and out for lunch with friends.

Oh this could be so funny. Mmmm not sure if funny is the right word. but getting stressed won't help much will it!

Mums - What Can You Achieve?

2010-07-01T21:31:00.000-07:00

Talking to other Mum's it never ceases to amaze me how many great women underestimate their worth. "I'm just a mum, I don't work" is my favourite or what about "I am working Mum/Full time Mum" Is it possible to be a part time Mum?

You see although I describe myself as a working woman, I also describe myself as a full time mum because is there a day that goes by when I don't think of my children at some point in the day, however much I am loving my job?

If the phone was to ring and one of my children were ill, would I say "sorry can't come and collect them right now, I'm a working mum" er? No!
I appreciate that there are times when a bit of magic wands and splitting yourself in 2 places at once has to happen, but you never turn the switch off on being a Mum.

But how many of you Mums fully appreciate how blinking amazing you are?

When it comes to setting goals with Mums (Regardless of the kind they describe themselves as!) I often point out the extensive nature of the role "Mum"

You can find when it comes to achieving things that you hit a brick wall. I can't do it. Its too hard. It won't work. So many negatives can attack you daily, especially when are you introducing a new way you want to think or a change in your behaviour.

Well here is a top tip for you Mum's;

Any woman (or Man for that matter) that can get up every morning and every day, and have the same conversations about "Turn the telly off and come and get your shoes on, no not in a minute now please" or "Get into bed, I've read you a story, into bed" or "Eat your breakfast, we have to get to school" or "that's not where your shoes live" can achieve anything. Why?

Well have you noticed how whether your children are blissfully having an afternoon nap or at school for 6 hours, you manage by some miracle to everyday provide your family with clean clothes, cooked meals and all the other things they need to survive. Do you ever give up? Do you ever think "Do you know what I have fought this child to brush its hair for 6 years, blow it, let them go to school looking like Russell Brand, what do I care?!?"
No and why because you have a passion for being a mum.There is a feeling inside that says whatever you need I will always be here for you.

When they were babies, we worried over every second of their lives, are you too hot, too cold, hungry, tired. That does not change as they get older, you just get more things to concern yourself with.

You see motherhood is a vocation. It is so much more than a job. Yes it can be a thankless job, with ridiculous hours and revolting pay but the bonus scheme is incredible.

However grotty and miserable your little ones are during the day, when you look at them snuggled in their beds at night, tell me you don't get a big smile on your face and a love beyond anything.

So take that passion, that absolute belief that no matter what happens I am a Mum and I am here for my children and direct that passion and determination into any goal you have aspired to achieve.

Think it's likely you would fail then?

The next time your kids walk in from school and after the front door has swung back once there is already carnage of lunch boxes, school bags, shoes, and bits of paper and god knows what else between you and the front door mat ask yourself this. Is this the day where I quit it? Is this the day where I decide to give in and let the house disintegrate. Okay so we all need quiet time (especially Mums!) and we all need chill out time and an attitude of "sod it today" once in a while, but I bet by the following morning lunch boxes will be repacked with sandwiches, shoes will be on children's feet and you will be able to get out of the front door without climbing across a minefield of destruction.

Struggling with a goal? Think you can't do it, its too hard, its not achievable?

I know that anyone that can be a mum can achieve anything. Super woman? ABSOLUTELY!

Stop Mum!

2010-04-05T02:18:00.000-07:00

Easter hols - the first time the family has been altogether since that sparkly present stuffed family food marathon we call Christmas and I don't know about you, but all my family wanted to do was be outside.

Hubby had cleaned the barbie (in the garage because the rain was going sideways!) and looked lovingly to the sky for the last week, ignoring the BBC Weather website that clearly showed a forecast that looked like a lot of black sheep were wandering across it.

My children had worked out a itinerary that included picnics, chocolate, crabbing, chocolate, bike rides and egg hunts with yes more chocolate and hubby had polished he's Mersea Island beer mug ready for the 40 odd beers that would need testing at the Mersea Island Beer Festival.

We got off to a pretty good start - cycling to the beer festival at the local vineyard. Sitting in the sunshine watching the kids run around the vineyard, laughing and playing. We smiled confidently thinking what a lovely Easter we were going to have with all this sunshine. The fish from the Company Shed that would be grilled to perfection. The welly paddling on the beach......

But then as in all "feel good" films, just when you think everything is going to be perfect before the sad bit in the film , the clouds gathered, the temperature dived and we were 3 miles from home. Hubby was more than happy to stay at the beer festival until the weather cleared, but THAT sky wasn't going anywhere.

So lets cycle home in a rain deluge and laugh about it, shall we? My son found it hilariously funny, watching the rain slurp up my back but poor old daughter cried her little heart all the way home.

Life has a habit of throwing things your way whether you like it or not. So it was funny to think that we were all experiencing the same thing, but one of us could only concentrate on the "I'm wet get me out of here!" while the rest of us laughed at the silliness of it all.

Duvets, hot choccy, log fire (okay so it was only a pretend one) and family film - cheered us all up, but it took a good few hours to defrost us.

Little did I realise that my back had other plans for the Easter that did not match the rest of me.

Saturday I woke to a - OOooOOOoo feeling. Having a curve in my spine and a arthritic condition I am very used to "ignoring" pain. But this was not the norm. Sniffing and achey, glands around my ankles maybe the slightly damp bike ride was having more effects than I had appreciated.

So here I sit on Monday, weather has not been er... ideal... but regardless my body has demanded a sit and do nothing Easter.

And do you know what my first thought has been?
What about the kids?
("Why won't you think of the children!!?!!" As the lady always wails in the old black and white films.)

I am not dying here but moving around is not great and lots of pain just makes me feel tired. So all I want to do is ..... nothing. But what about the wee lil ones?
I find myself thinking "I could fight it like normal and jump into Mum mode. We could hit the zoo, wrap up warm and take to the beach. We could..."

It must be imprinted into Mothers to always think about the impact of everything on your children before you think of yourself.

The fact is they are more than happy. I just left my comfortable spot to track down the kids who are happily watching Muppets in Oz, painting eggs while eating their 4th course of breakfast.
Do they seem remotely bothered that Mum is not commenting on their every brush stroke? Are they perplexed that we are not cycling the length of Mersea Island?
No. See that is the thing about children they actually are very good at coming up with their own ways to have fun and entertain themselves. (and it does not need to include anything electronic!)
Life does not need to be a permanent torrent of structured family fun. Research from around the world shows that children need to experience boredom to ignite their imagination.

Another sneeky peek at the kids tells me, they are hunched over a piece of paper discussing the design for the tree house club's logo. Apparentely it is going to be painted on the floor. Lets hope they don't paint themselves into a corner, but then at least they could use their imagination to get out again!

So when I finish this blog I will slowly wander the garden with stupadog, watching the children invent fun, safe in the knowledge that it is okay to stop. It's Okay to put my spine before my children for a couple of days and super mum can come back on duty tomorrow.

What does my job really do for me?

2010-03-02T05:53:00.000-08:00

So today was a "busy office" kind of a day. normally my days are split between clients and office and meetings and networking. But today thanks to a great Business Womans network event yesterday I have lots to do. I love to ensure that if I can think of any contacts for business women in attendance then I will ensure that I forward contact details and ideas a.s.a.p.

So hence a busy office kind of day. The only problem was that yellow thing appeared in the sky. And since I am a person who hates the cold winter and would rather peel her eyelids off and boil them than go ski-ing, quite frankly it was a sight for sore eyes!

That glorious sunshine does funny stuff to us humans. You notice people walking slower and looking around and even experiencing smiles on their faces. Instead of collar up, head down and get to your destination as quick as possible before you freeze to the pavement.

So it would have been better if today was an out visiting clients kind of a day, so that Kings of Leon could have been blaring out and my shades could have been attached to the bridge of my nose.

But then as I sat there like a child in double history on a Friday afternoon on a warm sunny July day. I remembered a wonderful fact.

I am self employed! No one is forcing me to be here. I did not have to clock in and work hours stipulated by some one else. I can come and go as I please.

One of the reasons I chose this career path, IS because I wanted to be my own boss.

So I took full advantage of that today. I shut the laptop lid, I grabbed Stupadog's lead and grabbed my shades. On Mersea Island today the tide was huge so me and Dad (who was grabbed as I passed his door.) headed to look at that wonderfully calming beautiful sight, the sea sparkling in the sun, gently lapping the top of the beach, and hiding all of the sea walls.

It was stunning, and I did not have to miss it - Thanks to my choice of career. Fantastic.

I think sometimes it is good to stop, and be aware of why you are doing what you are doing. The plans you put into place 5 years ago, are they still what you want today? Do they still fulfill your life and make you happy?

For me as I strolled home with a salty sandy stupadog admiring the shoots and buds of spring and the crocus's and snowdrops I really appreciated that my business gives me even more than I had realised.

Thanks Universe - I am loving it!

Confidence boosting Mums & Me!

2010-03-01T09:37:00.000-08:00

Being a Business Mum is interesting to say the least. One minute your cleaning mucky faces and making lunches the next you are speaking to a roomful of business women or sending out emails. The way women jump from one task to another is very impressive and is rarely appreciated. So when I note something that works or something that is not I like to share it here.

I have been working with a lot of women in one way or another to help them boost their confidence and appreciate all the fabulous skills they have. And yet it never ceases to amaze me how the brilliance I can see is often unappreciated by the woman sat before me.

I think a big problem for us Mums is that our confidence so easily gets knocked. I know some amazing business women who have had great careers and having taking time off to play babies now feel less confident about themselves. It so easily happens, and I think it is important to remember this dip in confidence is not something especially kept for Mums.

Its something that can hit anyone at anytime. A key problem can be that because we have been away from that environment or that task we choose to accept a different belief that we are somehow less capable than other people.

For instance we often assume that if we struggle to do something, like public speaking, or getting new clients for our business, or even getting our children to sleep through the night that everyone else is fabulous at it and we are the only ones that struggle.

On the other hand if we are good at something we assume that everyone is good at that! Thereby giving ourselves no appreciation for what we are good at.

A big mistake we often make is assuming that we can not get that confidence back, without a massive amount of effort, well the fact is that just isn't true.

If you are prepared to challenge that belief, that is the first step into taking back your confidence.

The unknown can create a lot of concern and uncertainty which can lead to a dip in confidence, so if that feels like it is happening to you, ask yourself what would I need to learn to feel confident again?

Also, be aware of a time when you were very confident, what skills did you put into action that you could use to build confidence in this area that you lack it?

And lastly I bet many of you are thinking, as a "Business & Life coach SHE doesn't get dips in confidence!" On the contrary!

I surprised my photographer last week, when I went to have new photos taken for my business. She was very shocked to learn how nervous I was. I did advise her that quite frankly I would rather have a check up at the dentist than have a photo shoot. She couldn't believe it. "How can a business woman with as much confidence as you be worried about this?" she said.

That's the thing about dips in confidence, it differs as much as the individual. The difference for me to a lot of women is that I always tackle dips in confidence - head on.

I still hate having my photo taken, but I do it, and I know that the more I expose myself to these experiences the less I will fear them and lack confidence in them. Although I doubt I will ever feel like strutting my stuff on a red carpet!

So a parting thought for you. If you feel a bit like this is just too big for me, I will just accept that that was me of the past I can not get that back. Ask yourself this. "Would you want your son or daughter to turn away and accept a life long dip in confidence? Or would you want them to have the mindset and the skills to be able to deal with it?"

Because if you do find your answers to build your confidence, you are being a fabulous role model for your children, and how great will it be that we can influence are children in such a proactive way every day of their lives to help them always tackle those dips in confidence?

I love to hear from people. What's working, what's not, and if I can be of any help in supporting your challenges and ambitions - it is always great to meet up for coffee and cake (of course!) to talk about how coaching could work for you.

P.S I will share my photo shoot piccys with you the moment they arrive!

Nothing can work wonders!

2010-01-27T05:35:00.000-08:00

At a meeting last week I was sharing with someone one of my passions for 2010 that is to continually accept and seek out new challenges.

As a coach when you train, before you start helping others you help yourself. You learn to understand yourself in a way that many of us never take the time to. This enables you to work to your strengths, understand and deal with your weaknesses and always think in a way that is proactive to getting the personal and professional life you want.

The only "problem" is that what ever I am doing in life I take it on head first, No comfort zone creates a problem for me and thus the things in life that could be a challenge do not exist anymore.

Hence I am actively looking for new challenges. Things that I would never have thought of before.

A client I was working with told me of their trekking for charity that took them into the mountains of Nepal. "That sounds perfect!" I thought. Until I suggested it to my Hubby who pointed out that the trekking bit I would be fine with and easily get fit for, but the sleeping in a tent bit would be "interesting" for someone with a curve in their spine and arthritis. So that one is maybe not the most appropriate for me. But it does not need to be that big.

For instance anyone on Facebook will know that I hate structured exercise, because of my bodies intriguing way of growing I have to get regular exercise but for me it is not in a gym. For years I went religiously to the gym 3 times a week - I never felt the buzz, I never loved it, I never had that adrenaline rush that people talked about. The fact is the gym to me is boring full of sweaty bodies, in their own worlds ignoring that anyone else exists in their own pit of torture!

I know that to keep fit and exercise my exercise has to be congruent to me (That congruency thing again!) and for me that is walking on the beach, running with my kids, playing wii fit games with my son and cycling with the family.

So when my sister asked me to go to with her to a Legs, Bums and Tums class - I was beyond mortified.

In 36 year I have never done a exercise class, And I would be happy to spend the next 36 years the same way. As much as I love dancing I have the co-ordination of a lettuce.

If you jiggled some sausages in a Sainsbury's carrier bag it would be more co-ordinated than me!

But hey, You asked for challenges!

So I bought the gear and turned up to a roomful of women that looked like they had done this before. Okay so I did seem to be one step behind and had fits of hysterical laughter when they attempted to teach me the grape vine but I really enjoyed it!And I probably got far more exercise than anyone else there as I did 3 steps to their 1 trying to keep up!

I have discovered a new thing to add to my life. A shared moment with my sister just for us, a new way to exercise and its great.

So when it was suggested that I extend from doing nothing for 15 minutes a day to not working for a whole TWO DAYS. I gulped but said why not?

Google appreciate the importance if giving their staff the space to be creative and to tackle problems in a new way by spending 20% of the time doing non work related things - You can even take your dog to work apparently. and we all know how well Google are doing don't we?

So how could it impact on my working week? On my brain cells? On my productivity and creative thoughts?

The fact is I did it this weekend. I did not even turn the laptop on. So not even a glimmer of facebook or twitter. No blogging, no emails, no "I'll just finish this report" Nothing.

After I stopped sweating from the "But what ifs" I found that I had more time for me and my family.

It was like being on holiday. By Sunday morning I was having all these fantastic ideas. I reckon my subconscious must have been throwing a party up there thanking me for all the space it was getting to do its job.

And the impact on this week?

Well so far, I have accepted 2 new challenges that quite frankly I would have questioned I had time for. I have found the answer to something that has been frustrating me for days. And I feel calmer.

The fact is I am not a doctor saving peoples life's, I am not in the emergency services. I do not need to be contacted 24 hours a day. And although my clients appreciate that, maybe I needed to be reminded of that!

So take up the challenge -

Don't work for 2 days...Feels like a challenge? GOOD!

Life is about constantly seeking out new challenges and being prepared to try some what ifs. If you don't then how can new opportunities head your way?

New Year Resolution is No New idea!

2010-01-18T07:57:00.000-08:00

A lot of people I have been meeting recently have been commenting on their weight. It seems as the daffodils start to shoot and you begin to notice that it's not dark at 20 to 5 in the afternoon our mind starts to notice those few additional pounds that magically appeared over the festive time and we are not talking about pounds in the bank!

I too have noticed the extra volumptousness about myself however I do not view it in a negative way. I loved my Christmas, the parties, the food, the company, the wine and maybe the odd Margarita and I know that getting back to work and as the weather improves I will be more inclined to go out and not hide under a duvet with the heating set to tropical.

My kids do not notice my change in appearance, my hubby loves me and rolls his eyes in a Simon Cowell fashion when I wobble in front of him - so I too set my mind to positive and know that I am gorgeous regardless. I know my positive mind set ensures that I concentrate on the successful outcome that I expect and I ignore the negative.

And yet so many people feel negatively about their bodies. This in turn leads them to feel negative. Which then starts to affect the way they feel day to day. What effect can that have on your personal and professional life. Are we saying that if you are over weight that you can not be successful?

Are we saying only thin people are a success?

The fact is plenty of stunning models and the worlds favourite actresses are plagued with unhappiness. Success is not just measured by how much money you have.

And yet for many it is. It's measured by the size of your waist band and the noughts in your bank account.

So listening to these people talk about their figures made me think about the pressure we put on ourselves this time of year to create goals and succeed at things that for some have been elusive for years.

Negativity feeds more negativity, so if you fill your mind with pounds in all the wrong places, your brain feeds of it - As much as your body does!

So give your mind a healthy dose of positivity today.

And be congruent with the person you are. Is it realistic to be thinking about getting fitter and leaner physically at the start of the year? Most people have just had at least 6 days off of work. Most in trays are as full as our waist bands. So concentrate on getting the in trays sorted first. When work feels the way you want THEN start to look at the other areas of your life you would like to improve.

The fact is a big reason we do not achieve our goals (apart from not being what we really want!) is that there is too much else going on in our lives right now. My clients quite often find that they deal with an area of their life that they have been ignoring and magically other areas of their life's improve too.

Rocket science it is not!

It is a case of prioritising. What is the most important thing I need to deal with today? When I shut my eyes and my head hits the pillow tonight what will give me the greatest sense of achievement? What can wait until another day? In ten years time will this be of any concern to me - Will I remember how I felt?

So I will leave you with this fact. 58% of people think they will be successful with their new year resolution however only 12% actually is!

So get in that 12%!

Know what you really want. What is congruent to the person you are (your beliefs and values) and be realistic about when and how you are going to achieve it.
And if a helping hand will get you there - find yours. Be it a trusted friend, partner, or coach. I have a client who twitters about everything she is doing. She said it ensures if she does something she will regret later, everyone in the world knows about it and will think she has the will power of a sausage!

I love it!

Game of Cards - Just like business?

2010-01-09T01:45:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the snowy weather and a shut school, me and the children have had an extended Christmas holiday. Yes it is frustrating in one way because this week was packed with great new clients, meetings regarding some great projects I am going to be involved in and the preparations for next weeks Business Woman's Network Event.

So plans had to be changed and rearranged.

Because my kids get quality time with me, I was able to convince them that if I worked for an hour first thing I would then devote the rest of the day to them and snowy antics. And after the first 20 minutes of an interruption every three milli-seconds for everything from Sophie is sitting too near me, to whats the most deadliest thing in a rain forest? I was able to do a certain level of work, even coaching over the phone. (I love that about my job, that I can work anywhere anytime and my client can stay safely and warmly in their homes and still get closer to their goals and ambitions.)

So work done, out we went like intrepid explorers. After sledging on the beach, snow ball fights and snow man building and a general explore around Mersea Island I pulled the children to Nanna's house for a warming whisky and a game of cards. For anyone that hates formal exercise or gyms (like me!) pulling a 8 year old and a 6 year old on a sledge for 2 or 3 hours must be great exercise. I definitely have muscles that I did not know had not been exercised for a few months.

As we played cards and argued over whose Black Jack rules were correct, I looked around the table and really appreciated how lucky I am. To have children who want to know me and their grandparents. Parents too who enjoy my company and who I treat like my best friends.

I feel very lucky because I know how many people I coach who have relationship issues with family members and the impact that that can have on your personal and professional life.

This led me to thinking about how different we are within my own family. Although there are traits that are so connecting about us (not just the big nose I hasten to add!) We are so different in some ways. For instance me and my Dad have a bond that is very special and unique. From a very young age I can remember special moments with my Dad. From walking along Westward Ho beach and getting caught out by tide so we climbed the cliff face, to being out at sea in a small boat and seeing our first shark. (We did not wait around to discover that it was a harmless Basking shark!) to helping Dad rub down a wooden boat and joining Dad out on a recovery in the big red lorry with the flashing lights.

I can talk to Dad about anything and we get to do this on long walks along the beach or on days out at sea. If there is a job to be done on board. I know I am his first mate, because we share such a passion for the sea as my Grandad did and even my great grandad before, both of whom were in the merchant navy. However for all our similarities (such as my business acumen, passion for family and gift of the gab - apparently I could sell snow to an Eskimo!) as I played cards yesterday I appreciated how different we can be too.

Dad has to win at everything. Everything is a battle to be won, a challenge, an opportunity to prove himself the best. I am not very competitive at all with other people. I do demand the best from myself and I am hyper critical of everything I do, demanding to know what I can do to improve all the time, however I do not have this fire for 1st place.

Looking around the table I realised that my children do have this desire to win. And as I thought about this more. I appreciated that we were all playing the same game in so many different ways. I was playing to be with my family, to have fun, to laugh.
My Son & Dad were playing to annihilate their opponents and my daughter best of all when she laid an ace she could choose any suit to enable her to win the game. She chose hearts even though she had none! When asked why she had done that she said "because I like hearts" Obviously!

Business is very much like a game of cards. We all want the ultimate outcome to be successful. However what we class that as will vary from person to person. For some it may be an amount of money in the bank that defines success. For others it may be the knowledge that every house hold benefits from their product, it could be a Porsche parked on the drive or a swimming pool in the garden. Whatever it is, our definition of what a successful business looks like will vary, just as our attitude to a game of cards.

So if you can grasp this fact, then you can learn to appreciate that the path that you choose to take to success will differ too. It HAS to be congruent to you. It has to feel right. That gut instinct that gets you sometimes. Trust it, just because another person did it this way, it does not mean it will be right for you.

As with any area of life treat it like a game of cards. Know what the ultimate outcome is that you wish to see, and with every small step work towards it. When the cards don't look the way you want them to make up your own rules!

This life is for living. Enjoy it. Play the games you want to and get the results you want.

It can also help to look at the way you would choose to play a game of cards. Because this shows you what is important to you. As with me. The way I play cards is for fun, to connect with people, to enjoy my time, I do not need to win the game, just do my best. The same is true with my business. I have so much fun with my business, if fulfills me in so many ways. I get to connect with people and I enjoy it.

Some one once said to me Business is not supposed to be fun. She may have had a different idea of what fun looks like, because for me fun happens every day. Fun is something that makes me feel good and full of life. Fun makes me feel happy to be a live. Fun puts a smile on my face and warmth in my heart - My business is definitely fun!

What ever your life looks like, what ever you do to fill your days - I hope you too appreciate fun and playing the game of cards the way you want to.

Whose teaching who?

2009-10-11T01:00:00.000-07:00

Not only do my children make me laugh. I realise that I can learn alot from them. Ironically it is things that I knew but as I have grown up and added careers, finances and goals to my life they are things that have been pushed back a bit.

So what is it they reteach me?

Well this morning as I lay in bed waking slowly on a lazy Sunday. They were laying next me. When the conversation went like this...
"Mum your breath smells!" said Sophie (Say what you mean Soph - don't hold back!)
"So does yours first thing in the morning, that's why we brush our teeth in the morning and the evening."
"Harry does my breath smell?" asked Sophie.

They then laughed their way through the next 10 minutes (I am pretty sure it would have been a lot longer but Mummy suggested it wasn't the best game they had ever invented, so could they stop that now) of sitting nose to nose with their mouths wide open smelling each others breath. After every breath they burst into laughter. Okay so I taught them how bacteria is active in your mouth all night to make nasty smells and damage your teeth and my children taught me...

As I think about it they taught me alot.
There is a serious side to our conversation this morning but only children could turn it into a belly lurching, cheek hurting laughter fest. They can see the fun in everything and anything. They do not suffer from the levels of stress we do. They may have an all mighty row at school with their best friend but within the hour its all forgotten and they are running around playing Hannah Montanna or Star wars. How cool would it be if Barack Obama could moan to his mum that the enemies of the world won't share and play nicely then be running around a field laughing and smelling each others breath after half an hour? How great that the row you had with your other half over breakfast is long forgotten by the time you pull on the drive that day. And you run into each others arms for a hug.

Laughter is another thing that children are far better at than us adults. Often chuckling for very little reason. And as the saying goes Laughter is the best medicine. Research shows that children laugh up to 400 times a day and us adults only manage an average 17 times a day!
So before you dismiss this, within a minute of searching my beloved google I learnt laughter is great in so many ways.

It boosts your immune system. Makes you feel less stressed, can relieve pain and can even protect your heart and lower your blood pressure. My husband says its because it releases "those dolphins" but apparently there are no dolphins involved its just endorphins - Who knew?

So its also useful this time of year with the long dreary damp nights drawing in on us to relieve S.A.D.

One website told me that laughing 100 times is the equivalent to 10 minutes on the rowing machine or 15 minutes on an exercise bike! 9http://www.laughteryoga.org/) Now that sure beats a run in the rain!

So learn from children.

Don't take life so seriously.
Live in the moment once in a while - yes set those goals, have aspirations but take the time to just think "I'm here, this is me, this is my life"

And smile, belly laugh, chuckle, grin. and if that feels too much guess what happens when you put a fake smile on your face? Those dolphins are still getting released and the more you fake smile, before long your brain does not know the difference and the genuine article is spread across your face and the benefits felt throughout your body.

So whatever you are doing today - laugh, enjoy the moment and have fun!

(Just to make you laugh the photo is Me and mysidekick laser eyed Stupadog. I was the only one dressed like this all day at our local hospital for charity!)

What kind of bird are you?

2009-09-27T01:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a glorious day, and since I am dragging my birthday out I decided to spoil myself just that bit extra.

I positioned one of the garden sofas so that I could get all of the cushions on there and place it in the direction for optimal sun and minimum shadows, ordered a G & T with Ice and a slice from the gorgeous waiter that resides in my home (Okay the hubby) and got my book out. It may sound an incredibly boring book but Psycho-Cybernetics is actually a great book (basically about repositioning your mindset to get what you want out of life and you) and I was deep in thought as I read and then I read these words that I often find myself appreciating. "Stop, Look and Listen"

Maxwell Maltz talks about taking the time out to stop and appreciate everything around you. Anyone that reads my blog regularly will know that I create that space for myself and I really appreciate the importance of doing this. However in the high octane energy, excitement and fun of my birthday sitting still and quiet had not been high on my agenda. So...

I put down my book had a sip of my drink and looked up at the beautiful blue sky. Just like I did as a child I still find clouds fascinatingly beautiful. And as I gazed at these and felt the warmth of the sun on my body I could hear the fishing boats out at sea, the bee buzzing in my sun flowers and I felt reconnected with the wonderful world around me.

When I look at the sky I find it amazing to think that there is not another living thing between me and the next inhabited planet (wherever that may be) and I feel like a distant star. Some where out there in the cosmos someone else could be doing the exact same thing and looking in my direction wondering similar thoughts to me. It makes you feel very small, but very special to be a part of such a wondrous thing.

As I watched the clouds move, and whisper, I noticed the birds.

Some birds flap their wings very fast but fly no faster than the bird that flaps its wings once in a while. Okay so you could argue that their wings are shorter and they have no choice, but evolution has taught us that all living things can adjust to its environment. So why do some birds flap like a jumping jack on red bull and others leisurely fly twice as fast with half the effort?

This got me thinking about us two legged, non feathered ones. (Yes humans.) Some of us flap around like the proverbial headless chicken, getting very little done and stressed to the hilt and others seem to glide through life looking like good luck falls in their lap all the time.

Unlike birds that can not overnight change their wing span, us humans can change the way we perform.

So are you a pigeon batting your wings like their on fire or are you a albatross or an eagle gracefully and effortlessly soaring above the world?

I realise that it can depend on what we are thinking more than what we are doing. If you think that life is hard work and nothing comes to me easily then you better keep flapping like a humming bird. On the other hand if you know you have done your best, planned, smiled and accepted life has a way of working out, then enjoy the view and gracefully glide through your life.

And if you feel like a humming bird what could you do?

First of all like a David Attenborough slow mo bit, slow things down. Take the time in the words of Maxwell Maltz to stop, look and listen. Don't be like the swallow and sleep while still moving, give yourself some space and some quiet time.

Like a condor fly high above the world and observe from a distance what is happening in your life. By the time you fly back down to earth you will have come up with some new ways of dealing with the same problems, because you look at them from such a different angle.

Lastly enjoy the view, Your life is unique to you. So that includes everything not just the bad stuff, all your unique qualities combined together with your life experiences created you, so fly high and love the view.

So what a thought for the day!

I am sure I will get lots of posts about what kind of a bird you are. Personally I must be a sea bird, Something like an Albatross. Soaring high above the ocean living off of sea food - if I could just work out how to get my G & T up there that would suit me fine!

Vitals for Business (& children) - Nuture, Protect and Love AND when to stand back.

2009-09-12T00:25:00.000-07:00

"That's my baby boy!" I thought as I watched him walk up the road on his own with four planks of wood under his arm. He's eight and half, and since my parents live 5 minutes from our home he wanted to be independent and walk round to Grandad & Nana's on his own.

It's Saturday morning the sun is shining and apparently Harry and Grandad have been in deep talks over the architectural designs of his new soap box (apparently it will include a bunk bed for his and his sister's Build-a-Bears) and so "an early start is needed Mum to get it started". I love a walk on a Saturday morning down the avenue of trees to the beach with the sun sparkling on the sea, so I would happily stroll with my son and have a nice chat.

But my 'memory like a super computer' son remembered that with more responsibility comes more opportunity. Hence you help put the recycling out and you get to stay up late and watch Star Trek. You help Mum put the shopping away and you get to use a big 'slice the eyelash in half' knife and help prepare dinner, and his new idea is "Can I walk to Nana's on my own?"

Gulp!

He may be 8 and half but to me he will always be my baby boy. Someone that I loved making for 9 months and who, despite being a night mare at potty training, and had colic for the first 3 months of his life and so did not sleep allllllll night creating a zombie mum, is someone that always makes me happy to be alive and brings me a smile and a hug. He is so precious to me. Watching him grow up and create his own ideas of what is important and what is fun is a pleasure, and letting him walk out into the big wide world on his own is a very scary prospect for me.

But some where down the line I will have to relinquish control. I can't (won't want) a 25 year old man of a son holding my hand in Sainsbury's asking me if he can go and look at the toys. (When he is 25 me and hubby plan to be travelling the world with a credit card, a passport and a passion for 5 star hotels on distant exotic shores with the odd elephant ride and a trip to see the Indian tribes of Central America) so I have to create little opportunities for him (and me) to experiment with freedom.

But still as I watched him to the end of the road with the phone to my ear, advising grandad in spy walkie-talkie mode "Sparrow Sparrow this is N.P.M here, the target is on the move, I repeat the target is on the move, do you have visual? over" Knowing full well that he is perfectly safe, Dad is already stood in the middle of the avenue in his dressing gown watching out for him, that I can feel my heart racing in my throat (why does your heart always jump into your throat? Is it on a piece of elastic for emergencies?)

Knowing when to let go and stand back and trust everything will be okay is not easy. And this got me thinking that in all areas of life this can be said.

With my business for instance, sometimes I know that I have done everything that needs to be done and could possibly be done to succeed and yet I worry like a clucky mother hen over it.

Worry creates a negative energy, and this in turn can affect the outcome of what I am working on. When you genuinely stop and trust that everything is in order. You need to concentrate on feeling content and happy that you have done everything that you need to and everything will be fantastic. In this way you are allowing your subconscious to pick up on your positivity and feed on it and enhance the outcome.

Think about the reverse of this. If you feel negative and worry, you are feeding yourself negative emotions - fear, worry, doubt, sadness, frustration, desperation and you know what will happen? You brain will help you find plenty more of it.

So CONCENTRATE on the outcome you want. Actively DO all that you can to get the results that you want, but importantly KNOW when to stop and step back and trust that everything will be fabulous.

My business quite often feels like a vulnerable little child. That I want to protect and nurture. That needs 24 hour care like a new born baby. But I realise now that I treat it more and more like a 8 year old child. Most of the time it needs my monitoring, my love and care. It needs me to be the best that I can for it. But sometimes that includes standing back and letting it do its thing because after all just like my son it is an amazing thing that I made.

Oh no here comes the guilt!

2009-08-27T01:36:00.000-07:00

I have just had a phone call. It was my Dad. "Can I come and take the kids and the dog for a couple of hours, I wanna play?" Can he! That would be wonderful.

I love my children to bits however my sister has finally produced to perfect, beautiful little babies after a very scary and frightening night last Friday spent pacing the hospital corridors reading the same poster for four hundred thousand times, and I am feeling a little bit emotionally knackered. I would have gone crabbing and cycling but Dad's call has given me some ideas.

I would/do/and will always do anything for my family, and my sister is my best friend. I have been there for every moment of her pregnancy from the fear of an ectopic, to the Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, that was one of the most awful things a pregnant woman could have to endure emotionally and physically to losing a heart beat last week. And now for the first time for 8 and half months I feel like I am coming off duty and can breathe. Ultimately the body goes "Eugh, emergency stop required....reserve power.....sleep.....rest....relax.....now"
And what do we women always do when that happens?

Well nine times out of ten we say "I will just get this done and I will relax tomorrow, I will have all day then." But your body does not phone up and book an appointment. It does not say "Hi Body here, look feeling abit shattered any chance of a nice bath, a good book and an early night next Thursday at about 8.30?" It wants it now! It needs it now!

So this phone call is just what the body ordered. ( I am glad that I had had that in the back of my mind for the last 24 hours - thanks law of attraction for doing your thing again.)

But here I lie as I wait for the bath to fill with my special (hidden away from little girly fingers) expensive, luxurious bath oils, book nearly finished, I have a unwanted feeling starting to emerge. And I wanted to deal with it now. And as I am discovering when I add it to my blog it means you too can learn from my experiences and knowledge (and I get to write - which I love!)

The fact is there is a guilty feeling starting to worm its way into my stomach, and no its not hunger. My husband is working I think. There are emails to reply to. I could be playing with my children. I could arrange to meet a client. All these thoughts are entering my head. Why?

The fact is I can chose what I put in my head just as easily as I can chose what I do to today. So here are the facts to replace the guilt with.

I know I always do my best for my clients.
People do not expect emails to be answered within four milli seconds of being sent.
I have just spent 41 days (without a day apart from them) playing, crabbing, picnicing, painting, tenting, meeting friends, going on adventures, going to the seaside, parks, farm,race circuits, adventure parks, cycling, reading, and much more.

I give my all to my children - "Take a chill pill love" is what I think. Because the fact is what kind of a person am I if I do not include myself in the list of people that I protect,care for, love, respect and help?

Surely sometimes you have to say that the one person that needs some quality time from me is ME.

So guilt is being dispelled like an evil witch melting into a green cloud of smoke and disappearing forever, and sense has returned.

So I can smell my bath is ready, kettle is boiled and that book won't read its self.

Remember that if you can not/will not do this for yourself once in a while. What kind of a role model are you to the people around you? To your children? Do you want them to grow up never putting themselves first? Never knowing when they need to listen to their body and take a well deserved relax and restore?

So.... I am off to be a fab role model to my children and hopefully to you too.

Enjoy your day - I know I am.

Magical days creating wonderful memories

2009-08-16T11:29:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days that you expect to see in the middle of a Disney film, just before there is lots of rain and everyone cries, slam lots of doors and it all goes horribly wrong and you think there is no way that there can possibly be a happy ending.

The bit in the film where they play the happy music over people laughing and chasing each other around a half decorated room with paint brushes. Or like the scene where the sun is just setting and the air has a magical warm glow to it as the seeds are blowing in the breeze and the female star falls and the male stars offers her his hand and they smile at each other just a bit too long so that you know that a soppy kissy bit is coming up.

Well the difference to a Disney film is that there is no horribly wrong bit it just happened to be a day I know that I will cherish for as long as I live.

It is quite challenging (and that's putting it mildly) looking after 2 children, a dog, a home and your many business ventures without a hubby around without even begining to contemplate the constant worry of when my nephews are going to enter the world (The twins as if I/you could forget are due anyday). I am just very thankful that he is only on the other side of the world on a business trip and that I do not permanently have to do this. I really admire single parents beyond words. I love to be around people and so I hate being away from him. I like my own company however the front room feels too big to be in without him or the children so I "retire to my room" when they are snuggled in the beds. For the first few days its nice to spend too long writing and sat with a bright green face mask and paint my nails while listening to classical music, however after a week I quite miss pointing out that I have no interest in watching monster constructions and dare I say it his inability to finish a job.

So sometimes it can be hard to keep motivated especially in the holidays to find the space to be me and to still have the energy and the happiness levels to want to play with the children.

Well today was perfect in so many ways.

The kids played first thing allowing me to write (it really is becoming a passion, well beyond a hobby) and then after the essential Sunday stable of a leisurely breakfast. We packed our rucksacks with essential supplies and set off, (and no we did not have lashing of ginger beer, but it did feel a bit like that.)

First we met up with my Dad and cycled with him to the beach and then we said goodbye and cycled half way around Mersea Island until we surrounded by only oyster catchers, seagulls and swans. The only sound when we stopped for our emergency rations to keep us going was the sound of the tide coming in and the long grasses swishing in the breeze. (See Disney like images as I said) It was lots of fun.

The path got too narrow to cycle because of the long grass in our spokes so we walked to the end of the sea wall. As we neared the end of the sea wall suddenly I saw my sons blue cycle hat disappear down the side of sea wall. Unfortunately for my son he was still in it. I dashed to rescue him, only to find him laughing amongst the samphire and pulling the lumps of grass out of his bike.

When we got home we changed faster than catwalk model into our cossies and spent the late afternoon playing in the pool. When the kids had had enough they disappeared to the end of the garden and I had to lie on the lilo on my own reading a good book in the glorious sunshine looking up at my apple tree and seeing the beautiful blue sky like a collage poking through.

It was then just as when we were sat on the sea wall that I stopped what I was doing and just looked around me and I smiled. How lucky I am I thought. To not only be having a great day but to also take the time out to really stop and appreciate how brilliant it is and how lucky I am.

So, as I say it was an afternoon of magical memories that I can treasure forever. I love it when you really appreciate what you already have. Under normal circumstances this is something that I do everyday of the week. How ever awful my day is. I look for something in the day that I feel lucky about or that I treasure and feel blessed with. (Otherwise what was the point of that day!)It just so happens that today was a magical one in which I have taken a snap shot of time and stored it in mind for all time - priceless.

Everything happens for a reason

2009-08-13T01:18:00.000-07:00

At 5.30 this morning my son walked in my bedroom. Now before I continue you here I must remind you that I like to be snuggled in my bed by 9ish (with a good book) and last night I let the kids stay up late and we watched a film together, which meant that by the time I had rearranged Sophie's teddies 37 times and organised her blankets in colour code order (She is like Trevor and Simon she doesn't do duvets!) I did not get to bed until nearly 11pm. Not a problem I thought, the kids had a late night, we can all lay in until 7ish and I will be fine. (See I am definitely a morning person.)

So back to my story....

In comes my son at 5.30 complaining of stomach ache and we discovered its actually because there is a spider on the ceiling in his bedroom. Okay if you want to get technical I would have to get a microscope to see the thing but to him it was a monster with layers of drool dropping from its teeth. I did suggest he eat the spider to get rid of his stomach ache but my son is not very gullible and insisted we deal with the minor crises in the Holgate home that could end up on BBC news at 6 if we didn't.

In the pursuing 20 minutes, of fetching a chair from my room and the stupid piddly thing knowing its indoor days were numbered so scuttling in between the planets of the solar system on my sons bedroom ceiling. My daughter (funnily enough) woke too.

Spider dealt with and it is still only 5.50am. The suggestion of going back to bed was laughed at, so up we get at silly o'clock, don't you kids know its the school holidays? Okay I think that in 5 years time I would be happy to have these characteristics in my children as they will probably turn into vampires that can't get out of their pits before midday without the threat of a icicle bed bath (works a treat on you hubby when you want help changing the bed that he refuses to vacate) but it makes for a long day which I know will entail two droopy children at about 4o'clock today. How can this be good I thought?

Well as I sit here updating my blog at 9.30 in the morning I know the answer to that.

Thanks to our bugle at dawn. I have cleared the ironing, emptied the dishwasher, wrote my articles for Septembers edition of Newsround and Healthy Life Essex, Replied to all of yesterday's emails and paired the sock box (okay so there is still the sock monster living in our house and eating the occasional sock so the sock box is not completely empty. Makes me wonder, why we don't bin the odd socks in there. Is it because we secretly hope the Sock monster will regurgitate them some day?)

And all by 9.30 in the morning. Which means I know have time to drop off a present at my friends, return the rented D.V.D's, get some shopping done, pop to the bank and still go crabbing by 11am in what has now turned out to be a sunny day.

Wow! Reading all that I achieved today makes me feel tired. (I have time for a cuppa as well before we go out - how cool is that!) but the fact is half of that would have to have been done tonight when the kids were in bed, and now I have a whole day to play, relax, meet friends, (ooo I think I will have a cuppa with my Mum at some stage too) and enjoy myself.

So I really am appreciating that out of every bad situation something good WILL happen.

Everything happens for a reason. Understand that and when things go horrendously wrong, learn from it and sit back and wait for the reasons to come to you. They are there, its just that sometimes they take their time to be realised by us.

Why is this happening?

2009-08-07T00:34:00.000-07:00

We all have days where we want to shout at the sky "Why is this happening?"

Well I always add something to that, because I may not understand the reason why something is happening but I know I am supposed to be learning from it and that everything happens for a reason. However awful and crap it feels at the time, so I always add "What am I supposed to be learning from this?" You can still yell it in a Grrr kind of way.

I am having one of those moments right now.

I had this vision that we could connect local business men and women in a social evening to show case and support local businesses and to support local charities by giving them a couple of big sacks of cash. But with the added bonus that the charities would get to raise their profile and the people attending could get some fabulous "Wow" factor prizes from the event for their efforts. Great eh?

As you can imagine the work to put this together has been immense, however when I think about the tireless work of social enterprises and charities and their dogged determination to help and make things better for others it has always spurred me on.

I am passionate about my business, my family, and me and I wanted to extend my determination and passion to 2 local charities that I feel very passionate about.

Little Havens Children's Hospice is a charity that creates a valuable and essential life line to the families as well as the children, and with two children of my own I hope and pray that I never need their services, but passionately care about every child on this planet so that is why I wanted to support them.

Colchester Mind supports local people experiencing mental health stress from mild anxiety to full on depression. And I know about this first hand. I never ever use the word depressed to describe my state of mind having suffered from severe clinical depression 5 years ago. Colchester mind was the key to me getting better and being better than the person I was before so I passionately wanted to give them a huge sack of cash and help support their great work.

However this is where my "What am I supposed to be learning from this" question comes in.
Because we have had over a £1000 worth of fabulous items come our way for the auction from Ex Prince Andrews chef cooking a valentine's meal in your own home with uniformed staff, to hot stone therapies and flying a plane. People have been knocking on the email door requesting stands for donations of £50 and yet we have not sold all the tickets at half that price. And I do not understand the reason why. (Obviously if we do not sell most of the tickets then the event could not proceed and we would have to refund everyone who has already supported this event with ticket & stand purchases.)The work involved in that does not worry me (although it will grate a bit) more the "Why"

There are lots of obvious things I can learn from this, but what is puzzling me is "What has stopped my from helping these charities?" I am not so worried about the logistics of the event rather the "How can I still go on to support, promote and give you sacks of cash?"

I do not know the answer to this yet. I do not know whether the charity night will go ahead. I do know that if it does it will be great (we have a fabulous toast master running the proceedings) however if it does not then I am sure we can talk to all our donaters (thats not people that eat donuts that's people who donate) and ask them if we may use their prizes in other ways. So we have the prizes, we have some great people who want to support this event, now its time to think.

What's going to happen? I do not know.
How am I going to make these big sacks of cash? I am not sure.
What will I do? I am thinking.
"What am I supposed to learn from this?" Well the most important thing I have learnt so far is that I am a very determined positive person who will find a way. I do not know the answer yet but perhaps I have not asked the right question.

Off to find my answers....

Beyond skin deep - What really matters.

2009-07-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

Something very important has changed for me, and it all happened out of the most unusual of things.

I can not tell you the exact reason why, but circumstances occurred so that I ran out of Evening Primrose Oil just at the wrong time of the month so that my face erupted with spots the size of pyramids big enough to house whole civilisations of microorganisms (better check you spelt that one right Mandie) just at the same time that either I lost the ability to explain myself properly to my hairdresser or she too was having a time of the month kind of a day, because I seem to have a hair cut cross between Elvis and Cherie Blair. Now on Reese Wetherspoon that would not be a problem, but the above combo does not do wonders for the way I look.

But what is very unusual is my attitude to this. Usually I would feel like hiding away, and there is no better excuse since the school holidays have just begun. With a mud mask permanently attached to my face and a hat welded to my head. But I have no desire to do this.

Usually I would feel less like attending networking meetings or if I did not feel my normal level of bubbly confidence and only listen and answer others questions, but I don't feel like that as I get ready to go out right now. I normally would be drawn to hiding behind my book as I talk to a client but I have been completely forgetting the spots on my face that if they were diamonds my hubby would be in my best books if he came home with.

And I know what has changed and I am beginning to understand the reason why too.

Firstly the person inside me I have finally begun to really like. I accept that I am not perfect and I like me. I actually like me. I know I have weaknesses, I know I have strengths and I finally hear people's compliments. No matter what happens to the outside of my body, inside me is the same me.

Secondly because I have been forth right in raising my profile and promoting my business I have had so many great opportunities come my way. Of which none of them I have said no to. This can lead you to do things that are bit like"Why am I doing this?" but it always works out that something leads from these things at the very least. And from these new experiences I have lots of lovely people say great things about me. The funny thing is that people have been saying nice things about me for over 35 years and yet until now I have not listened.

No diamond size spots or dodgy hair cuts are going to affect the brilliant light of a person that I am. I am going to spend more time appreciating the person that I am on the inside and worry even less about spots and hair cuts (wobbly bits are not even getting a look in.) And I know that this is working because as I look in the mirror my eye is not drawn to my blemishes and my imperfections but to my gorgeous shoes and my heart shaped necklace. The necklace is a visual reminder to me of what is important is what is on the inside, and sorry shoes that does not mean you either!

Speical offers for a special month.

2009-07-27T05:21:00.001-07:00

This time last year business was just begininning to be what I wanted it to be. I was on a steep learning curve and through these expereicnes I have met some wonderful people who have really supported me and given me ideas or opportunities to progress and achieve what I want out of my business.

What I did not appreciate last year (that I really understand this year) is that a part of this was that I could take time off over August and not feel too much guilt because yes I should have been "out there" promoting me and my business but if I took time off it was not going to impact on my work load or effect my work life balance too much. This year on the hand its a different matter!

Children and business make a tricky combination at the best of times. And this has really helped me appreciate how brilliant I am at juggling business and mother hood but the holidays because they are longer than two weeks are making me think very differently.

Normally I would have a primary school teacher of a sister with 6 weeks to do nothing in ( yes teachers around the world I am joking, I know very well the excessive mounds of paperwork you have to tackle as well as term plans, and lesson planning, etc) but she is busy this year cooking the twins. Only a few weeks to go i might add. We have all wrote in her diary when we think the babies will arrive, and I just pray it is not the day of the Charity Auciton and bring a man networking night. Over a 100 local business men and women creating business and raising money for local charities and I have this vision of me having to ask the toast master to announce "We regret to annouce that the events organiser is leaving us because she has somewhere more important to be!" Not quite what I have planned. So, twins please stay in there until Saturday 22nd of August because Auntie Mandie would be very grateful.

So my normal helping hands are out of action. My Parents are being great. Although I do like to count my childrens fingers when they leave because grandad is there best mate and takes them out to his workshop to "play" Being a mum I have different ideas to playing to him. I imagine footballs and lego he gives them hacksaws and hammers. It makes a play date with grandad exciting for them and a mystery as to how many fingers my children will have when I collect them.

So I find myself thinking very differently with regards to my schedule. Normally I arrange meetings and network events during school hours. Now I am networking evenings and arranging meetings at various times of the day. This helped me to appreciate two things.

Firstly that I have a great hubby that will happily support me so that I can continue to do what I passionately enjoy so much.

Secondly working different hours means that I can be even more flexible for my clients, there by offering them an additional service.

So with that in mind I am offering a 25% discount off of all phone coaching between 5pm and 8pm for the month of August. If you fancy trying something original and new to support you and to help you get what you want out of your personal or professional life then why not give coaching a go. Its great for when you don't know where you should be concentrating your efforts, are you heading in the right direction doing what you want to be doing? Do you wonder what else you could be doing?

Working with me you can establish what you want to achieve, how you are going to achieve it and together we will work out what you need to do and get it done.

Lets all work and live to our full potential, even if that does mean working differently and even knowing when to stop.

Its a woman thing - be prepared!

2009-07-18T00:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I learnt a valuable lesson.

As a Mum, but foremostly as a woman, we have an uncanny ability to be prepared for any eventuaility. At a networking event in a roomful of women I am sure I could shout out random items and someone would have one, or be able to make one from the items at the depths of their handbag in a Ray Mears stylee. Okay so a man might argue that that's because our handbags are now so large that when we arrive at departures they slap an outsized baggage sticker on it. I would argue better they stick it on my gorgeous bag than on my butt!

As a mum you quickly learn (or fail miserably and get the disappointed look of your child glaring at you) that children very well may know about a party 2 weeks in advance but they will give you the party invite less than 3 hours before the party begins. And yet we will still produce a beautfully wrapped perfect present and card with 5 seconds to go as if we possessed Harry Potter's skills!

(That's another thing. I wonder why can't men wrap presents? They have a unique skill to wrap a box into the shape of a sateillite dish with a giraffe sat on the top. I suppose as cave men there was not much need to be able to arrange throw cushions or wrap presents nicely, just throw a spear acurately and be our brave warrior heros. Secretly there is something I love about the old black and white films with the old style hero and the high heeled 1940s dressed women that fainted at the sight of a dead body into the arms of the hero. Now there's a post for another day!)

Krypton Factor should come back with a Mum special. Could you imagine it? Mums dashing round Sainsburys entertaining a 2 year old, while unwrapping a bannana for a 4 year old, while replying to an email on their blackberry and missing the spill in aisle 4 and all in the process of finding their loyalty card in the bottom of their bag the size of Bournemouth and beating the woman with the trolley stacked past her nose to the shortest queue in checkout 16.

But all joking aside, it's not just a case of an ability to multi task, it's an in-built ability to be prepared for anything. In the back of my car I have everything from roller blades and wellies, to carrier bags, blankets, warning triangles and tents. So you guessed it if I break down in the mountains I can build protection, wrap up warm and rollerblade to the bottom for help while leaving my warning triangle out to warn others of the obstruction ahead. Okay so it may not happen but as us women like to say "You never know" We are prepared for anything ........ or so I thought.

Yesterday I saw a client first thing, a quick hour in the office then I was meeting a wonderfully inspirational business woman for lunch, followed by my children's leavers assembly and networking in the evening. I was wearing a black dress with a cute bright cardigan with matching 'I loved at first sight' heels. If it was the dog or the heels I would have to think for half a second about what to rescue first (only joking stupadog!) Perfect for my day.... or so I thought.

When I met this lady for lunch she wanted to show me around these wonderful gardens that will be the location for a fantastic project that she is a part of. As we strolled around the lily dotted lakes and under the beautiful old trees admiring the ages old manicured gardens I walked on something that looked like a grassless patch, in actual fact I sank about 3 inches. If it had been my perfectly petite friend I may have had to go back to my car and get the search light and tow rope to get her out! But my poor shoes and yes Mandie that is mud squelching between your toes - mmmm nice. (Before I contine with this I feel I should make you aware that no shoes were harmed in the making of this blog, they cleaned up beautifully thanks to some spa towels that my friend insisted I used to restore my gorgeous heels with.)

Later that day I arrived at the networking event only to discover there was nowhere to park within a 10 minutes walk. I love my new shoes but I had been in them since 8am and I really didn't want to do that. And you know how we don't like to be parted with objects of beauty.

There was physically lots of parking but none allowed to be used by actual people or cars! (and they wonder why city centres are losing trade!) I smiled sweetly at a restaurant owner to let me park in his car park and promised to return for some tapas, but even his staff have nowhere to park! So I found a car park and strolled to the event ignoring the fact that the feet were yelling "we are a tad tired, any chance of some slippers?"

Ha Ha. The networking event was in this lovely secret garden behind their offices. People were under trees sipping wine and eating sausages from the barbie, until that was the 3rd thunderstorm of the day started. With true Brit style we continued regardless, with the fatal words "I don't think it will be much" at which point the sky turned yellow and buckets of water started being dropped on us. My friend had left her bag open, it took four of us to lift it and get the water out so that we could dash for cover! (Okay so maybe I exaggerate a little)

Looking at the sky in any direction it was not going to stop off any time soon, so I knew that I was now in for a soaking. And this is where my ramblings have brought me to thinking. I had one of two ways of looking at this situation. I couldn't leg it in heels and I was not going to run barefeet across Colchester. So I could either groan and get my head down and pray to be back at the car as quick as poss or I could stroll home as if it was a beautiful summer's evening smiling at people huddled in doorways. The latter was so much more fun!

As I strolled along swinging my handbag I made comments to people like. "I think it might rain you know" and "Oh that was close I nearly stepped in that puddle!" People's miserable "Oh its raining again its going to ruin my night out" faces turned into smiles. The amount of people that chatted and told me where they were heading and what they were going to do when they got there. One woman even wanted to know my secret to being so happy and asked for my business card! Who would have thought that?

You get to choose all your life how you look at any situation. It is something in you that gets you to see an occasion in a negative or positive way, but the important point is this. You can decide that whatever happens however awful it feels you can decide to turn it around. I believe that everything happens for a reason. And as harsh as that sounds and as rubbish as it may feel now years later you think about the past and you can see if that had not happened I would not be doing what I am getting to do now.

Years ago I had severe clincial depression. I was a very sick bunny. At the time the world had stopped and could not see a way out. I thought it would kill me. But now I know that I am the person I love to be today because of the experiences I have been through - primarly that one.

So now when things are not going right I always ask myself what am I supposed to be learning here?

I learnt yesterday however prepared you think you are, you can still get caught out. But the way I made so many people smile as I strolled home in a thunderstorm and the look on my family's face when I dripped in the door is priceless. And had I had my brollie and my wellies I would have missed out on all that. Getting caught out was actually the best thing that could have happened. And no, before you ask, thanks to a diet packed with Vit C and a passion for garlic there is not a sniffle in sight. I don't 'do' colds. Thats a mind over matter thing that I will tell you about another day.

Have fun.

Glossy mags that work for you

2009-07-12T00:55:00.000-07:00

Someone gave me a copy of Good Housekeeping - My first response was "I may not have the waist of a 10 yr old boy and wear Yassar Arafat style scarves regardless of the temperature - but I'm not that old!"

But as I flicked through from the back. Yes the back. I thought this was a tad odd too - but I found someone that does the exact same thing, and we discovered that we had sooo much in common and instantly hit it off - something psychological going on there me thinks.

It reminded of when I recently attended a marketing seminar. Learning things like how long it takes you to decide if you like a website, less than 3 seconds apparently! (That's not the most motivational news for any of you thinking of re-designing your website is it?) and how we see a hint of red first, and read in an F pattern (odd!) or that if you send out a 1000 leaflets your average return rate will be 2! Yes just 2, so think carefully whether THAT'S the best course of action for your business before you head off to the printers!

It got me thinking about how we are actively encouraged to think in different ways, to feel different things all the time. External influences are at it all the time, and whether you think you're paying attention and give a rat's hoot about the size of a z lists celebrity's butt, the fact is your subconscious quietly stored that info away. And depending on the person you are will depend on how that information gets stored and treated.

If you have had the experiences in your life to reinforce the person you are and to build your confidence then you WILL treat this info as worthless and it gets filed away in your subconscious deleted file, but if you look in the mirror and your eyes are drawn to the wrinkly bit of skin under your arm, or the laughter lines (yes laughter lines not deep groove wrinkles that need made up biohydrowhatsit technology!) then your subconscious will put a level of importance on that image and store it close to hand. And what does THAT do for your confidence?

As I flicked through the pages of this glossy I noticed a big difference to my normal glossies that I choose. The lack of the 'eat banana vines before midday' and a 'solution of chilli, Sarsons vinegar and juiced berries from the foothills of the Andes at bedtime' diet. The "I lost 3 stone and found the real me" stories. The lack of criticise and soul destroy the celebrity and successful people pages and the lack of 'I am a celeb and I do the hoovering to keep my bum firm and thighs like elongated sausages' - yeah right!! but a lot of hey "you are already great" instead.

Okay so I am not so interested in where to get an old suitcase repaired or where to get the perfect secateurs (although I was chuffed with finding out how to get stains out, since I have a muck monkey for a daughter) but I love this attitude. I love the don't change you, just understand the person you are and do more of that.

I went to a fabulous seminar yesterday with a guy that is the male version of me in everything he believes and does to get what he wants out of life and he spoke a lot about congruence and Good Housekeeping is singing this from the roof tops.

Congruence is about being what you are meant to be. Saying, feeling and acting in the same way. Have you noticed how on occasion everything seemed to flow? It felt natural, like this is what was meant to happen. That's not luck that's congruence at work.

How can you create this state so that your life flows naturally to whatever you want to achieve and succeed at?

Before you read another glossy or admire another B - List lounging in a castle on a fluffy white rug. Think about you.

What's important to you? What do you like doing? What are your dreams and aspirations?

Because if you understand what is important you will be able to appreciate that half the glossy magazine does not even apply to you. You may think it would be nice to have a butt like a 15 yr old school girl, but if you hate the gym, you and your parents are shaped like beach balls and you love Ben and Jerrys ice cream how much happiness is this butt going to create for you? Think of the pressure you would be creating for yourself to be someone that is not congruently you.

The opposite can be true too - Have you noticed how something "just clicked" and you instinctively knew what to do? The reason? You were listening to you, what is important to you, what you believe, what your values are - In other words you were congruent to everything that is important to you. Don't live your life admiring other peoples lives, get the life you want and you won't find it in any glossy magazine.

If you do one thing differently today make it the decision to listen to what is important to you. Professionally and personally you deserve to succeed in everything you do - Get Congruent, get Results!

Reality & Judgements - Who's? Mine or Yours?

2009-06-16T12:07:00.000-07:00

Last week we took the children to see Hannah Montana the movie. There were many outcomes to this. Firstly pop songs that you end up humming as you shake hands with a client or during an important "Come on Mandie time to look like a grown up" meeting.

Secondly a (becoming worryingly desperate) desire to learn the rest of the hoe down throw down - well really how is it my 5 year old daughter can get it and I end up with too many feet and not enough legs when I get on to "the shuffle in diagonal, when the drum hits"......aaahhhh! See it takes over.

I am going off at a tangent here but have you noticed how annoyingly addictive some music is? To the point where a few times of hearing it you find you are actually tapping along to it. What is happening there? Is there some kind of subliminal message laid under the words saying something like "You love me, you love me, buy my merchandise, buy my merchandise, write to the producer and beg for more"? If there is this ability I wonder where else this is being employed? Behind Take That's happy music on the ad is there a "secret message?"Saying "this music is making you feel happy, spend more, spend more. You will feel happy if you spend more in our store" on a continual loop? and if so I wonder if I may get the necessary electronics and put my own secret words to music. Mmmmm I am starting to think big here...

Firstly I would have a secret message in Hannah Montanna and High School Musical especially for my daughter saying "I am really tired and I wish to brush my teeth instead of the bathroom wall with pink toothpaste, go to sleep instead of getting teddy to wear my nightie and stop trying to sniff my brothers feet while he sleeps"
And the second message would be in my hubby's C.D in the car saying "I want to buy my wife flowers, cook tea, wash the floors, tell my wife she is the most beautiful women in the world and actually have something interesting to say when my wonderful wife tells me about her day, oh and I never want to leave socks on the stairs again" Okay so I am really lucky, I do get the flowers and he is a whiz in the kitchen as long as I don't ask for salad, apparently salad is only a garnish you are not supposed to eat it - who knew?

So where was I - oh yes the outcome of seeing Hannah Montanna. During the film I got a very important phone call. My sister is my best friend (if you don't include my hubby) and she is expecting twins. I could explode with happiness about this for so many reasons. Firstly she is a fantastic fairy godmother to my children and would do anything for them. Secondly I know she will make a wonderful Mum and thirdly I GET TO BE AN AUNTIE!! How cool is that? For 8 and half years I have had to be the sensible one - well when I say sensible that kind of suggests a maturity and I am not sure that that will ever be the case. But I am the one that has to say "Come on no more death defying leaps onto your Auntie time for bed, you have school in the morning" and " No Granddad, I don't think it is a good idea to give our son milk & Orange, chocolate and cream cake and spin him round like - eugh! that's why!"

But this pregnancy has been just awful. There is no way of making it sound any different it just has. My sister for years has been describing the clothes that she would wear when she was pregnant, how her bump would be on display. Instead she has been very poorly and so have the twins, resulting in a life saving operation for them. Its hard to think about the kind of shorts you are going to wear with a tankini this summer to show off your bump when you have been through what she has recently. And because we are so incredibly close - we have been through every step with her.

We had booked our tickets to see Hannah weeks in advance and because the urgency of my sisters operation it worked out that as I sat down with two very excited children and a excited Hubby (he does like a hoe down throw down!) in the dark while my sister was finding out if the twins were still alive. Keep busy was my motto, so I ate popcorn with a mobile in my hand.

As the phone started I kind of flew out side and when I heard the news that there was still two heart beats and more importantly their little hearts were not damaged and miraculously they had gained weight. I don't think there are words that I could use to describe how I felt.

But as I left the cinema at the end of the film. I realised that I was crying. I had just left Hannah Montana surrounded my young giggly girls sobbing. What must people of thought?

This got me thinking how many times have we snapped an image in our mind and come to the wrong conclusion? Anyone outside the Odean must of thought I was a delicate soul sobbing at Hannah Montana. Am I? Hardly.

I have found since then I am slowing down the judgements I make, with great results. It has been especially useful when meeting new people in business environments. I confessed this new found wisdom to a businesswomen the other day and she then shared with me how she was beginning to appreciate this too. She had assumed that the person that she had sat next to for the last hour at a networking breakfast would not be interested in what she did and so she had concentrated on what they did and had not mentioned her work. As they got up to leave he requested a meeting with her to discuss how she could help his business. Holding back judgement has had a similar effect for me. Some one that I thought would dismiss coaching as something that they didn't do" - contacted me out of the blue and arranged to meet me. I know that this was as a direct result of my change in attitude.

How many times have you not received a reply to an email and have assumed you have done something to offend them? and never found the courage to pick up the phone and find out? Or looked at some one immaculate or dressed in a track suit and thought I won't have nothing in common with you.

How many times a day do we assume we know what people are thinking? What we are seeing is correct? There is a saying that there is no such thing as reality only everyone's interpretation of it..... and I for one am beginning to wonder.

You only have to look at my stupadog Max to see this. To the untrained eye he looks like a springer spaniel, and Max is pure pedigree (apparently). Springer's are working dogs, used for hunting, etc - Mine is currently watching a mother fox and her five cubs bounce & sniff their way around our garden. Theoretically I should be ashamed but I like foxes and I like my dog just the way he is. The mother fox obviously knows we mean her and her children no harm because she sees Max's face at the window and carries on feeding her babies.

For me this is a visual reminder of my Hannah Montana moment. First Impressions are essential, as we tend to form an idea of a person within 60 seconds of meeting them, usually regardless of what is coming out of their mouths. So you need to appreciate this, however what conclusions could you draw if you held back on your judgement? I have my visual reminder of my stupadog and since the last thing I do before I leave the house is stroke his head - I know my delayed judgement thought will be at the fore front of my mind - what about you?

What Are You Assuming & Missing Out on?

2009-06-14T00:49:00.000-07:00

I have met some wonderful people this week at various events. But the more I talked to people the more I was able to appreciate something that seems to be inherent in far too many of us.

Why is it that we assume that what we can do (and are very good at) everyone else can do, But what we can't do everyone else can?

If you think about this. This constantly puts the rest of the universe in a better position than yourself, an odd place to choose to place yourself don't you think? Because I certainly would not want this for any of my friends, family, business associates or clients - so why have I been doing this to myself?

For me I had assumed that everyone can clear their daily email mountain & in tray (including the revolting job!) Meet clients and still have time to be a business ambassador at a local school all before 3.00 in the knowledge that before 9.00 I had played Teacher, done 2 washes, cleared the ironing and still had time to stroll to school in the sun. So that after school I can play with the children, bake cookies and have the energy to cook a nice tea and still read a story at bedtime and learn the rest of Hannah Montana's Hoedown Throwdown & play ball with 'Stupadog' for half an hour. Super Mum? No, of course not, just a very organised person with far too much energy for one human being.

We are very quick to be aware of our faults. For instance I think people see my energy and enthusiasm for everything as annoying and false and so don't believe that I am genuine. But I am learning to appreciate that is not the case.

Its my energy and enthusiasm that is part of me, that makes me unique and wonderful. But assuming that everyone else can achieve the same as you, denies you your skills and abilities.

I was asked to talk to a roomful of over a hundred 15 year olds on a topic relating to the workshop that was being run with as much notice as it takes to unzip my new handbag. I did it, I enjoyed it and it prompted people to come and talk to me.

Easy. But was it?

I know lots of people that I have coached and that I know personally that fear talking to a room full of people more than getting on a plane. Apparently its the forth biggest fear. So I now appreciate that this is not a skill that everyone has. That does not mean to say that everyone could not do it, just that it is a skill that I already possess and that they have not learnt yet.

The other point here is that if you do struggle with a skill you assume that everyone else can already do it. Cold calling for instance - So many people hate it with a passion, they would rather visit the dentist than pick up the phone. Or walking into a roomful of strangers and walking up to someone and saying "Hi." People do stay at home instead of attending. But if you could see a sign over everybody in the rooms head that said what they were really thinking how many would have a sign saying "Let the floor open up and swallow me whole and get me outta here!" And how great would it be to know that you are not alone. How often have you told someone about something that you hate and you have felt a connection to that person because they have told you they feel the same?

So here's an idea for you. What could happen if from now on you acknowledged that you have skills that other people don't have and that things you are not very good at so are lots of other people. And a bonus thought here for you. Just because you are not good at something now it does not mean you can not learn to be good at it. If you are passionate and dedicated you can achieve anything - It's great to remember that.

So I am going to do just that. I will continue to have the energy of a classroom of five year olds I will continue to be interested and enthusiastic about everything, and I will acknowledge that being me is very unique and pretty cool - (and if you personally know me you would definitely say that there is no one quite like Mandie Holgate! I now see that as a great thing and a fantastic U.S.P!)

I hope you too can appreciate your U.S.P and the unique individual you already are.

Why do mints melt?

2009-05-17T01:17:00.000-07:00

My son is a bright spark. When he was 15 months old my hubby came home from work and asked "Why is our son running around the house shouting rotivator!" But this can have its draw backs. Firstly from a young age we couldn't tell a little white lie and get him into bed early because he knew the real time. Secondly he remembers everything. If my mum moves a vase to a different window sill or moves a plant pot he notices it. Which is very handy when you are trying to rebuild a room before your sister returns but not so handy when he remembers a knickknack he made has been disappeared or conversations from 2 years ago and can even tell you where you were sat and what you wearing!

But one thing I had not really bargained for was his questions. I know all children ask all sorts of odd, bizarre and impossible to answer questions at some time or another, but my son at 8 still asks at least one a day, and one of the reasons I am rapidly going off of this is because it makes me feel a bit thick. Yes I did well at school but science, history and geography info has been filed far back in the recesses of my mind to make way for relevant info that as you can imagine doesn't include why is metal cold and what is the distance to Saturn. Thankfully half of the time we are at home so thanks to my best friend Google I can find out the exact temperature of the sun, or how many stars there are. (The answer to those two in case your interested is very hot and a lot!)

But when we are on the way to school I don't have google to hand (curse the lack of a Blackberry - I am not allowed one, my hubby says I am a workaholic as it is. He's argument is that when we first got married he threw my Filofax down the stairs at 2 o'clock in the morning because I had remembered a job and wanted to write it down. Yes I know very unreasonable and thus he dreads the thought of what would be unleashed on society if I was permanently attached to the world. My answers would for ever more be "mmmmm" "yes dear" and"that sounds great") so with no Blackberry and no Google I have to think fast.

However when you are mentally checking that you shut the dining room door because the cake is in there and you don't want the dog to eat it (again), you have picked up Sophie's ballet bag, you have remembered the sat nav AND the address of your client and did I pay for the school trip? there is not a great deal of room for "Why do mints melt?" Right now I am trying to recreate the look that must come on my face when one of these questions comes at me like a party popper in the face. It must be a cross between "Ow I hurt myself" and "my brain has been removed, who am I?"

But this did get me thinking because I wonder if he is a coach in the making. His ability to ask questions that really get you thinking about a subject that has been staring you in the face is amazing. Another example of his coaching skills that made me so proud. We have a new game for the Wii and my daughter is as adept at it as her Mum, and she was shouting "grrrr I am rubbish at this - I can't do it!" To which my son replied " If you believe you can do it - you will. Come on Soph I think you can do it, let's look at what's happening." How cool is that? Motivation and support from your 8 year old brother.

Because that's what coaching is about. Its about asking the right questions and supporting you to find them, create them and achieve them. And in all honesty if everyone in their lives learnt to ask not just the right questions but in the right way, it could be surprising how you start to see different results.

"Asking the right questions takes as much skill as giving the right answers." Robert Half . You said it Robert.

Women + cameras = Fast moving women in opposite direction.

2009-05-10T00:11:00.000-07:00

Any one that knows me knows that I have been wetting myself (not literally thankfully) about a photo shoot I had to do. I am often helping my clients appreciate the importance of making their website, and promotional information personal and unique to them, because this is essential. To really stand out and make people think "mmmm I like her I want to work with her."

Again people that know me, know that I am always saying "people do not buy from businesses they buy from PEOPLE" So you are an important equation in your business success. So I knew that the pictures of me that exist on the world wide web were not the best they could be (unlike me) and something had to be done about it. And as I also say "what ever you want to do the least is the thing you need to do first"

But what is it about women and having their photos taken? A really stunning lady I know told me the other day that her hubby complains that he looks like a single dad in their holiday snaps because she is always behind the camera! How bizarre is that?

And in all in honesty when I booked my photo shoot I went back through our albums and realised that percentagely (yes its a made up word - why not?) I am only in about 10% of the photos. Okay I am no Heidi Klum, but people don't generally run down the streets screaming "aaahhh my eyes, my eyes" after meeting me in the street. In a 1950's style alien attack stylee. So why do I hide behind the camera?

I realised that although I am a confident business woman, maybe my confidence in me is not as great as it could be?

In the past I had coaching to help me build my confidence and it worked. I now have the confidence to walk into a room full of strangers, determined to meet people and get to know them. Confident in the knowledge that I am nice to know and a pleasure to talk to. Not my words but I have open ears to hear the compliments that I didn't have when I lacked self belief and confidence. Yes I get nervous when I stand up in front of a hundred people. I am normally thinking "can they see my heart pumping out of my chest?" but I have the confidence and self belief that they have paid to see me and want to hear what I have to say. So smile, share and enjoy it.

But maybe that confidence has slipped a bit or I have not developed my personal confidence as well as I have my professional confidence. With this in mind I was determined to find the self belief in the person that I look like. A photographer told me that its vanity that stops women having their photo taken. but I disagree. If you don't feel confident in the way you look, the last thing you want is permanent reminders of it.

With these thoughts in my head you can imagine how nervous, and how many trips to the loo I made before my photo shoot. Not forgetting how many times I nearly phoned him. "Sorry I have a spot/broken nail/aversion to bright lights/a prior engagement with the dentist, I can't make it"

I even had an offer to go out on my dad's boat for the day, and since that's my idea of heaven. (So far out to sea, you nearly cant see land, no phones/laptops/jobs/kids/hubby (he gets sea sick on damp grass) I could have been easily tempted.

"But no Mandie" I thought, as I have always said "never ask others to do what you are not prepared to do yourself" So I packed my 4 outfits, with matching jewellery, my props, makeup and hair brush. Buffed, scrubbed, manicured, and preened myself. Acknowledged that for some reason my fringe did not want to sit anywhere near my forehead (for the first time in 35 years!) and got in the car. First step accomplished!

I will not describe what my innards were doing, but needless to say I was not feeling in a relaxed smiley mood when I drove to the photographer. So you know what I did? I coached myself through it. Instead of thinking of the ordeal in front of me. I thought about how I wanted my website to look with my picture on it,and nothing else. I thought about how I wanted to feel when I left and drove home. I pictured a smiley, confident woman happy in the knowledge that her website pictures were fab.

And do you know what? I think (mmmmm I actually stopped typing and thought about this) I enjoyed it. Not at first. At first I felt very self conscious and daft. I hate fuss and this was definitely fuss. But as I relaxed (thanks to a friendly, funny and great photographer) and he showed me the shots and realised the smiles on my face were genuine and I looked .........kinda nice.

And the best bit, is I when I got home I looked in the mirror and I saw a different woman. I couldn't see this grotesque disfigured uuuuggggllly woman. I saw someone with great cheekbones, friendly blue eyes and surprisingly not the biggest nose in the world.

So the photo shoot didn't just give me new pictures to adorn my website, social networking pages and promotional literature, it helped build my self belief. "Hey Mand, you are not the ugliest woman on the planet, you are pretty good looking" So the next time I see a camera, like last week at a networking event where I hid behind the person I was talking to" I will just smile. Heidi Klum I am not, I am Mandie Holgate and its pretty cool!

Treehousetastic! Changing our view - Changing our mind.

2009-05-04T07:04:00.000-07:00

Its bank holiday Monday the sun is trying to shine, but failing miserably and being someone that starts to freeze below 15 degrees Celsius, I have retreated to the house while the rest of the family seem oblivious to the lack of heat to the day and continue to build a tree house.

My main reason for helping was that it was fun, playing at the end of the garden watching the children paint each other (sorry I mean the tree house) and gleefully laughing as the realisation of their plans become a reality. As dad builds the ladder and I get splattered with paint. (will that come out before my meeting tomorrow morning I wonder? or will I have to go to see my client with blue skin from paint or blue skin from scrubbing it for 3 hours in the bath.) I can't deny its looking very cool.

When we discussed the idea of a tree house to go with the climbing frame, the decking (the kids not mine!) the summer house (again the kids not mine!) and the swing. I became a bit nervous about the scale of the thing. I was thinking quaint little tree house jutting out from the edge of the walnut tree, close enough to the cherry to enable the kids to collect cherries before the birds nick them all. But from pencil sketches to detailed to scale computer generated plans my nerves set in. "that looks a bit bigger than I was planning" I said while secretly thinking "we may need to get lights put at the top of this thing to allow planes to navigate round it!".

I love our garden, it's long with lots of different trees. From Cherry and apple to plum and walnut. There is a secret place to sit where no one can see you, as you sip a gin and tonic under the shade of a twisted willow. Sat on a big bench hidden away, able to enjoy the sun dappling through the trees and the birds are not so bothered by you, because you are hidden away in their domain. (and yes I did read the secret garden!)

This project made me realise that something that I was not good at until recently (and even now I have my moments) is the ability to let my hubby be in charge. When it comes to our home I am rather particular about it and I like to control exactly how it looks. I had wanted a Georgian themed white and green dining room with fret work shelves and cupboards, delicate and refined. My hubby saw some wallpaper in the bargain bin (its there for a reason!) that looked like Mediterranean style walls in a warm yellow. My plan went out of the window and I bent towards a Mediterranean style courtyard overlooking the sea through a field of vines painted by me. Okay so its not to everyone's taste, but actually I love it. Instantly I am transported to my favourite little vineyard in the South of France and I feel warm and in need of some garlic and some good wine. So I backed off (a big deal for control freak me) and let the plans take shape, and yes it was a scary thing to just say "yes guys, your plans look great I can't wait to see the finished project" when internally I was screaming "step away from my walnut tree!"

Hubby is grand in his ideas and plans so I knew it could turn out to bigger than our home and need its own post code! But I stuck to my goal, this was their project. My role was to paint what I was told, marvel at every stage and secretly love standing up high amongst the trees and see the world from a different angle. A secret place that is special and unique.

Its not just about being able to snoop over the fence. (Although our neighbours garden is so huge with an overgrown medley of vines and brambles and trees that I know where the family of foxes live.) Its about seeing the world in a different way. We have lived here for 5 years but I have never seen our house or the garden or the surroundings in this way before. I have a new appreciation for what we have and the way we live. All from just standing 7 foot higher in the air. That view has always been there, we just had never thought to look at it.

Think about that for a moment, what could you look at in a different way to get a different outlook or a different view on?

I know that I am going to look at things as if I was standing up high among the trees. Same location, different view point. and I am going to notice over the next few days. That's all. I don't need to change anything just notice.

2009-04-20T10:31:00.000-07:00

Need to kick start your business? Find your zest for life? Think Lego!

Last week was my son's 8th birthday. What he wanted more than anything else was Lego. From F1 Mclaren racing cars to Star Wars space ships. He has a real knack for them, deftly creating something amazing in half the time you would have hoped considering the amount of money the kits cost.

This got me thinking.

Firstly why is it no matter how much you check the floor for toys before commencing the hoovering there will always be a piece of Lego, a marble or one of Polly pockets shoes clanking around inside the hoover within 30 seconds? Amazing isn't it?

I believe there must be a black hole that opens up when I start hoovering and it spews out random bits of toy for me to spend 20 minutes sifting through the dusty, "O.M.G this is dead skin cells" dirt of the content of my hoover cylinder.

And no, bagless hoovers do not make this task easier. It just brings it to your distraught child's attention quicker. Where as you may have thought "Really how many shoes does Polly Pocket need? I'm sure she wouldn't miss one" Your daughter/Son is already imploring you to stop attempting to make the house look nice and try to get 20 more jobs done before you get tea started, and in actual fact you really want to spend 20 minutes going through the contents of your hoover.

The second thing that I thought, (was far nicer). As a child I too loved Lego. Okay technically I am just helping my son build things with it at this age. Technically at 35 I am not playing I am assisting my children - although if my husband is in the room too, my son quickly susses the safest option is to leave the room before his parents barge him out of the way and don't let him play with his own toys. He can be a right meanie you know.

The thing I loved about Lego is it did exactly what it said it would. You looked on the box, you found all the pieces inside and following the simple instructions, you too could build exactly what Lego had built. You could put your finished model next to the box and you would not be able to tell the difference.

How many toys as a child did you have that really could rise to this? How many times did you unwrap the cellophane and carefully open the box, only to be disappointed because there wasn't actually aliens clambering across the middle of the game, they had just added those on the front to make it LOOK exciting and amazing, when in actual fact the most exciting thing about the came was the sound the pop up dice made.

Lego doesn't play with you like this and never has. Ironically it is also the only present you receive that you are excited by the fact that it sounds like a very broken box of china. Under normal circumstances that noise, would get you walking as far a way from the Christmas tree as possible with a "that had nothing to do with me" look on your face.

What I wanted to share with you here was a great tip for you in your personal and professional life. Whether its concentrating on an area of your business or making changes in your personal life. THINK LEGO.

Don't just work out what you want and how you are going to get it. Try this. Imagine walking into a store and in every aisle there are thousands of boxes floor to ceiling and on every box is a picture of you. In each picture you are doing exactly what you want to do in some area of your life. Maybe you are stood by your dream car, in your ideal office location wearing just the perfect outfit looking amazing, or maybe you are lounging by a pool outside your idyllic home. Whatever your heart desires is in this store, just for you. Pick a box, don't get greedy now, come back another day for another one.

Now really think Lego. Describe that box cover to yourself in detail, know exactly what it looks like. Now open that box and follow those instructions. If you ever did Lego as a child you will know that although there maybe 30 pages of instructions to follow at every stage you only add about 5 pieces. So what 5 pieces are you going to add, today? if this sounds a bit daft, think about it from a different angle.

If I offered you every piece of Lego in the world and said you can build everything you want to. It would probably feel rather overwhelming. There are so many options to choose from where do you start? So back up and wander into your personalised Lego store, pick up a box, and follow the simple instructions. Don't try and build everything on the box today, just add 5 little pieces.

When you really think through what you want, you have a natural ability to head towards it. But it can still be a daunting job, so break it down, into little tiny pieces. and ask yourself this. I can see my completed image on the front of the box, what one thing could I do to work towards that?

I have a Lego box in front of me right now. It shows a picture of an office, with a fluffy "stupadog" at my feet and I am sat at my desk reading emails from around the world about everyone else's Lego boxes and I am smiling.

So don't look at everyone else's Lego boxes, wander through your own store and enjoy. Life should be more about playing and enjoying yourself right?

2009-04-06T03:01:00.000-07:00

Well the Easter Hols have started, and so here I am struggling to not let the "I should be's" get me.

As a business woman I love the way that with my chosen profession I can work the hours I want around my family, because ultimately I love being a Mum and I love being with and playing with my children. As I always say there is such a short time in their lives that they are little and that they actually WANT to be with me and I want to take advantage of every moment of that.

So in the school Hols I do my best to keep my diary free, when I do work I work iin the evening when they are in bed, or hubby can do playtime, or arrange a play date with grandad and nana, and thanks to the E world I can always find an hour to keep in touch with my business world.

Lets face it children dont notice you exist when they are in front of a Wii!

So this is all great for my children but the flip side is the worry about the effect this is having on my business. "I should be doing this" "I should be doing that" Can I really get away with not working everyday for two weeks and still have the successful business I want?

But who does that attitude help? It certainly does nothing for my mindset.The fact is that I am a good business woman, I am achieving what I want to, so I hold on to this knowledge. And do you know what? Building sandcastles and eating chips on the beach feels all the better for knowing that I can have the business I want and the fun I want with my children.

So when the "I should's" hit over the next two weeks I will smile knowing that everything is just fine.

I'd love to know how do you balance life, maybe not with children, but maybe with partners, hobbies, friends, or fitness. What ever it is do you always have the balance you would like? and how do you achieve it?Please share your ideas for a happy balanced successful life?I look forward to sharing with you via Twitter of Facebook.

Wishing you all a Happy Easter what ever you are doing.

Best Wishes,Mandie

Ive got what I wanted

2009-04-02T04:36:00.000-07:00

For those that know me I have had a scary few weeks. 2 weeks ago I was rushed to hospital unable to breathe suffering from severe chest pain. Everyone (including me) thought heart attack, which is near on impossible, I am healthy, fit and have never even tried a cigarette so it was unlikely, but E.C.Gs and chest x-rays ensured. 2 Weeks later I am no better, and thanks to the interesting breathing I feel like I am about to pass out all the time.

The answer? The doctor signed me off for 2 weeks and gave me scary float off to the ceiling tablets, which I wont take.

Well we are one week exactly into this "rest, put your feet up and enjoy doing nothing" fortnight, and I am NOT enjoying it.

I love walking through the park and running with my children, I like a tidy home, I like an empty wash basket and I love my job. Its a great job I spend hours talking to people helping them appreciate their strengths and understand and tackle their weaknesses. To watch people achieve things they always thought were unattainable is a great way to spend your time and I am so missing it.

This got me thinking (as I often do) about what we really want. Life has been so hectic recently with the launch of The Business Woman's Network, writing for magazines, seminars, workshops, Coaching and not forgetting my wonderful children and hubby, I have on the odd occasion listened to the sound of the alarm and thought "wouldn't it be nice to just ignore that and lay here all day" Well to the Mandie of 2 weeks ago "NO it would not be nice to lay here!"

If one good thing comes out of feeling this yuck I know that it is an even bigger appreciation of my life. I rarely go a day where I do not look at my children or hug my hubby and not think "aren't I lucky" but now I can really appreciate everything.

I have my goals laid out for where I am taking my business and the business ventures that I am involved in, but I now appreciate that although I have not reached these yet I am enjoying the journey.

It made me think. How often are we looking into the distance at what we want to achieve, own or create that maybe we don't take the time to notice what we already have achieved, what we already have and do bring into this world and the peoples lives that surround us?

So today stop for a

moment and think, "What do I appreciate?" Its great to have goals and ambitions but if you are constantly looking over the horizon will you end up treading on and damaging what you already have?

So as I sit here in bed and think "Oh no, another week yet and no sign of improvement" I am also thinking.

What a great life I lead, and what a great opportunity to stand back and appreciate what is already around me. But don't worry I can still clearly see the horizon and I know its as bright and sunny as the here and now.

If only we could see it.

2009-03-08T05:25:00.000-07:00

The other day I was chatting with friends and one of my friends commented on how trendy I was looking today, admittedly I was feeling great, wearing a new short skirt and a cute designer jacket and leather boots, but her comment about me having great legs was completely ignored by me. My reply was "I think you have great legs and I would love to have hair as gorgeous as yours."

Why had I not heard her compliment? which led me to wonder "Did she hear mine about her?" I bet she didn't, and if she did she didn't believe it. I was even able to give her an example of the cute dress and leggings she had had on the previous week, but I bet she dismissed my compliment as quickly as I dismissed hers. Why is this?

Okay so there are people who say things that they think people want to hear for various reasons, to be liked, to get on the persons good side etc But for most of the time most of us, give a compliment because we notice something nice and want to say it. Its that simple. If I see someone carrying a gorgeous bag - I will tell her (and secretly imagine it on my arm!) because its nice for someone to compliment us isn't it?

If it is why do we ignore them so often?

Women especially seem to only notice their bad points, instead of rose tinted glasses we seem to have the opposite - What would they be I wonder? manure coloured perhaps?

This led me to wondering, women are affected by so many external influences, what the celebs are wearing, what the mags say IS fashionable, What the shops tells us we SHOULD be wearing. I wonder do these external influences undermine our ability to trust our own judgment on things? Do these restrict us from believing that we too are beautiful because we don't conform to a magazine cover?

So here's an idea - What would happen if we all believed all the compliments we are given from now on. I wonder how long before we would be less critical of our lumpy bits when we look in the mirror, and maybe we might even start to notice the shining luscious hair and radiant smile first instead of the cellulite under the bingo wings.

I for one am going to give it a try. Hey here's another thought - would the criticism from the outside world feel so detrimental to our well being if we have raised the level of our own belief about ourselves?

If you are going to give this a go, I will give you a piece of advice that I learnt from a very wonderful, inspiration and successful woman. if you cant accept the compliment with the simple word "Thank you" just say nothing at all.

So what do you say?

Give it a go - Hear every compliment from this moment on, and learn to shine from the inside out. If you shine enough you wont even be able to see the cellulite through all that light!

Id love to hear how this goes for you - and I will let you know how I get on too.

Have fun shining!

2009-02-18T03:42:00.000-08:00

Melons are parts of a woman's body?

"Tesco, the UK supermarket, couldn’t sell big, fleshy melons. Research by a psychologist suggested that women were subconsciously comparing them with their breasts. So Tesco’s growers have been asked for melons no more than 1lb 3oz in weight, which equates to a C cup (Daily Telegraph 1999)"

I saw this and it made me wonder?

When we go shopping what else have supermarkets, consumer groups and psychologists decided we need to see, hear and feel when we go shopping? and taking that one step further where else are these studies put into practice?

Its not me worrying about a big brother environment, more the case if I knew about the outcome of these studies could I control my shopping patterns, my moods or my ability to return from a shopping trip not feeling like a fat heifer because I am not a size 6?

Wouldn't it be great if you could always return from a shopping trip regardless of how many gorgeous bags you are carrying and feel great?

But then I just remembered I have that ability. Its just a case of whether I decide to put it into practice or not.

I am currently looking for a gorgeous suit - But as yet its not materialised, but despite 3 unsuccessful shopping trips. I am not remotely dejected. Firstly I have enjoyed a stroll around the shops, secondly I have managed 2 meals out, thirdly a couple of gorgeous dresses have been bought, fourthly I bumped into some friends and enjoyed impromptu coffee, and lastly but most importantly a big trip to Lakeside beckons!

If I get no suit will I get dejected? No - and do you know why?
There is always a reason to why things happen, it would just mean my dream suit is not at lake side. Coaching has taught me that there is always another answer I just don't know it yet, and I really enjoy trying new options and getting what I want. So where ever you are dynamic outfit I will find you.

And how this relates to melons? Well the next time I am in the shops I will be wondering what subliminal messages are being sent my way?

2009-02-01T08:30:00.000-08:00

S.A.D
What does that stand for again? Oh yes Seasonal affected disorder isint it? I reackon it could also be sad and depressed or so against dark days. Do you note from my tone my lack of normal enthusiasm and energy? Well there are few reasons for this.

Firstly Hubby has flown back off to the other side of the world - a girl could get a complex about that you know!

Secondly we have had another day of freezing temperatures and the heating on so high the boiler is demanding rights to 4 weeks holiday and sick pay. When the weather is like this ( and now we are sat in a snow blizzard!) I just want to curl up in bed with laptop and book any holiday out of here. I would even consider a larger and chips spain holiday if it included sun and warmth.

I am not the kind of person that thinks there is no such thing as bad weather just bad clothing I am the kind of person who never wants to wear a cagool or wellies and would happily burn thermals too. I like the sun, strolling along the beach and building sand castles with the kids.

Making snowmen would be fine if it was only 30 degrees warmer!

My son doesnt get my hate of the snow. I sometimes question my lack of britishness with regards to the white stuff. May be it comes from 9 years of working in the car trade and knowing how badly cars stay on the road up the right way. Maybe its because I fell over when I was 20 and spent the next 3 months laying on my back, or perhaphs it comes from boating with icles hanging off of the handrails or maybe its because its too just too cold and wet for my liking.
What ever the reason, for about half a milli second I think "mmmm that looks pretty" and the rest of the time I am thinking "er cold" It brings my mood down to miserable faster than two kids can when they walk in the house from school and trash the place in 3 seconds. "What house work"

Oh well I have had my moan, I will concentrate on the fact that I have daffodils in a vase in the front room, and when walking the dog yesterday I noticed tiny buds sprouting up and baby shoots poking their heads out of the ground. Now they must know something I dont, so spring MUST be on the way - So perhaps S.A.D could stand for Spring against Depression. I like it. Sunshine, beaches and barbies are nearer than they felt an hour ago, Snow what snow - Its barmy tropical evening here in the holgate home.

Hey I think I am getting some of my normal energy and enthusiasm coming back. A bath and a battle on the wii could be due. "Harry, Sophie Mummy is going to whip your butts at Raymans Ravin Rabbids dance game again!"...

Daddy returns to civilisation - Well the Holgates home version of it!

2009-01-25T03:46:00.000-08:00

Well Daddy has been away and has been much missed by me and the kids, but now he briefly returns from his far flung adventures. I some times wonder who has the better side of the deal? Poor old Andy is stuck in Business class sipping G & T's watching the latest movies for 17 hours, then stays in a 5 star hotel.Okay admittedly in between the fantastic food, the gym and lounging by the pool there IS some working in an oil refinery, usually after a back breaking 2 hour ride across desert, but I still wonder if it would make a nice change for me? I am soo bored rigid of the bitterly cold winter and feeling trapped indoors. Maybe next time I could go and get hot, have my bed made and my room tidied for me and enjoy gourmet delights for a while and he can do the school run, wonder how the kids have eaten all the food AGAIN, and tackle the equivalent of the forth bridge of washing and ironing.

Its great when he comes home. Its like we are newly married all kisses and gropes. We really appreciate each other again. Maybe all couples should try it? All his little annoying habits don't seem so bad because you are reminded of all the cute things that make him so special and gorgeous.

Andy has this funny way of twisting words around and making sweet words out of them. For instance Kids he calls childronicles - Cute or stupid? you decide. He makes us babychinnos and in the froth on the top, he sprinkles chocolate in the shape of our initials. For weeks he hid the plastic lid that he had painstakingly cut out our letters on. And told us it was magic. Its nice when I stand in front of him and wibble my baby flabby pouch and he says "Yes but that's you isn't it? Our children came out of there, its part of you and that's how it should be" Bless him, no need to kill myself with Davina's fitness video then.

And that's far nicer to think about than "Am I the only person that can carry the stuff at the bottom of the stairs up them?" Or Does he not know that socks don't walk from the bedroom floor into the wash cupboard?? No really don't worry I'll turn the 300 lights off that you have left on in your wake.

So I am enjoying him home. When hes away I am a clean freak. Last week I hoovered on a Sunday surely there should be some law against that. Where as a week later. Hubby lets me lay in till 9! and insists we lazily slommock and chill with the heating on full blast. Don't ya just love him?

Yes knickers are a requirement every day Sophie.

2009-01-20T06:13:00.001-08:00

Funny thing about my daughter. She is so into glittery things, pink, clothes and High School Musical. Already at 5 she knows what she wants to wear and how she wants to wear it. And in all honesty she is very good at co-ordinating her wardrobe. However you can imagine the "fun" that that can cause a Mum.

But she has only just grasped that underwear is most defintely required on a daily basis.

On the day that the picture on the podium was taken. We had arrived and it was only as she went to jump on the bouncy castle that I noticed a cute little bum sticking out. I had laid her clothes out on the bed, I had even been back and checked that everything was on round the right way, etc.

When I asked her why she replied. "I didnt want to wear any knickers" Thank fully on this occasion I had spare jeans in the car. I am not always that lucky. Last year at a bbq I had to borrow my son's boxers (he was not impressed!) for her to wear under her pretty party frock.

This is not a habit that she has got from me. But I may start checking my hubby is wearing underwear.

Hows the New Year Resolution Going?

2009-01-20T05:03:00.000-08:00

Well Christmas has come and gone. We diligently bought our pressies, watched the telly and followed the ads as much as we followed the telly. And this got me thinking. According to the ads in December the ONLY thing you should be thinking about is Christmas. You must be throwing a party and buying your 3 items for a fiver. You must be frantically panic buying everything because the shops will be shut for 24 hours (like we love the supermarket so much we go every day!) Woe betide the person that has chosen to book a holiday in December, oh no. If you have you are not following the telly close enough. Because it’s not until January that you are allowed to book a holiday, buy a sofa or consider redecorating and god forbid you should consider a diet or quitting smoking in December, no that HAS to be done in January and ask myself WHY?

Does this not create a ridiculous level pressure on our aims for ourselves before we have even started? Imagine if on your child’s first day at school you said “right study hard and don’t muck around because everything you do for the rest of your life is dependent on what you do now” WOW pressure. So why do we do this to ourselves with the dreaded new year’s resolutions?
Yes we have over indulged for near on two weeks but its only two weeks out of 52. Surely life is about balance. I am not suggesting that once a month you should eat & drink enough calories for a small village in Essex, but if you start a new goal with two weeks of guilt I don’t fancy your chances. Ask yourself did you have a good time? If so don’t worry about it. Guilt will scupper any plans for success before you have even dug your scales out if weight loss is your goal.
You need to start from this very second in time. Ignore every other occasion that you have attempted to succeed at your goal. You can choose to do things differently this time with lasting results. A famous Coach said “to continue to do what you have always done and to expect different results is madness” So what will you do differently to get what you want?
Here are a few tips.
- Are you doing this because YOU want to? There is so much input from the media it’s hard to remember to look and feel how we want and not how the latest celebs do. If you are trying to change because of an external influence, trust me it won’t last. The only way to get something you really want is to want it from the inside. You may even find it’s not about changing something about yourself but about changing an attitude about yourself.
- Don’t just say my goal is to not do this. For it to become a reality you have to give your brain a new image to aim for. For instance Instead of “I will not smoke any more” think “I am a non smoker”
- Get specific with your goals. Saying “I want to lose weight” is not enough. “I want to lose 5 pound by the end of January” Gives you boundaries to your goal. But remember to keep it realistic. An unrealistic goal will put too much pressure on you and at the first hurdle you will feel like a failure.
- Before you even reach a hurdle think right now “What will I do to get over any hurdle?” “Who could support me?” And try to accept if a goal is worth achieving its worth persisting with.
- Don’t waste your energy on storing up guilt. It’s done its gone, “What will you do different next time?”
- How will you know when you have reached your target? Imagine right now. The more you can visualise what you want and role play it in your mind the more positive reinforcement you are giving yourself to achieve it.
- Lastly a blatant plug about life coaching. The above is just a taster of some of the new ways of thinking that you can introduce to help you shape your life the way that you would like to. Coaching is used by people from all walks of life to ensure that you are working towards making your life a happy, enjoyable and successful one whatever and how ever you choose to be.
- Good Luck!

Go easy on me.

2009-01-20T04:23:00.001-08:00

So just to reiterate my inability to be perfect. My first secret to tell the world (or is that universe - Do aliens use the net?) is that if at one end of the scale you have the Stephen Hawkins whizz of computers and at the other you have my dad, I dont know how to open the lap top? I am probably at the "mmmm Andy I pressed something again!"

It took me a while just to understand the lingo to set this up. I can feed 2 kids a snack to the tune of "Mum I'm starving" (I love that.You have been in the kitchen preparing a gourmet delight for your family to marvel over and in the kids stroll oblivious to the saucepans and you vigorously chopping at the vegetables to demand that you dont be so selfish doing nothing for us and feed us before we faint) while preparing tea, picking up a nintendog's poo, answering the phone and negotiating with the skill of NATO the controls for the telly because "peppa pig is too babyish mum" But understand computer jargon I can not.

I dont know why they do it. Why is everything in ridiculous jargon? I think that maybe it is done to make people look very clever and like they know more than you. Could you imagine if as mums we did that. "Oh yes I would love to C.O.C (Chat over coffee) however I have a meeting with the I.B (Ironing Board) and a merger at 3.00 with the C.E.Os (kids)" Utter madness.
I read on a great website the meaning of ACRONYM - Absurdly Contrived Representations Of Names Yielding Mass Stupefication. Now thats more like it.

Okay so this could be my own stupidity. But I am pretty certain it is not. If everyone made the effort to make themselves properly understood wouldnt that make life a lot easier?

So back to my point - I am new to blogging so please go easy on me, it took me long enough to set this up. So there - thats my first fact a perfect woman would have achieved what I did in an hour in 10 minutes!